Archives for May 2012

…where you’re free to say, "me too!"

May 31, 2012

In all my years of writing and working on this blog, I’ve always been encouraged to stick to one type of topic.

You know, because then I would be more “marketable.”

Be a Fashion Blog.

Be a Mommy Blog.

Be a Home Decor Blog.

But, I just couldn’t seem to commit to one particular area.

I’m so much more complicated than that.

{just ask Jimmy. he’ll tell you.}

Besides, you all know, “Don’t put Baby in the corner.”

Instead, as time (years, yikes!) has passed I can see that my writing style has just naturally developed into what will soon become my blogs tagline…

(ish. it’s in development)

….a place where you’re free to say, “me too.”

Because really, that’s what keeps me writing.

For all those times I share and then you’re brave enough to say, “Me to,”

…bonding happens.

It’s how we connect.

It’s when we feel safe.

They’re one of the most comforting words I could hear.

It’s what’s brought me my closest friends in life.

It’s what has brought me all of you.

It’s what builds bonds that last.

It’s what my blog and my writing is all about.

So, now I can say when people ask me what kind of blog I have,

“It’s a ‘Me too!’ Blog.”

I wrote more about this on my article over on Candace Cameron Bure’s website, RooMag.

(where i’m a monthly contributor, btw!)

It’s called, There’s freedom in saying “Me too.”

Come over, read, comment, and feel free to say those magic words.

xoxo

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need humility? have kids.

May 24, 2012

Oh, how parenting keeps me humble.

Taylor, my spirited strong willed one….has always kept me on my toes.

At home.
And in public.
But, mostly his “shows” are just when he’s around me or his dad.

Then the moment he steps into the care of ANYONE ELSE, his halo comes out and people absolutely delight in him.

Once he started school, his halo made a permanant appearance, and at every parent/teacher conference they absolutely gushed over my son, and I had to ask several times….

“You mean Taylor??? Taylor SALDANA???? The one who THROWS himself on the floor in public simply because the sky is blue???”

I admit, yes….he IS a pleasure and incredibly sweet and oh so very tender hearted….but at that age it seemed to be so very tucked WAYYYYYY under the screaming insane temper tantrums.

{the ones we had to start recording to prove we weren’t really liars.}

But, Chloe.

Oh sweet happy go lucky, just wants to make people happy, Chloe.

While a bit fiesty (like her mama), her passion to make you smile just overshadows it all.

She snuggles and giggles and laughs and sings and dances and is just sooooo happy.

Because of this, I couldn’t WAIT to get her into preschool to show off my AMAZING parenting skills, because…

“Look! She does tricks! And she’s HAPPY! And this is all because of ME and my amazing parenting!!!”

But then school began….and my humbling took place.

Every week.

For 10 months.

Although, I think maybe we had 2 good months, so to be fair I’ll say 8.

Nearly every week when I drop off Chloe, it seems as though the teachers suddenly find themselves VERY busy.

Nearly every week I have had the pleasure of having a parent/teacher conference when I pick up my SWEET little beautiful and STUBBORN girl, Chloe.

You can only imagine my confusion.

THIS was the child I was supposed to hear all the amazing wonderful “She’s such a pleasure to have in class, and we LOVE the tricks you’ve taught her you WONDERFUL AMAZING PARENT who created all this on PURPOSE!!!”

Instead, I have her teachers number on speed dial, a warm seat in the principals office, and sorrowful looks from the parents who watch me each and every week “stay after class.”

My humbling only continued last week when I may have started crying at 8:30 in the morning, while I stood in my “outside pajamas” (sans bra), staring at said SWEET daughter who was in the midst of FREAKING THE EFF OUT in the middle of the preschool hallway.

{if you thought that sentence lasted forever, try standing in a public hallway watching your childs head spin.}

And all because I wanted her to start saying “hi,” or at the very least wave to her principal when she was greeted every morning.

I know.

I’m a terribly mean mother.

I don’t even allow wire hangers.

One thing about parenting I’ve learned is that you can’t take credit for ANYTHING.

Never ever brag, and never ever judge another mother.

Because their humbling is happening, you just may not get the chance to see it in public like others get to see mine.

{it’s like they know i need blog material or something. my word.}

What has your kid done to embarass you lately?
Feeling humble?

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sometimes loss teaches a lesson…

May 22, 2012

Today I’m over at Dead Dads Club (The Mama Mary Show‘s sister website) sharing about what losing my dad at such a young age taught me about love and life.

I hope you’ll take a moment to click over and hear a little part of my journey.

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what nobody told me about my 20’s….

May 21, 2012

Recently, I did a guest post on my friend Juliana’s blog for her 20 something series.

In case you missed it, here’s the post for you to catch up on.

What No One Told Me About My 20’s, and if they had, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have listened….

I was one of those girls waaaaaay back in my teens and 20’s who could never be told anything.
I didn’t want or need advice because I had it ALL figured out.
I knew better.
I saw things more clearly.
I had life by the reigns and I was in control.
{oh how i wish i had that now in my 30’s, cause now i’ll take ANYONES help and advice!}

My first wake up call was about the age of 19.
I’d been a bit wild and reckless, both with guys and partying for a few years, you know…just going through the normal teenage rebellion type phase.

But one night at a party, when things started to get heated and emotional, I sat there watching it all unfold and all I could think was, “What has become of my life? Who are these people, and are they even my friends? Why am I even here being involved with stuff like this?”

I went home that New Years Eve night and wrote out all that I wanted to change in my life….and the next day I woke up and made a decision to walk away from that crowd and that way of life.
I got back involved with my church, and then a few months later decided to pack up and drive to California to start all over.
All by myself, not knowing a single person.

It sounded lovely and amazing.
Now in my mid 30’s, I think doing such a thing would send me into a panic attack.
But that’s the the thing about your 20’s.
You’re still kind of a child, but also starting to ease into adult life a little more.
For me at that age, it was about taking risks.
Being wild and free.

Loving hard, and feeling deeply.

It was all about having fun, really.
I just wanted to sleep, go dancing, hang out with my friends, meet hot boys, and have FUN!
I found an amazing church, incredible friends, and tried to find a balance between the world’s way of fun and my faith.
I was walking a thin line between the two, but I felt it was at least better then where I had been before.

It was all about me, all about fun.

But, when I lost my dad suddenly due to a fatal heart attack when I was 23, my whole life and perspective changed.
Life was not fun anymore….and I was confused, broken, lost and hurt.
Suddenly the guys I had been dating weren’t so fun and they definitely weren’t there for me when life really became real.
I realized I had been giving my heart to so many that weren’t worthy of having something so special.

Thankfully I had better taste in friends, and they were there to help me find my way.

And then I met Jimmy.

We had met briefly before my dad died, but it wasn’t until after that our friendship really grew into something deeper and more meaningful.
He was there for me, not asking for anything, not needing anything, not playing games, not being anything but loving and comforting and a real true friend.

Without intention, I found myself beginning to pull away from the guys I had been “dating” and found myself instead wanting to spend more and more time with Jimmy.
And within a few months, we found ourselves madly in love, ready to take it from friendship to engaged.
{yes. we moved fast. i wouldn’t recommend it really. for those of you in your 20’s….}

I share all of this to bring you to THE moment in my 20’s where I had one of my greatest wake up calls.
You see, Jimmy had been a “good” boy.
Never had he partied, and never had he been drunk.
But, the biggest thing was that he had saved himself for the woman he was going to marry.

And to me that meant everything.

It made me love and respect him even more.
It also made me dread having to tell him the full truth about my past….
because it most definitely wasn’t squeaky clean.
You see, my philosophy had always been to just have fun now and make better choices later when I was “grown up.”
I had only ever really thought about myself.

I hadn’t thought about the day that all that fun could potentially really hurt someone else.

But the day that Jimmy and I finally had the talk about my past, and I had to be truthful, it was one of the hardest moments of my life.

Seeing the hurt on his face, and the tears in eyes, literally broke my heart…
because all my fun and all my selfishness was now breaking his.
It took months….maybe even a year for us to heal and recover and without a whole lot of prayers and God’s healing touch, I’m not sure we would have made it.

But it was in THAT moment that I realized and knew….this life God had given me?

It was SO not about me.

My choices were not just going to affect me….they had and would and would continue to affect everyone in my life that loved and cared for me.

It was THAT moment that was a life changer for me.

Every day from that point on I made every effort to fully give over my life to the Lord, and let go of all the selfish ways I’d been holding onto for “fun.”

My way was hurting others, and I knew God’s way was so much better.

I realized it all comes down to choices.

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes walking a very hard and painful road to learn the greatest lessons….

and that day in my 20’s I learned.

It has most definitely changed the course of my life.
I still have fun.
I still love to dance.
I still love to take risks (except with food, my hair, and moving)….but now?
I take a moment to pray and to think beyond me.

I lay it all down before the Lord….and I allow HIM to take the wheel.

{if this was a musical, Carrie Underwood would now come out and sing “Jesus Take the Wheel.” But, sadly, it’s not. It’s just a blog post. No singing here. But you’re humming it now, aren’t you?}

And let me tell you.
It is so freeing.
So fun.
And nobody gets hurt that way.
And that, you guys, is the thing I wish I could tell everyone in their teens and 20’s.
{and MAKE them obey me!!!!}

Just think beyond yourself.

If you do this now, you’ll save yourself and so many others a world of hurt.

Or don’t obey….and learn for yourself the hard way.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you!!!

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i have a daughter

May 17, 2012

I read this poem in a book called Sticky Faith (incredible book, btw. a must read for parents!), and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.

Naturally, I had to share it with you.

~~~~~~~

Daughter 17

I have a daughter 17

When she lies to me….I love her.

When she disappoints me….I love her.

When she doesn’t live up to my expectations….I love her.

When she reflects poorly on my name….I love her.

“Now I can understand how when she pleases you and obeys

you…and fulfills you…,” you say.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

It’s when she does none of these things…I love her.

AND for a very simple reason.

I’m her father….and she’s my child.

~~~~~~~

Now I want you to imagine that God is speaking these exact words to you.

Because He is your Father.

You are His child.

And you are so loved.

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peace in anxiety

May 15, 2012

i was almost there.

or so I hoped.
so much time had passed, and I felt my strength begin to grow.
confidence and joy filled my heart.

i wondered if possibly it was over???
i enjoyed the silence.
i embraced each and every moment of my life.
i found my laughter.
i flashed my smile.

and then there it arrived this morning….

in the moment I allowed my eyes to slowly rise open, I felt there was a difference.

and it was a cold feeling.

my mouth felt dry and my body felt weak.

my hands trembled, and my thoughts raced.

and i was once again humbled.

i opened my devotion and read of His strength.

i listened to songs of worship and was reminded of His promises.

i knelt and i prayed, and i wept and reached out.

and even though it felt intense and scary, i had a certain peace that hadn’t existed before.

and though my heart was still racing, and the tears were still spilling…

i felt comfort.

comfort in His words.

comfort in His love.

comfort in knowing that He is BIGGER than any single moment.

He is more powerful than any anxiety or problem we face.

and then one by one, He sent my angels to my door to show me that i am not alone.

there they were, the ones who get me.

the ones He sent without me even looking….

and i felt peace.

the anxiety is still there…a little.

i’m tired.

and worn down.

but my heart is alive.

my soul is joyful.

because in these moments, He shows up.

in these moments, He teaches me one more lesson.

it may never be over for me.

this may always be my struggle.

but in my weakness, HE IS STRONG.

and He is proving that to me, time and time again.

i trust His plan.

in His plan,

i have learned to love better and deeper.

i’m more honest and real and open.
i’m less afraid.
i’m more accepting and forgiving.

I just wouldn’t be me, the me He created me to be, if it weren’t for this struggle.

He knows what He’s doing…

i believe that, because i see His beauty and His promises when i look into the eyes of those blessed friends He’s given me.

and when i look at the sunset that captures my breath.
and when i hear my children’s pure and happy sounds of laughter.

and in all the ways He shows His capability and strength…

i see.

i suffer.

i love.

i believe.

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nothing good happens after 10 at night

May 9, 2012

My mom always said nothing good happened after 10:30pm….

but sometimes moms are wrong.

For example.

I’m an especially good mom at night.

When the kids are sleeping, I am SO patient and full of love and wisdom and gentleness, it even blows me away!!!

Sometimes I even go into their rooms and whisper my insights and love just so they aren’t missing out.
Sure they’re asleep still, but I know somehow it gets in their hearts.

I’m also an incredible housecleaner, writer, organizer, friend, wife…you name at….I can be it.

At night.

But it’s very specific time frame for me.
When I say night, I don’t mean when the sun goes down.
I don’t mean when the kids go down either.
{which some ~~judgingly~~ lovingly joke is basically the same time}

I mean the later it gets, 10:30pm and on, the happier, and wiser, and funnier, and more charming I become.

I can get deep and meaningful, or I can laugh and find the humor…

I send sweet texts, I write thoughtful emails, and a love note to my husband flows effortlessly.

It’s at that time when suddenly I look at everything through rose colored glasses.
OR MAYBE….
It’s at that time that I am actually seeing things for how they truly are.

Because things in my life really ARE rosy.

{why yes, I AM writing this at night}

So, I have from basically around 10:15 until whenever I decide to go to bed to fully enjoy my day.

The problem with this, is that when I’m up and ready to be the Summer I was meant to be….the world is asleep.

So you see, for me, all the BEST things happen after 10:30 night.

The REAL truth, is that nothing GOOD happens before 10:30 in the morning.

{my mom had it all confused.}

I don’t care what kind of sale, chocolate, or amount of money you have for me.
I just CANNOT smile before 10.

….this may be why i don’t have many friends at taylor or chloe’s school….

it’s all coming together for me now.

huh.

It’s also why Jimmy and I canNOT talk to each other at all before he goes to work.

It’s how we keep the marriage together.

{side note: we also choose not to talk when we’re hungry. this also goes a long way towards a lasting marriage as well.}

It’s this lesson I am trying to teach my kids….

the kids who wake up before 6 am every morning…

“Kids, that saying about the early bird? NOT TRUE! NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS BEFORE 10 AM, especially in this house!!!!”

They haven’t quite picked up on that lesson yet.

So, if you want to truly know me…and love me….

Hang out with me after 10.

PM.

{or just keep reading my blog, because most of its written by night Summer anyway.}

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can i make a difference?

May 3, 2012

Nothing mourns my soul more than to think that I could possibly be wasting the life and breath God has given me.

And so I ask often, of myself, of the Lord….

“Am I worthy? Can I make a difference?”

I think we as women, as moms, or as people simply trying to find meaning in our lives….

have all asked this question at one time or another.

I’d love it if you’d join me today over at Roo Mag where I share my journey through these questions, and the truth God has spoken into my life through it.

I pray He speaks truth into yours as well.

Hope to see you there!

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when i’m not here, i’m there….

May 1, 2012

How on earth is time flying so fast?

Between a new baby nephew in my life and heart, LOTS of family visiting, and one of our cars finally breathing it’s last breath….life is becoming one big blur.

So, while I’m out negotiating car payments and entertaining guests, check out some of the other websites I’ve been contributing to lately.

When I’m not here, you can always find me there!

~~~~~~~

First up, there’s my YouTube Channel.

I am doing my best to keep up with videos, mostly beauty related, so check them out and let me know what you think.

And if you have other ideas, pass them on!

(coming up in the next few days is my April Favorites…beauty, books, and more!!)

~~~~~~~

Then, Tuesday through Friday you can find me dishing my thoughts via video on the SheKnows Mommalogues.

{only watch if you can stand my voice*. if you can’t, just read the post at the bottom of each video. see, there are options!}

*some people are so KIND with their comments. sigh.

~~~~~~~

Also, there’s a new site launching called allParenting.com and right now there’s a fun article up that I wrote on the top Drugstore Makeup products for Moms.

While you’re there browse around, it’s quickly becoming one of my favorite sites, and not just because I have an article up on it either!

~~~~~~~

And finally, there’s Candace Cameron’s online women’s magazine, RooMag.

I’ll be contributing articles on matters of the heart….and I think my first will up later this week.

But in the meantime, check out the website, because I know it will quickly become one of your favorites.

And trust, I’ll be back to regular schedule posts soon!

By the way….HOW ARE YOU GUYS!

I miss you!!!

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