Archives for December 2009

And Lexapro.

{Gotta give credit where credit is due ya know?}

Although, I do wonder if perhaps it’s time I try life without it….

hmmm….

Not to mention it was my first year of being in my 30’s and I freaking loved it.

Love getting older.

Not looking older, mind you.

But being older.

I also finally faced some of my stuff, and got busy taking care of it.

{Still taking care of it.}

It certainly wasn’t the easiest year ever, but overall I think I handled it well.

If I do say so myself…

Oh, and here’s a big one.

2009 brought me Glee.

My soul mate of a tv show if there ever was one.

I die.

Love you madly Glee.

Forever and ever.

Amen.

I also made and fostered some incredible friendships….

like this girl here and here…and here.

Life is just that much better with them in my life,

AND

In 2010, I’ve heard there are GREAT chances I might get to see 2 of the three!!!

{Laceyloowho, you better jump on the bandwagon!}

Speaking of Twenty Ten….

Kinda excited about that as well.

Big Plans!

~Getting my tattoo Jan 30, of which I have already placed a deposit on so there will be NO backing out.

{Oh my word!}

And it may look a little something like this,

{My branch of words instead saying: He will bring beauty from my pain.}

with a little bit of this…

{birds for my passed away dad & grandparents…miss them always}

With added flowers, two, one for each of my beauties.

somewhere around this area….

{Kinda wondering though if I will switch to just one shoulder….}

{all 3 images via}

Ahhhh!!!!

The pain!

The beauty.

Get it?

Beauty from Pain?

N.E.WAYS.

~Going on vacay to Miami with my man…without kids!

What what?

I can’t wait to bust out Miami fashion over there!!!

{What is Miami fashion, besides BIG boobs? Cause of that, I have none.}

~Another trip home to see my sissies and nieces and nephew.

Highlight of my summer fo sho.

~Move?

Kinda tired of these apartments.

Maybe we need to buy again.

We’ll see.

~Send my oldest off to KINDERGARTEN!!!

SHUT UP!!!

That is just INSANE!

Yet, as sad as I may be….I will be equally as happy, because silence is golden.

And that’s about all I have planned, the rest….

I’ll take as it comes.

I massively hope I continue to grow and bond with you guys,

because every year that comes and goes,

that is always always one of my greatest highlights.

So, much much love to ya’ll,

each and every one….

and yes, even to you…

wink wink.

Have an Ah-Mazing New Years Eve!!!

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

Every year, I get a little more than giddy about the changes a new year can bring.

It all kinda starts right around my birthday.

A new age bringing in a new year.

And it just feels kinda amazing.

I know a lot of people think it’s overrated and all that jazz, but I just can’t help but feel delight and hope and excitement.

It was after all, the new year that I decided my old way of life was not working for me, and I decided moving to California was just the change I needed….

And just look at me now.

{ha.}

So this year is no different.

I’ve already begun thinking, making my list, praying over it, pondering and…..

well, you get the idea.

Here’s a sneak peek at mine:

~No more TV at nights for the WHOLE DANG FAMILY!

We need more intentional time around here.

Things are abouts to get done round here, shoooot.

~I need to read more. One book a month is the new goal.

With the no t.v. thing, this should be easily attained!

{Already getting started on The Alchemist…amazing.}

~Family devotions every night.

Especially with Taylor heading into Kindergarten and out of his private christian preschool.

~Become better at thank you cards.

I don’t know that I remembered to send a single one all year.

Lame.

~Blog differently, but better.

You may not notice, but my heart will.

~Drink less soda.

I’m bouts to explode from the carbonation.

~~~~~~~

So whatchoogot?

Tell me all the dirty deets…I wanna hear and be inspired.

Inspire me.

I am there.

And when I need to figure out the jumbles of my mind.

I am there.

I never hold back. Never try to be something or someone I’m not.

The years of journals now fill a chest.

There is a chest full of me.

And it absolutely blows me away.

So much of my life could have been forgotten.

And maybe at times, I wish it had been.

But, it’s there.

My words.

My heart.

Me.

While I love this little world I’ve created here on Le Musings….

I have to be honest, it is not nearly as pure.

Because I know it’s not completely safe.

Nothing will replace my journal….and I pray the day my kids are able to put their own thoughts into words, I can pass on the gift to them as well.

What about you?

Where do you bare your soul?

What gives you that sense of freedom?

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

As long as I continue to face the fear.

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

~~~~~~~

My life as a musical

I love musicals.

Love them like a piece of chocolate cake with fudge icing. When I sit in a theatre, or in front of a movie screen, and life is put to song and dance, I feel giddy like a teenager with her first crush.

You know how t.v. shows always begin with a theme song, and then with each cast member their names are shown and the camera closes in on catching them in a frivolous act, and suddenly they stop and smile? So, when I was little, I thought maybe, just maybe there was a t.v. show about my life somewhere in the world, so every once in awhile I would stop and smile. At the invisible camera catching me while I brushed my teeth.

Even at a young age, I knew, life should always happen to a song.

As an adult, not much has changed. I mean, I do now know that I am not part of a secret tv show being filmed, but I do still think my life should not be without a song and dance attached.

My husband has learned this about me, and has even begun to submit to my ways.

For example….I’m trying to decide what to eat for dinner. I begin to hum a little diddy…

“I’m so hungry…oh so hungry….life is so hard when I don’t know what to eat….

What, oh what should I be eating? I’m so hungry, life is hard…”

And then if I’m really into the moment, jazz hands get thrown in, and I sing it in falsetto and hope Jimmy will join in. It took some time, but now he does. Although, in case his friends are reading…not really. But really, he does.

“I don’t know Summer, I don’t know Summer, I don’t know what tell you to eat. Please relax though, just relax though, life is hard when you are hungry…”

Whatever, it’s weird. I know.

But, since I don’t have Broadway knocking on my door, I have to use my talent somehow.

Another way I make my life a musical is in the car, where I keep my collection of broadway show tunes. When I pop Chicago in the player, I become Roxy Hart. And I am not kidding. I am really Roxy Hart. I’ve even had people pull up next to me and mouth, “Roxy? Is that you?”

And I shake my head in complete modesty, and say, “No no, but your not the first to make that mistake.”

One last way I make life a musical in in the moments that call for a well known song. You know where somebody unknowingly says a line like, “Please, don’t go.” And you can’t help (by you I mean me) but belt out, “Please don’t go girrrrrllllll….”

Ya, so I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this other than I thought why not share some totally and utterly weird and embarrasing about myself.

So, there you go. Mock me…just make sure to do it in song.

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

And yet, I remained incomplete.

Years later, the tears would fall. A longing. A familiar void.

Incomplete?

Babies. The answer would be babies.

With watered eyes, I shared such revelations with Jimmy. Together we held hands and took in the moment. The moment of finding completion. My tears of sadness turned to tears of hope.

A month went by and I became pregnant. 9 long months later, my beautiful son was born. I felt amazing. I had purpose. My baby.

Time continued to pass as the seasons changed, and yet I remained the same. Purposeless. Filled with a void. A longing.

Incomplete.

I had my soul mate. I had my baby. What could be missing?

And so I searched and searched. I cried and cried. Then I waited and waited.

Still nothing, and the void became all encompassing.

My self, my soul, my smile and heart….were lost to the search. The quest. The hopelessness.

A bigger house, a higher raise, a nicer car….another baby.

And still. I remained. Unfulfilled.

As a secret is whispered softly from ones lips to anothers ears, the truth recently became mine. My eyelids heavily came to a close. A breath escaped from my soul.

It was not outside of me. It was not even within my physical or emotional grasp.

Yet I felt it, I heard it. Beyond and inside. All encompassing. Lifting me up, beckoning me on. Right there, right here.

Standing still. I knew.

The void still existing…yet subsiding one breath at a time.

Nothing physical could make it dissipate.

So I give my heart, my soul, my life…all that is within and all that is external…and the moment I do,

His breath replaces mine.

Not lost, not without hope, not without purpose. Not unfulfilled. Created for a purpose.

One breath at a time, I draw nearer toward becoming perfectly complete.

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”