I never really loved High School.
I didn’t dig the early start time, the vicious rumors and gossip, the lockers that I could never remember my combination for (I still have recurring dreams on that one!), but what I especially hated were the cliques. I could never quite get into the idea of it, and I certainly couldn’t claim one that I wanted to be officially affiliated with.
Looking back, I had friends in nearly every “clique” there was in every school I went to. (I went to three high schools in four years. Another story for another time.) Anytime I felt like I was starting to be branded, I felt myself withdraw a little. I could never understand why. But, I always kept myself on the outskirts of every social circle. I had friends on the inside, but my attitude was a little of ‘don’t you dare draw me in with you.’ It was never a conscious decision, just something I have since noticed in looking back.
I’m noticing though that this didn’t end in high school. It continued into my twenties, and now into my thirties.
I have a wide array of friends. I just don’t necessarily have one group of friends, and when I have parties or get togethers, a lot of my friends only know each other and are familiar with each other because of me. I don’t intentionally make it this way, it just seems to be how it has worked out.
I’ve been this way in my blog as well. I know blogs that focus more on one particular topic seem to be more successful, but I can’t seem to commit to being branded. I know if you get in with the top clubs, you can rock it out. If you kiss some serious bootie, you might get noticed. If you follow, they will too.
But, it’s just not me. I guess it never really has been.
Jimmy says he loves this about me. It’s one of the things that drew him into me. The unexpectedness, the inability to figure me out.
I may never be in. I may never be the best. I may never be able to say, I’m a part of “the” crowd. This used to bother me. I used to think there was something wrong with me. But, in time, it has settled. It has become me.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
I eventually ended up like this – after desperately longing to be part of the “in” crowd, being there for a few months, and then moving away to a new town where I was a fish out of water with no friends. Even when I was part of the “in” crowd, I don’t know that I was ever totally there all the way because I still had friends who were not in that same group. It’s been that way since I moved at 15 and realized being “in” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Life is so much more fun when you’ve got friends in different circles, with different interest, different experiences – all that stuff. Awesome post, girl. 🙂
Sometimes the outside is the best place to be. The effort to be “in” can take more than the emotional gain of success.
Of course, my words come from a lifelong outsider and loner. {*grin*}
i think so many of us feel this way. and yes, it still exists, maybe even more so, as we get older.
Enjoyed your letter. I’m very grateful that you don’t want to “follow the crowd” with your blog. I think your blog is unique and your posts are thought provoking and honest. I think you put yourself out there, and I always know I am guaranteed a great read at your blog. I blog for fun and share just about everything. I know my blogs will never be a part the “300+” views per day club some of the more popular blogs are in, but I have so much fun blogging that I’m okay with it. Take care.
-Kiki
I have that same dream a lot too. Very frustrating. Hope you are happy with where you are.
I have always been the same way. I actually hated high school. I was fine until I started 11th grade and all of my friends (all 3 of them) graduated the year before and I was left to figure something out. I went to private school, but was the poor kid there on a scholarship, so that was super fun for me. They were all snotty and exclusive. Now I find I have a few friends, but like you said they are all my friends and not each other’s friends. I don’t even know what that would feel like to be a part of a group. This must be wht I like you and reading your blog. I guess we tend to gravitate to people who are more like we are.
I never wanted to be affiliated with a clique either all through high school, even now! I like to think that I have accquaintances more than friends…is that bad? I don’t think so anyways!
i really enjoy your writing. (i mean, not to kiss bootie or anything, but your blog is fun.) and i was challenged by your forgiveness post. thanks. 🙂
Summer, you’re much too cool to be branded in just ONE specific group, you know! I think it makes you a much more diverse person. Be proud of who you are – you most certainly are not an outsider! Just doing your own thing, your way! I was in a bunch of different groups in high school too – loved the diversity of people and never felt like I could be labelled 100% in 1 specific group… hung out with the rockers, the jocks, the fashion girls, student council, etc. etc. etc… way more fun then being part of just 1 group, you know?
This is a great post Summer and I can totally relate as I was that same person in high school. I still am largely in life too. I understand what you’re saying about being the one on the outside looking in…it’s kind of a lonely feeling.
I’m glad you’re right where you want to be though!
I want to say soemthing witty and supportive but it’s all sounding freaky and weird. So I’ll just say, I feel ya and that was written beautifully.
Amen.
Are you a non-conformist? I too never was much for herding as I like to think of it. I even have felt repulsed by the idea. I always had just a few friends and maybe fewer that I would share the more important things of life with. The herd actually kind of freaks me out and I too would go running if I felt myself drawn in. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am in the herd of one and on occaisonally go to the trough to drink with the others but quickly walk away, backwash is disgusting!
Wow I love the qoute at the bottom I think it sums me up better than anything I’ve heard in a long while!
I was exactly like that in high school and now in my twenties too – nothing wrong with that! I think it just makes us that much cooler. 🙂
I was like that too in high school! My best friend Drew and I were always floaters. I think it’s a good way to be.
I am the same way and have been for as long as I can remember (I think because I changed schools so much in grammar school, but maybe its just me). Only at work do I have a little clique and that seems ok because, well, it will go away once I quit. I also cannot find a niche for my blog and I’m sick of trying. I’m just never gonna be that person, and probably will thus never make money off the blog thing. Oh well.
Great post!
I always felt that way in high school. I was a loner more than anything because I didn’t want to belong to any one group. I still don’t feel like I “belong” anywhere, though others tend to lable me…
I think most of us have felt this way at some time or another. Be true to yourself and to God and everything else will fall into place
i’m the same way. in real life and in blogger life. i float through different crowds, having one or two friends in each.
great post!
Yup, count me in that crowd too. I was friends with most people growing up. But grew up in small town, graduated like 86 in our class, I was class president but only ran cause the other girl only wanted it so she could control our senior world. Lesser of 2 evils I guess. Now I cant seem to break out of my own comfort zone and make friends. I like my old friends from base, but now we are all scattered around the country and sometimes I long to just hang out and have a cool beverage and chitty chat. Alas, I am doomed to be a creature of habit and stick where I am comfortable. Cheers to doing your own thing. I like that your blog covers all kinds of topics, you are well rounded and keep it interesting!
I can’t relate at all. I’ve always been in. It drives me crazy if I’m not in and I work very hard to get myself in. You are my BSF and you’re in too. Isn’t it great!?!
Ahem.
What exactly are we in again??? I forget. 😉
It’s funny. I always thought I was “that way” because I’m an identical twin and didn’t NEED to be in a particular clique. But then I got married and moved away from her and still found myself with various friends, but no real “group” to call myself a member of.
I honestly think it is healthy and mature to be able to make friends based on common interests and ideas rather than on just belonging to a particular clique or group.
SO, now we are the Healthy and Mature group. Wanna be friends? ;o)
I have a recurring dream about forgetting my locker combination too! Funny.
And I’m very much the same way when it comes to friends … not a big group of friends but a lot of “one on one” type friends who don’t know each other. I just prefer it that way.
Girl, I can totally relate with you on this – moving around, I was always friends with so many different random groups and no one clique in particular… in the band AND a cheerleader!!! HA! Still that way now, but I don’t mind, and I sure am glad you’re that way, too!!!
Love you!