Archives for March 2013

what He is and what He isn’t

March 21, 2013

{He’s in the details}

My prayers were small.
Because my faith was small.

And then I decided to do something that didn’t make sense….
I signed my son and I up to go on a missions trip that would be happening only 4 weeks later.

I didn’t think beyond the jump.
I didn’t think what I could or couldn’t do to make it happen, I just said Yes.

Then just as quickly as I said Yes, my mind began to whisper….

“no, no, no. God doesn’t work like that. He can’t make this happen! There isn’t enough time, enough money, enough faith or trust….no, no, no.”

And then the battle began…
My faith.
My prayers.
My hope.
My trust.
My own salvation.

Saying Yes was easy.
Letting my Yes be Yes wasn’t seeming to be as much.

And then tonight, as I was driving home with a car full of baked treats (all donated from friends) for our bake sale fundraiser and an anonymous jar full of quarters decorated with my sons and my name on it, I felt a strong desire to talk to God.

I couldn’t ignore that the blessings that filled my car were so much more than donations for good cause.

They were His blessings.

His gifts.

His little reminders to me that He is God.

And He is listening.

And so I prayed….

God

I know you’re capable of big things.

I know that, and I’ve seen it time and again in peoples lives.

And somewhere inside me, I believe you’re capable of big things in my own life.

I confess, I don’t know why you stay silent on those things that I yearn for…

but I do trust that there is a reason for everything you do.

And Lord?
I know you aren’t the one who abandoned me.

You aren’t the ones who have hurt me and let me down.

I have to stop seeing you as them.

Because the truth is…

you have never, not once, abandoned those who love, honor and serve you.

And I do.

I may not understand you.

I may have been angry, frustrated, and confused because you don’t seem to work the way I hope you will…

But, I know you are working.

And one day…

one day…

it will all make sense.

And so I’ll pray bigger prayers…
with a bigger faith.
And hold onto an unending trust and belief that you will eventually work all things together for good.

Amen.

~~~~~~~

I think of all the ways I fail.

All the ways I fall short.

And I think of those moments especially when it comes to how I am as a parent.

I try with all my heart to do the best that I can, but I have my days.

There are a particular 7 each month that are especially rough…

And in those moments, I am more human than I care to be.

Because I am.

Human.

Imperfect.

And I want to be sure that my kids never see my mistakes and imperfections as a reflection of who God is.

I want them to know, that they know, that they know, that God is who He says He is.
And not what we have experienced people to be here on earth.

He is so much more.
So much better.
So far beyond what we can even imagine goodness to be.

And when I think of it like that, my perspective changes.
I begin to get it…just a little bit more.

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dominican republic update!

March 15, 2013

Before anything, I need to find the words to express how blown away I have been by your guys’ support since I posted about where I’ve been spiritually, and especially in regards to our upcoming missions trip.

Some of you have even sent donations, which was completely unexpected, and meant more to me and Taylor then you will ever ever know.

I was told I’d be surprised at who gives and who doesn’t, and you have absolutely proven that.
So, thank you.
It’s just “thank you” doesn’t even begin to feel BIG enough to express my gratitude.

Maybe I’ll make a video of Taylor and me doing our HAPPY DANCE each time we get a donation, just so you can see how blessed we truly feel.

Now on to less mushy stuff.

Since I got so many emails from you guys wanting to be kept in the loop, I decided to just post it all here on the blog so it’s all in one place for everyone who wants to know.

~~~~~~~

For those of you that asked, YES!!! Most people (apparently, not me!) plan missions trips well in advance….this one so happens to be a little last minute, but was one that needed to happen.

I chose to go for it, despite the short time frame, because I really did feel that Taylor and I were meant to be on this particular trip.

That decision has been completely confirmed simply by seeing Taylors excitement and willingness to do anything he can to help make the trip happen.

He’s been praying harder and more then ever, and he’s even working extra hard on Rosetta Stone with me so we can talk to the kids about Jesus in their language. I have truly fallen more in love with him in just this last week planning the trip.

As for me, truthfully…I’ve been wavering on my decision all week long.

I struggle with wanting to play it safe and just stay home where I know what to expect with my days.

Taking this HUGE step of faith does not come easily to me in any way.

But, just like I shared before, my struggle is not only in a believing God to do big things in my life, but also in being obedient to do the things He’s asked.

So, it seems this situation most definitely forces me to work both of those issues out!!!

Don’t worry about anything; Instead pray about everything.

Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.

Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand.

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6

So, with this weeks update we just wanted to let you know what we’ve been up to, so you can please continue to pray!

Monday: Jimmy took the day off so we could order Taylors passport (both parents have to be present. no kidnapping allowed! ha ha). We were told that we should be receiving it within a week. PRAYERS NEEDED: That we would actually GET it within that time frame.

Tues-Wed: Investigated and read up on Maleria meds, as well as made and passed out flyers for our upcoming Fundraising Events. Taylor took the lead on this, but folding all the flyers as well on passing them out around the neighborhood and at church.

Thurs: We had our first official Missions Trip team meeting where we prayed, discussed details, and brainstormed ideas. Taylor had his hand raised half the meeting and had so many awesome ideas, that I couldn’t help but want to smother him with kisses. We also found out which orphanage we’re working with, which made my heart leap, and I may or may not have asked if I could adopt a child or two while I was there. Weird thing was, I totally wasn’t kidding.

Sunday: Our first Fundraising Event! We’re going to be offering Child Care from 2-5pm at the park by our house, where we’re setting up games, races, play stations, snack and a story. For this event there is a $20 minimum donation per child, and all proceeds go directly to the cost of our trip.

(If you’re local, you’re invited! And please share with your friends!!!)

NEXT WEEK:

MORE Fundraisers!!! (if you have other ideas for us, we are ALL ears!!!)

Taylor will be setting up a bake sale, selling a ton of treats at his school. He’s super excited about this.

We’ve also been asking for donations for a Garage Sale, where again, all proceeds will go directly to the Children’s Heritage Foundation to pay for our trip.

(If you’re local and you have stuff to get rid of, feel free to let us take it off you’re hands! You can drop it off anytime or Jimmy will even be happy to come and pick it up!!!)

And I think that’s about it for now!

We are SUPER excited and ready to get moving forward!!!

Between track practice 4 days a week, meets every Saturday, 2-3 articles due each week, and planning for this God given trip….It’ll be ONE BUSY month!!!

And I absolutely LOVE it.

I also better start working on Jimmy about this adoption thing….

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abandoned

March 11, 2013

{image}

I’m a crier.

Ask anyone who knows me.

It’s almost like a talent I have….feeling emotion so easily and all.

It’s just that sometimes it feels so good and therapeutic to get it all out.

It’s purifying.

But in these last months of feeling confused, I find myself fighting any emotion.

I’m trying so desperately to be strong.

Because I know if I let just a few slip, there will quickly be sobs to follow.

Those gut wrenching ones that are difficult to stop and make it hard to breath.

I’ve been carrying around a lot of expectations.

Of people.

Of God.

Of myself.

And they’re so impossibly high, how could there not be failure?

I’m realizing where a lot of my struggle is coming from…

I’ve been abandoned by people who love God and who I thought were supposed to unconditionally love me.

And because of that, I guess I’ve come to think that if they could so easily stop loving me, why wouldn’t everyone else in my life eventually do the same?

And I’m realizing that fear crosses over into my relationship with God.

How could He TRULY love me and be there with me unconditionally forever?

Especially when He sees just how truly flawed I am.

And while I may not fully comprehend or understand how to work through those feelings, hurts, and fear of abandonment…
I am coming to understand that it’s simply not in His character to leave me.
I have to believe that.

And that maybe the silence I feel is actually my expectations getting in the way of His presence.

Last week I had this unexpected moment while I was watching American Idol.

(see? good things can come from watching tv…)

As I was watching worship leader, Curtis Finch Jr sing, I began to get chills all over my body.

I began to feel emotion.

And as I listened to how each of the judges hearts were touched, and heard them publicly saying the name of Jesus, and confessing how much they needed that moment in their what would seem, already full and blessed lives…

It hit me.

People simply can’t help but respond to Christ.

Especially to His love.

His love is there.

To give.

And to be felt.

There are just a few things, it seems, getting in the way…
Time once again to get to work.

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the obedience of serving: my trip to the dominican

March 8, 2013

Speaking of obedience….

I just wanted to share something MAJOR coming up in my life in the very near future, that is going to take all the faith I have left in me.
Because it’s happening in less than a month, and we have A LOT of money to raise and a passport that needs expediting.

Not to mention a questioning anxious heart that needs a calming peace only God can bring.

But I can’t deny the stirring that I can only assume is from God, especially in light of where I’ve been spiritually, so here I am just jumping in with both feet.
Scared shaking feet.

I wanted to share some of the details, because so many of you have become like family to me.
More supportive than I could ever have expected.
And I truly need all the prayers I can get…

I may be conflicted with things, but there are some things I just know.
I know God has placed this desire on my heart to do missions work WITH my family and my children. It’s a desire that was placed on my heart long ago, and it’s one that just has never gone away.

God used a broken David.

I have to believe God can use a broken me.

So here’s the details….

Summer & Taylors Dominican Republic Mission Trip Spring Break 2013

Where:
Dominican Republic

Who:

A team of adults and teens (and kid!) will be partnering with Children’s Heritage Foundation. Their mission is: “Securing a future for disadvantaged children around the world.” Check out their website at www.childrensheritagefoundation.org.

Mission:

We will be running a sports camp for disadvantaged kids from San Pedro, as well as teaming with local church partners to share Christ with these kids and their families. We believe God will use this experience to create change in our lives and the people we serve!

Why does Taylor want to go?
“I want to go because I want to teach people about God if they don’t know about Him. And I want to help poor kids so that they feel safe. I also think it would fun to teach them about running! (he’s in track).”

He later told me he wanted to sell his roller blades and all of his rock collection so he could use that money to ensure we could go…I fell so in love with him.

Why I want to go?
“It has always been my heart for missions work. I first got a taste of it long before I was married when I went to Queretaro Mexico, and then a couple years later when I spent two weeks in the Dominican with Children of the Nations.

Recently, when the kids and I were choosing children to sponsor through Compassion, Taylor spent hours looking through each of the childrens profiles. After a bit, he turned to me and asked, ‘Mom, why can’t we just help all of them??’ It was that moment that I knew I wanted nothing more than to experience sharing Gods love on a missions trip with my kids. I even looked at future trips to Uganda after getting to know the girls from 31Bits. But those were all in the FAR future with lots of planning time.

Little did I know that a month later we would actually have the opportunity to make it happen WITHIN a month…which is a bit tough for me being such a planner and all.

But, I know if it’s meant to be, God will be busy working on our behalf to make it happen. It’s a lesson I’ve been in the trenches of learning lately.
Just obey, despite my feelings.
My feelings my include being nervous, but this letter is my obedience.”

{dominican trip 2001}

~~~~~~~

Prayer support:

The greatest gift you can give to us is your prayers.

Would you consider committing to praying for us daily or weekly between now and the end of our trip?

We will need the Lord to go ahead of us in this venture; preparing our hearts and the hearts of the people we will be reaching out to.

Specifically you can pray that we would raise the money needed, that we can get Taylors passport expedited, that our team would bond together, that we would prepare wisely and effectively, for safety, and that we would remain flexible throughout this process.

If you would like to be a part of our Prayer Team please send me an email and I’ll routinely send out emails informing you of our progress and our needs.

Email– summer@lemusingsofmoi.com stating your wish to be a part of our prayer team and to receive our updates.

2 Corinthians 1:11 Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayer of many.

Financial Support:

I’m no good at asking for money. It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable and kind of makes me feel the need to poop. (what doesn’t though, right?) But we do have a lot of money to raise in such a short amount of time.

To me it feels impossible.

~~~~~~~

So ya….that’s where I am right now, and that’s what’s happening VERY soon.

I am trying my best to trust God’s calling to this…
And I can’t help but believe there will be many more trips and many more countries coming up over the years as well, which excites my soul.

God used a broken David.
I have to believe God can use a broken me.

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processing my faith

March 6, 2013

{zoe clothing co}

Obedience is hard.
Especially when you don’t have the feelings to back it up.

Guess I sort of understand what my kids must feel like….

I have lost so much over the years…
hurt so deeply…
walked through the hell of anxiety and out and back and out again…

I have been abandoned and damaged by people who I thought were never supposed to make you feel that kind of intense and constant pain.

And when I try to find God in others, I often feel let down and discouraged.

And when I try to find God in myself, I always feel let down and discouraged.

I can’t cast any stones…for my own glass house is shattered.

My head knows He is there…my heart feels He’s not.
My head knows His promises are true…my heart feels they just aren’t for me.

It’s this place of processing and questioning that has me so conflicted between what I know is true (God is real, His Son Jesus absolutely died for me) and what I can’t begin to understand (all this pain and abandonment I feel and see around me).

I am blessed…trust me, I know.
It could be so much worse…I know this too.

But it doesn’t seem enough to know all that to get me through this.

It’s been awhile here, in this place of processing.
And I’ve hesitated many times in sharing exactly where I am…
with anyone.

And I haven’t much…
because I don’t have a way to wrap it all up in a pretty little bow, and say “Here! Aha! Here is our lesson to learn through it all!”

Because I don’t know.
And yet I do.

God is real.
He sent His Son to die for our sins so that we can one day live in Heaven with Him.
I absolutely see Him in the beauty of creation.
I definitely see Him in the hearts of my babies.
I even see Him in some of the incredible people He’s placed in my life.

But that is all I know for sure at the moment.
Those are the only things I don’t question.

So, when I say obedience is hard…it’s because I know.

I’m continuing to read my Bible out of obedience…because I know it’s how He will talk to me. …eventually.
I’m choosing to pray out of obedience, simple honest prayers (that’s all I can seem to give right now), because I know He desires to hear from me. …though at times I wonder if He’s actually listening.

And my simple prayer is this…
Let me walk this road and see the other side.
Let me learn the lessons, make the changes, and let go of the pain and disillusionment of how things and people should be.
Let me see the power of prayer.
Let me feel His presence in me.
Let me come out of this place I never chose to be in, even stronger and more sure of my faith.

It’s time to set aside my feelings, for maybe the first time in my life…and simply just obey.

A lesson my kids and I seem to be learning at the same time…

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