Archives for October 2010

all the way to heaven and back

October 29, 2010

I had to say goodbye today.

And I sit here with a strange mix of feelings….

sadness, relief, worry, hope and fear, amazement and awe.

It’s all just swirling around my heart and my brain, and so I needed to come and sit.

And write.

Sometimes, it’s not until I write, that I finally get it.

I will often sit and read it all back and then I’ll be overcome with a sense of,
“ahhhh….so that’s what it was all about.”

Here’s hoping…

Nine months ago I opened my heart, my home, and my family to a little boy….

and we were forever changed because of him.

But today, the wind shifted, and it was time for a new chapter in his life.

A new chapter in ours.

As I held him last night, {“just two more hugs,” he whispered}, I reminded him that God has a big plan for his life, and that I had been so lucky to have been a part of that plan.

My heart aches that it’s not different for him.

And maybe it aches a little that it’s not different for me.

It was supposed to be me.

We were supposed to be “it.”

I wanted to make a difference.

I wanted a feeling and a result that never came.

But I had to take my eyes off myself,

off the situation,

and look instead to the Lord.

I absolutely trust His plan.

And He has made that plan clear to me, over and over again.

Nine months.

Just enough time to nurture a baby in the womb so that he’s strong enough to enter the world.

Long enough to love the time and hate the time, and want it to end but never want it to stop.

Long enough to build a bond, and a trust, and a love that will absolutely go beyond any other 9 months you will ever live through.

I had my 9 months.

And I hope I nurtured him enough so that as he leaves my care,

he feels strong, and sure, and safe,

and more than anything, loved.

Sometimes it’s hard to accept your role was small…

but I pray that in his heart he knows that though our time was short,

my love was big.

All the way to heaven and back.

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moving, going crazy, and my babymac

October 27, 2010

I feel I should introduce myself again, ummmm, Hi!

I’m Summer and this here is my bloggie blog.

And you, YOU there are my most favorite person for coming back even though it has been FOREVER since I’ve written.

But now that we MOVED (into a house that has stolen my shopping budget!), I will be needing to share in the delight of homeownership and post some before and after pics.

Although, since we JUST moved, after pics may take another few weeks.

I’m fast, but not THAT fast.

Another biggie…my babymac, or as you might know it, my laptop, has crashed just one year after it’s birth.

I’m only DYING slightly, as it held all my pictures from the beginning of ALL FREAKING TIME….

so I’m putting the pressure on Jimmy to get things fixed and saved pronto.

I mean, come on, I have an audience to get back to.

{Audience = you, yes the one you who is still coming back, but the one you who so totally counts….swear it!}

We were speaking of babies….

I don’t quite know what I was thinking, but the first night we stayed at our new house, I put my two year old into a big girl bed.

Yes, you read that right, and well you would expect this from a first time mom….all of you know that I am NOT a first time mom, and I so should have known better.

Hindsight is always 20/20….

8 times the first night, 2 the second.

But, it’s the NO EFFING NAPS (calm yourself, summer, calm yourself) that are seeming to make me caaa-razy.

I mean, she’s cutting into my selfish “me time” with Tracy Anderson.

How will I ever look like Giselle if I don’t get my workouts in?

I mean, Chloe’s a girl, shouldn’t she get that???

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, who is the selfish one here???

So ya, lots of stuff going on, but it’s starting to settle, and I forsee a regular posting schedule coming up again.

And by regular, I most definitely mean more than it has been lately.

In fact, I have a couple of amazeball giveaways to do, so that’s kind of a big deal.

Right?

Anyway, if I’m not back in a few days with babymac in tack,

(i busted a rhyme, yo!),

somebody send help….I may not survive.

Miss you mass.

Love you more!

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i did it, i got dressed up

October 12, 2010

{could you just DIE over Tay’s look?}

what i’m wearing:

dress: vintage from my thrift store, totally a granny brand (also worn here)

tights: costco, the best tights on earth

shoes: shoedazzle (run! you will be obsessed!!!)

necklace: wet seal, from ages and ages ago

ring: mark.com

flower hair clips: h&m

sunnies: um….f21?

event: another wedding, another day (seems these are the only events worthy of a photo opp lately…)

I need to get a life again,

or at least pretend I do and make use of my wardrobe for more fashion posts.

Kinda missing my dorky poses, if I do say so myself.

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i thought my sister had embarrassing moments

October 6, 2010

I’ve been staying away from the blog because life is complicated and messy and all things important have been COMPLETELY up in the air.

And really, I can only post about that stuff so much before even I want to pull my hair out.

So yesterday I cozied up on the couch with the rain pelting down outside, and I attempted to soothe such blue-ness while eating my weights worth of chocolate, licorice, diet soda, cookies, PB&J, and the most amazing de-lish cheese pizza….

and yes…

kind of in that order.

Weirdly, it didn’t help.

Here’s what did:

At the end of my mopey day, I headed out to pick up my foster son from preschool.

As I walked in, I found that not a one of the teachers would look me in the eye.

Perhaps they noticed I hadn’t showered?

Oh no.

It was worse.

As his teacher handed me his things, one of which was the plastic bag that had held his lunch, she said with a smile, “I think you may have packed a little something extra for his lunch today.”

Confused, I began to undo the DOUBLE KNOT of the bag and cautiously I peered inside….

….only to see my STRAPLESS BRA.

My 32A (since the secrets out anyway),

what appears to be a training bra but really isn’t,

strapless bra.

Inside my fosters son lunch bag.

At his private christian preschool.

Where sometimes the pastor lunches with the kids.

Where I have to show my face twice a week….

And because I wanted them to think I had noticed I went the day without it, I exclaimed,

“Oh! So, that’s where it was! I was so looking for it all day!”

Um. Ya.

She went on to tell me with a giggle that they all had a good laugh as the entire preschool sat at the lunch table while my little guy whipped out the contents of his lunch before them all, and then yelled,

“A BRA?!? WHAT IS A BRA DOING IN MY LUNCH?!?”

And seriously, what WAS a bra doing in his lunch?

You don’t want to know.

In my defense, it WAS an accident though.

Poor kid.

As though being in a foster home wasn’t enough to send him to therapy….now he’ll really have issues.

At the very least, it totally made me laugh.

An honest, from my gut, laugh….

and while it was at my expense,

it was still the exact medicine I needed.

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