Archives for June 2010

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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So with the lesson of Friday still working it’s way into this week, I’ve decided that it’s enough talking about change. It’s time to just. start. doing. it.

This week Tay has an all day camp he gets to go to, and I’ll have a chance to relax with just two (who says, “just two?” Oh. A mom of three, that’s who.), so I should be able to get things some things done.  I’ll start with patience.  Patience is easier with two than three.  Trust me.  So that’s first on my list.

This morning I just woke up feeling mo.ti.vated. Aw girl. You don’t even know. Wha’cho back.

Ya, so um….

I have fallen off the healthy train wagonmagig in the way of eating, and my thighs are none to happy about it, ‘specially when I have to bare them (shield your eyes people!) in my bathing suit.

So, I made up my two week workout plan.

For you Tracy addicts, it’s:

Mon/Wed/Fri ~ Mat Workout (fave one like, um, ever!) and original Dance Cardio

Tues/Thurs ~ Post Pregnancy Workout, with the Iron Man Webisode for extra umph for le legs.

Then.

The next week I’m switching the days.

Mon/Wed/Fri ~ Post Preg & Dance Cardio II

Tues/Thurs ~ Mat Workout w/Iron Man Legs

{need all the free tracy links?  see them here}

Ya dig?

Also. I’m back on doing a thing called, Morning Pages. And if you’re familiar with the workbook The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. Basically it’s time spent every morning where you write three pages longhand, and it can be about any and every little thing. I guess you’re supposed to write out all the stuff that is standing between you and your day. You and your creativity. You and you. Make sense? I know, me either. Which is why I have started and stopped this book several times in the last few months. But since I feel that I’m losing my writers touch, it’s time to get serious.  Some of it is a little more “new agey” than I really tend to like, but I just filter out that stuff, or replace it with my own christian beliefs.  Anyway, it’s a good book. 

I also started drinking Kombucha.  But I am way too wimpy to drink it without flavor, so I am addicting myself to the Synergy Grape one.  Yummy.  And I feel so much more granola than ever for liking it.

And that’s it.

You’re probably wondering when I’ll tell you that I quit shaving my armpits being that I’m so “healthy,” but trust me, I have my limits.

Kombucha may be that limit.

Isn’t it all so fascinating?

Aren’t you so glad you are now up to date on what I’m doing this week?

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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Ya, so remember on Thursday when I was all, “tomorrow I’ll show you my bedroom?” 

 When I said “tomorrow” I really must have meant “someday in the future.” Because obviously I never got around to taking or posting bedroom pictures.

I need to work on that whole saying I’m going to do something and then not following through thing.

Seriously though. I’ve been making a lot of promises to a lot of people, including myself, without really thinking through it all. I tend to just want to please the masses, and then I realize when I’m covered in pending tasks, that maybe, just maybe I should have first made a promise to myself to pause and breathe.

Breathing can be kind of important too.

So, Friday morning my body decided to prove to me that point in the way of a panic attack. And ya know, those really aren’t good times.

But, it got my attention. And I listened. I stopped and I took a lot of deep breaths. And in the midst of the discomfort rather than hiding or burying myself in tasks, I got up and snuggled my babies on the couch and I just breathed them in. 

It worked, and they calmed me.

Later I was even able to say no to a job, because while I needed the hours and pay, I needed my sanity and family more.

I let go of needing to be perfect for others. Of having to be the savior, of being all that everybody around me expected me to be.

For that moment anyway.

And the panic passed, and I felt proud. Proud that I had survived the pain, and proud for standing up to it rather than hiding from it.

Now that it’s Monday, and the tasks are once again piling up, I’m having to remember the lesson of Friday.

I can say no. 

 I need to hand what is too hard over to Him, and allow Him to do what He does best….bear the burden.

And then I can breathe.

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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This day is always bittersweet for me.

Bitter, being that I lost my dad 8 years ago…He passed away suddenly from a heart attack, and what breaks my heart is that I never got to say goodbye.

I never got one last chance to tell him how much I loved and adored him, and how much he had touched and made a difference in my life.

I know that he’s with the Lord, and he’s more at peace now then he ever was…but sometimes I just wish…especially on days like today, that I could have him here with me. Just so I could tell him how amazing he was. That despite his mistakes, despite his faults and failures…regardless of all the ways he may have felt he failed me…I loved him. Purely, unconditionally, wholly with my entire heart and being.

He believed in me. He hoped for me. He trusted me. He supported me. He understood me. He taught me about forgiveness and hope, he showed me by example to never stop trying to be better. His ability to see potential in not only me, but in everyone who crossed his path….was an incredible gift. One I hope that I have been able to carry on.

I miss him incredibly. I long for one more moment. One more hug. One more time of hearing him call me “sweetie.”

But that’s where the sweet lies in this day.

My husband.

While I may not have my own dad to celebrate, I am so incredibly blessed to see the same love my dad had for me…Jimmy has for our own babies.

He loves them with his whole heart and soul. He gets down on the floor and plays with them. He takes his time to explain things in a way that they know he listens and cares. They watch him and adore him, just the way I had done with my dad.

I watch their relationship and my soul is lifted…and it comforts me because I know that they will be okay no matter what.

There is just something so incredibly special and healing about a fathers love.

You have no idea the difference you made,

or the difference you are making.

I love you Dad…

I adore you Jimmy…

Happy Fathers Day.

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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