God won’t give you more than you can handle

morethanwecanhandle

It’s no secret that I’ve had my fair share of struggles throughout my life…

Divorce.
Rape.
Death.
Depression.
Anxiety.
Loss.

I remember each of those moments or times in my past with such a vivid memory, that tears still come to my eyes when I fully allow myself to sit with the pain I had to endure. Because, truly, how does anyone ever forget the times they cried the most honest and heartfelt tears of their life?

And in many of those struggles, I would often hear what I imagine people meant to be comforting words,

God won’t give you more than you can handle…so know that He must really believe that you are incredibly strong!

And while I longed to find the comfort in that, the truth was, I wasn’t strong…I was weak and afraid, angry and broken. And I knew that I was most definitely was not strong enough to get through the pain I was experiencing…

If you’d like to read more, I invite you to finish the rest of this post today over at The Better Mom.

 
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anxiety sucks and this is my story.

As many of you know, a lot of my life I have struggled with anxiety. I’ve shared often here on my blog, but so many of you have asked me to make a video more in detail about what I’ve been through and how I’ve been able to manage it.

I literally have filmed this three different times over the last couple months, and each time I just never felt it was good enough to share so publicly.  But this third time I realized that I would always find faults in sharing something so personal, and that I needed to just let go and put it up regardless of how I felt. So, if you have other questions for me that I might not have addressed this time, let me know and I’ll happily collect them all and do another video with all the Q&A’s soon.

I pray with all my heart that by sharing my anxiety story it provides some sort of insight and comfort for all of you who are struggling down this road as well. I want to encourage you to always remember that you are never alone in this, and if you trust and lean on the Lord, He will continually bring beauty from your pain. He promises. And it’s not in His nature to break His promise.

The verses that I mentioned encouraged me during those tough days, and continue to inspire me now:

You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.
Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14

I lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you-
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm-
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121

He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in
spirit.
Psalm 34:18

The Lord Your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take
great delight in you. He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice
over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many
kinds, becuase you know that the testing of your faith develops
perserverance. Perserverance must finish it’s work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has
stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has
promised to those who love him.
James 1:12

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of
a sound mind.
2 Tim. 1:7

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.

He sends from heaven and saves me,
rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
God sends his love and his faithfulness.
Psalm 57: 1-3

He who dwells in the shadow of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you will his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
not the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall by your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you make the Most High your dwelling–
even the Lord, who is my refuge–
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
“Because SHE loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue HER;
I will protect HER, for SHE acknowledges my name.
SHE will call upon me, and I will answer HER;
I will be with HER in trouble,
I will deliver HER and honor HER.
With long life I will satisfy HER
and show Her my salvation.”
Psalm 91

May the God of HOPE fill you will all JOY and PEACE as you TRUST in
Him so you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares
for those who trust in Him.
Nahum 1:7

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anxiety… an update

As most of you know, for years I have battled anxiety.
And it’s been exactly that.
A complete and utter battle.

I’ve been struggling to understand it, accept it, face it, and especially to fight it.
I’ve taken medicine, tried natural approaches, sought therapy, and pleaded day and night on my knees that God would simply take it all away.
Yet still it remained.

blogher12.1

About 2 years ago, I resigned that this was just how I was, and I had to accept that I would forever need a “little helper” to keep the terror of anxiety away.
And honestly, I truly was okay with that.
I needed to be present for my husband.
For my children.
For my life.
And if medicine granted me all of that, I would gladly accept the blessing.

It was about a year after getting back on my “happy pills,” that I went to see an Integrative Doctor for some health issues I was having with my gallbladder and liver. Before my first appointment they sent me to have my blood work done, which consisted of (at least) EIGHT vials of blood. This was so they could see, in every way, exactly what was happening within my body.

When I later sat in my doctors office (which felt more like a room at a spa) for my first visit, she sweetly explained that I was desperately unbalanced in the hormone department.
(pretty sure my husband could have confirmed that!)
Basically, my hormone levels were that of a POST menopausal woman!!!
It was no surprise to her that I was battling unexplained anxiety and depression.

Long story short, we first tried to change my levels with diet and supplements.
I went every month for blood work and after a few months with no change, she suggested I try BioIdentical Hormones.
She seemed sure that in just a matter of days of taking the hormones I needed (made perfectly for me in a compounding pharmacy) that I would feel better than I had in years.
It worked that quickly.
She even suggested that when I felt comfortable, I could probably go off my medicine and be completely free of anxiety.

I was all about taking the hormones.
I was NOT all about discontinuing my happy pills.

It’s now a year later.
And let me just tell you, the hormones are seriously a GIFT FROM GOD!!!
My doctor was right, in just days I felt more like the me I used to be.
But even with the positive changes, I still clung to the security of my medicine.

….Until God decided it was time to take me out of my comfort zone.
On a 7 day missions trip with Taylor to the Dominican Republic, in blazing hot weather and humidity…I found that I had completely forgotten to pack my medicine.

It was on that trip, that I realized I had nothing to depend on for comfort and healing except God.
And you have no idea the death grip I had for Him that week.
But you know what?
I got through it.
No anxiety.
No panic.
No depression.

And when I got home, I decided to take only half of my prescribed medicine just to see if I would still be okay.
Again, I was totally fine.

My eyes were off of me.
I was clinging to Him.
Daily I listed my blessings.
Daily I looked to how I could serve Him.

Then it came time for my second trip to the D.R.
On only half my prescription, once again I survived being even more out of my comfort zone than ever.

I experienced sadness and heartbreak and poverty beyond what I thought I could ever handle.
And yet, I survived.

In the moments where I would have thought I would need medicine more than ever, I realized that I instead needed HIM more than ever.

For whatever reason, in the midst of a dirty sticky heartbreaking world, I felt healed.
And when I got home, I once again decided to go to half of my half, a mere quarter of what I had been initially prescribed.
I had always been on the lowest dose of the medicine, but now I was on a quarter.

And I was good.
Happier even.

Over the next month, I went to a quarter every other day to eventually not at all.
And God continues to sustain me.

I don’t know what exactly is different.
Maybe it’s the bioidentical hormones.
Maybe it’s this new place of surrender to the Lord and what He has for me.

Whatever it is, I accept the gift for as long as I have it.

And I suppose that’s why I’ve hesitated in writing this post…
for some odd “knock on wood” reason.
There’s the fear that the moment I share that I’m doing better, will be the moment the anxiety returns.

But, I know that isn’t the Lord.
That’s not how He works.
And that’s not how I write.

I write my heart.
I write my life.
I write what is true of the moment, so that I can learn and heal, and in the process prayerfully help someone else out there do the same.

And, at THIS moment… I am free.

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bathroom prayers produce joy…eventually

joy
{via}

She didn’t know it, but the words she spoke to me would make me smile for many days to follow.

“Summer!  I’m so happy to see you, and you just look SO happy!!!”

She said it a couple times throughout the night, and each time I wanted to reach out and grasp her words and hold them tightly, never letting go.

It had been an emotionally draining day.
Few days actually.

I had just been dealing with misunderstanding, deep hurts, and hard decisions…and I felt as though my heart might actually crumble into little pieces.

And yet, somehow in the midst of all the gunk….
I knew I would be okay.

I wasn’t feeling tormented.
Or angry.
Or in any way confused by God’s plans with my life and friendships.

I wasn’t any of those things, because I had been in prayer.
Every.  Single.  Day.
Specific prayers.
And the issues I was dealing with were actually just a couple of those exact prayers I had been “circling” each and every day.

I didn’t doubt for a moment that God was at work.

Yes, I was hurting.
Yes, I felt lost.
Of course, I wanted to make things go my way initially….

But when I heard her words…. “You just look SO happy….” it hit me.

Maybe in that moment I didn’t exactly feel happiness…
my current circumstances were far from happy…

But what I’m sure she saw that night,
was Joy.
Joy despite my circumstances.

This had just been another prayer of my heart for far more days than I could even remember.

They had been the Bathroom floor kind of prayers.

And hearing her words alerted me to what has been bringing a smile to my face in the most random of moments.

Another prayer answered.

I’ve found my joy.
I have been blessed with the biggest answered prayer of my life.

It’s not always perfect, this life….
But when you are filled with the Joy of the Lord….everything really is that much better.

It’s simple.
You cling to Him.
You cry out to Him.
You look ONLY at Him…

and there is it.

Joy.

© 2013 “Le Musings of Moi”

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her&i: our anxiety story

It’s no secret that since having my babies, I’ve struggled with anxiety.
The beauty of that struggle are the friendships God’s blessed me with along the way.

One of those blessings is Sarah….and here is our story.  (to start.)

Part 1:

Part II:

Our desire with our channel is to be so much more than just beauty obsessed chicks.
We pray that through our stories and lives, we can all connect even more to truly make a difference in each others lives.

We hope you’ll join us.
xoxo

© 2013 “Le Musings of Moi”

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the unexpected story behind her & i

Since so many of you have asked if we’re sisters and how exactly we know each other….we decided that since it’s such a special story, we’d give this answer it’s very own video!
 
Have other questions for us? 
Leave them in the comments and we’ll answer them in a video!!!

What we’re wearing…

Summer
Top: Thrifted/Vintage
Necklace: Charming Charlie
Headband: H&M

Sarah:
Top: H&M
Necklace: Target

Summers Twitter: https://twitter.com/lemusingsofmoi
Sarahs Twitter: https://twitter.com/SarahNavares

Summers Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/lemusingsofmoi/
Sarahs Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/sarahnavares/

Music: Helen Austin (with her permission of course!)

© 2013 “Le Musings of Moi”

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after anxiety…

There was a time where I never thought I would be able to say…

“After anxiety….”

DSC03056.JPG

Especially when the other part to that sentence would end up being a bright side.

In case you didn’t know….

My struggle with anxiety didn’t begin until after I suddenly lost my dad.  Once I had experienced such intense and sudden grief, I began to feel moments of anxiety here and there.  I never named it though…it was just a part of the pain I had to learn to deal with after losing my dad.

But then it showed up again the morning of my wedding.
My fears took over and I found myself curled into a ball unsure of how I was to face what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
Honestly?
I thought we would have to get married in the bathroom I had locked myself into.

It was definitely an awful feeling, yet still it remained unnamed.

“She’s so sensitive/dramatic/weak…” was more what people probably thought of me.
Because those were the very things I thought of myself.

blogher12.1

Years and years later when Taylor was 2, my grandpa’s cancer took a turn, and I felt called to go home and help care for him.  He had always been such a gentle and loving man, and I wanted to somehow return the favor.

I helped alongside my family every day for a full week, and did all I could to stay strong, all while  staring death in it’s face.

Two days after I returned to my home, Jesus finally took my grandpa to his.

That night I got the news, I no longer felt strong.

That night, that awful feeling I had experienced here and there in the past, finally got a name.


Anxiety.
Panic Attacks.
The feeling, I imagined, of what hell must be like.

That night turned into a month, and if you’ve read this blog, you know my story.  If not, you can catch up on the journey here.

Over the years I have tried everything, and I mean everything, to rid myself of that awful feeling.
What it turned me into, wasn’t me.
It never had been.
And I didn’t much appreciate it taking over my life, and ultimately robbing me of me.

After a very long painful road, in the last year, I’ve thankfully been able to feel the relief my soul so desperately needed.

I can think of things, of moments and memories, that used to make my anxiety arise…
only now, it’s simply just a memory.

Still painful….but not anything close to the racing heart, feeling of doom, kind of pain.
If you know anxiety, you understand this.

But what amazes me, is that I can now look back and see all the beauty that’s come from what has easily been the hardest years of my life.  

And honestly, while I would never wish it on ANYONE, and I certainly don’t wish for it back….
I realize,
I needed that struggle.
I needed to be that weak.
I needed to know that my only hope, when there seemed to be none, was Him.
He was the light in my darkness.

~ My relationship and trust in the Lord is stronger than ever.   Even when it felt so dark, even when I felt so alone, He never let me go.  My faith, though definitely as small as a mustard seed, still remained…and I am so thankful I never let go.

~ My marriage became stronger.  My husband was incredible with me, with the kids, and with the months and years of trial and error efforts to get better.  His unconditional love, his whispers of comfort and support, his tenderness with me and his faithfulness to our marriage and family…was everything I needed then.  But especially now. I look at him with such respect and awe.  And I fall deeper in love.

~ I found my truest lifetime friends, that were handed to me right from the Hand of God.  In fact, my closest friends have become like family. 
Some new and some old, but regardless, I know the ones in my life are the ones who always will be.  
They never left my side.  
Never stopped praying.  
Never stopped offering to help in whatever way they could, even when it wasn’t always convenient.  
And when the friends I knew just couldn’t understand, God brought me ones who did.  
In fact, my newest friends may as well be my oldest, because when you walk a road like ours, nothing can bring you closer.  
It’s an understanding that far exceeds any length of time.  
It’s a bond that can never be broken.  
And I love those girls.  
We need each other, and thankfully the most important thing we could ever have in common, is our love and devotion to the Lord.

~ I have no fear.  I realized I have walked through what felt like the death of my soul, and I survived.
I came out stronger.
More dependent on God.
Aware of my own weakness.
And with an incredible empathy for the pain and struggles of others.

~ I can truly appreciate the good, and genuinely thank God for the bad.  Because ultimately if you remain dependant on our capable Father, all things work together for your (and HIS) good.

So I encourage you, no matter what your road or struggle may be…

Open up.
Share with someone. 
Lean into the Lord through prayer and meditating on His promises of what IS TRUE.
{I have a list of them if you need them!}
Having that someone, even if it’s just me, to be there with you makes all the difference.

And most importantly…
Don’t give up.

There is an AFTER.

P1010834
….

© 2013 “Le Musings of Moi”
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addressing narcissism: the untold story of my blog

narcissism

“…bloggers really are just…narcissistic…” I heard her say.

And I felt a slight sting somewhere inside me, yet I tried not to react.

i’m just too sensitive…

don’t be too much drama…

And then a short time later I came across this comment, “I believe that when each and every blogger delves deeper, you’ll likely find that sharing in this manner is, in a sense, a cry for attention. If it really were all about the writing, why share it publicly? Granted, popularity may not be the main reason, but I think it’s also unrealistic to dismiss that’s a reason behind why you write publicly.”

I know I’m sensitive, and I know there is a story behind what was said, and likely it all comes from a good place…

So let me share as well, the story behind me…

| Addressing Narcissism |

The story I have yet to share…
Because if you knew me as my husband and close friends do, and you knew my heart and my story, you’d see that I too, come from a good place. And it’s not the place you think.

~~~~~~~

Though I hate the memory, 5 years ago I suddenly began suffering through debilitating anxiety after helping to care for my grandpa in his last days of cancer.

All this followed a long two years of postpartum depression after Taylor was born, and it was the first anxiety I’d ever experienced in my life, and it was awful.

Horrible.

An actual living nightmare, and like nothing I could ever explain, or want to explain, or ever want to feel at that level again in my whole life.

And in that time of my life, I felt so incredibly lost and alone.
Absolutely nobody understood my darkness.

My friends had faded away, though they had tried, they simply didn’t know how to help.
My husband remained, yet unreachable…as he couldn’t understand why he couldn’t help.

I stopped reaching out.
And so I remained deathly afraid.
Fearfully alone.
And I wondered if God would ever pull me out the nightmare I was living.

“… The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I’m alive
But I feel like I died
And all that’s left is to accept that it’s over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I’m slipping away
*Beauty from Pain lyrics*

I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t read books.
I didn’t want to talk.
Even T.V. made me feel unsettled.

And so I passed the painful time on my phone playing mindless games to keep me distracted from the anxious thoughts that threatened to steal everything.

I’d spend hours searching for things online just to keep from realizing how slowly time was creeping by.

And then somehow I came across a blog.

I’d never read one before, but was intrigued that people were just putting their private journaling thoughts out there for everyone to read.
…and judge, so I would later learn.

And as I read, I learned that she too suffered with anxiety.
like mine…
She too, had felt depression.
like mine…
She wrote of things I understood, the exact things I was living in that very moment.
It was as though, sometimes, she even wrote what I hadn’t even been able to make sense of myself yet.

And beyond that, she made me laugh.
Out loud.
I didn’t believe that would ever happen again.
Truthfully, I hadn’t even smiled in over a month.

Not to my husband.
Not to my son.
Not even to myself.
But there I was, waking up my husband at night….with laughter.
And as he awoke to hear me retell the story that had brought me joy, I felt warmth in my soul for the first time in a long time.

Ultimately, that feeling was a blessing from God.
But, I also know that this blog I’d found?
Was His personal gift to me.
It was a tiny little step towards healing.
A tiny little step towards hope.

And it all happened because I had found someone who got me.

So when I hear opinions and comments such as the ones above, this is immediately where my heart goes.

I reluctantly remember that scared and hurting girl curled into a ball on her couch sobbing…clutching her Bible and praying for strength just to get through even the next five minutes.

I think of that girl and I thank my sweet Jesus that he gave the guts to Alice to share her life, her thoughts, her issues, and especially her humor so that I could have that moment to hold on to.

So that, when things got better and then got hard again, I could go back and remember…
I’m not alone.

blogher12.10
{this picture made her day.  okay.  mine too.}

And as I came out of that time in my life, I remembered the final lyrics of what had become my theme song:

“My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can’t understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you’ve brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flamesAfter all this has passed
I still will remain
After I’ve cried my last
There’ll be beauty from pain
Though it won’t be today
Someday I’ll hope again
And there’ll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain”
*Beauty from Pain*

And suddenly, I knew I too needed to blog.
I no longer felt it was okay for me to keep my struggles and lessons to myself in a journal.

God needed to create Beauty from my Pain.

He didn’t intend for us to live alone.
He didn’t intend for us to suffer alone.
And He didn’t intend for us to learn His lessons alone.

~~~~~~~

I have a folder in my email account.

In it are all the emails from women who, over the years, have shared their hearts and their lives and their struggles.
Women who thought they were alone had nobody who understood.

I read and re-read them and pray for them.
Some I still keep in touch with.
Some are now my closest friends.

I keep those emails not to pat myself on the back for a job well done, but to remind myself how God is absolutely at work.
And so that when I get discouraged by judgements or distracted by shiny things, I can glance through that folder and remember… it’s not about me.

~~~~~~~

I’m a writer and I’m sensitive, and it’s exactly how God created me to be.
I think and connect with others, with myself even, through written words.
This is just me.

And I get not everyone understands me, and that’s okay.
But what I desire you to grasp is why I have this blog.
It’s not for attention.
And not to make it all about me.

{although I have been distracted here and there along the way.}

But where I am now, honestly??
I now pray with each blog I post, that when all is said and done and you walk away from here, rather than it being me you think about, instead it’s become HIM.

Writing is my passion.
Jesus is my passion.
Ministry is my passion.
This blog allows me to tie it all together.

~~~~~~~

© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”

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the truth is…

The truth is…
{what my last few weeks have taught me}

~ I’m not being so Rocky about my workouts and eating after all.  It seems there is something about my mid 30’s that has taken all my willpower out of me.  And now I have more weight to lose yet I don’t want to diet because I like to eat.  It’s just that my insecurities are out of control which cause me to cry….A LOT…and it’s time to figure out how to get my healthy back and stay there.

~ I cry A LOT the week before my period.  To those of you who had to witness that, I’m sorry.  But thank you deep from my soul for listening.

~ I love love love homeschooling.  But, maybe that’s because I have no idea what the heck I’m doing most of the time.  But my family is closer.  My kids are more affectionate.  My husband is even more my best friend than he’s ever been.

~ I sometimes think I may have made a mistake in homeschooling.  What if he ends up not being as smart as he could be?  What if I start yelling more and more?  What if, what if, what if???

~ We are two weeks into escrow of selling my cute little dream house.  I love this house.  But we realized we aren’t cut out to be home owners at this point in our life.  I’m excited for the change but will miss the memories and growth we experienced in our little “tree house.”

~ Even though we’re two weeks into escrow, we don’t know for sure where we will be living in two and a half weeks.  We haven’t even packed.  I will be moving in two and a half weeks, maybe, and I don’t even know where.  We have a place we love, but now we wait while they decide which family they love most.  My heart may break if they don’t choose us.  I wish I knew that we had them at “hello.”  Maybe I should bring flowers?  Okay, no.  I do know enough to realize that is borderline stalking.  It’s okay, living in our car won’t be so bad.  On the bright side, we’ll save a TON of money.

~ I’m in this awesome (ongoing) place of finding out more about myself.  I am seeing things more clearly.  I’m even understanding friends and friendships with a fresh perspective.  It’s comforting and a little sad, but something I needed to grasp.  But, it’s incredible because my eyes and heart are now open to those I know are true.  Faults and all, they are true.

~ My whole life is changing.  There is incredible stress.  But I am not panicking. There is NO anxiety.  And I realize, at last, there has been healing.  Thank you sweet Jesus, for healing.

~ Finally, I keep going back to these words, “…living a surrendered life…” spoken by an incredible woman I call Mama Gayle.  I want to live those words.  Without even trying.

What are your truths?

© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”

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the anxiety cure: another update

{know that this is simply an update on the physical changes, and of course there is an entire aspect of spiritual changes that go with this all as well.  blog post to come on that!}
If you’ve read or poked around on my site at all, you probably know a little about my struggles with depression and anxiety.
{some of you have become my closest friends because of this!}

While it’s not a daily struggle, there have been times in my life where it was.  
Having kids and losing loved ones will do that to you, I suppose.

But, when it started showing up unexpectedly, especially when it’s never been my personality to be anxious or worried, I was a little concerned.
And so, the last few years have become a journey into learning, and reading, and experimenting with ways to get better.

I tried medication.  It helps, but with side effects.
I tried changing my eating (or so I thought at the time), not so much help, but I realize now I wasn’t really changing enough.
I tried natural supplements, after seeing a Biocytonics doctor of sorts. (which won’t do much if your diet still isn’t good, and mine wasn’t.) Also not a lot of help.

It was about that time that my integrative doctor had decided to do a full blood panel and check all my levels to see what was going on.  Our focus was more on my recent gallbladder surgery, but God had a different plan.

When we got the results, we were finally able to see all the madness happening inside my body.
Which kind of matched up exactly with the madness happening on the outside….


I had a massive imbalance of hormones.
Or to be more blunt, I had the progesterone levels of a POST menopausal woman.
Google that.  
Those symptoms are NOT fun.
{don’t you want to send me flowers now?}

So, over the next year, we continued to watch the levels (which continued to get worse) all the while trying different natural methods and diet changes.
(again, i wasn’t truly changing too much with my diet.)

Finally, after a year of consistently low levels (which was this last May), it was determined that I was officially entering the PeriMenopause stage of my life.


At 33 1/2.
{yes, I still get excited about the half.  i can’t WAIT to be 40.  and i’m totally serious.}

And so, my doctor and I decided together to go the bioidentical hormone replacement route.
And while you always start slow, already in just two months time, I feel an incredible difference.

  • There have been no panic attacks. {thank you Jesus!}
  • I haven’t felt true anxiety in a long time. {I’ll take it!}
  • I have more energy during the day, and I’m beginning to sleep better at night.

It’s kind of crazy how much our hormones affect us.
And it’s kind of crazy how doctors aren’t having women checked more often BEFORE prescribing anti-anxiety or depression meds.

I’ve learned there are so many more things other than the thyroid that can affect you emotionally….


All this to say….
This is simply my journey.  
My story.  
My lessons along the way.

While we each have similar stories, we may have a different road to find what works best for us.

But, I pray that each of you who may be struggling, will take the time to learn more.
Be your own doctor in thse sense that you research all your options.
Talk to people who have walked this road….and take notes.

And remember that we aren’t meant to be overloaded with stress, depression and anxiety.

There IS a cure…we just can’t ever give up.
And we have to maintain a community of support, love and trust…
and I hope you feel that here.

No matter what, I get it.
No matter what, I will be there for you.
And in anything and everything I will pray and help you seek and find the answers the Lord has for you.


We all will.
This amazing little community we’ve created.
My latest fave rescources:

~~~~~~~

Next up, I’ll be sharing my diet changes….and all the tips I’ve been given in case you want to join me on that part of my journey.
© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”
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It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!