Archives for July 2009

Sometimes I find that being a writer is tough.

In every moment, in every part of life, there are words. There are phrases. There are pictures and memories to be captured. And in that second, minute or hour, you aren’t sure what will come of it. You just know, that it will eventually come.

And suddenly when you are brushing your teeth, running your errands, trying to sleep, it comes to you. The perfection of words. The puzzle peices of your thoughts are out of nowhere complete. And you feel as though if you don’t stop right now and put it into writing, it will be gone. Poof. As quick as the moment may have been itself.

If you’re lucky, it goes from the mind to the screen or paper as easy as you could ever hope. Other times, the connection between your mind and your hands is lost, and you are once again lost in thoughts swirling with words.

You wonder, are you losing your touch? The creativity, is it gone? Can you even write?

And yet, if you are truly a writer, a writer deep at heart…these questions will fade the moment you just do it. You just write. Something. Anything. Good or bad, you do it. And when you do it, you feel release. You feel complete. You feel whole and worthwhile.

Being a writer is tough.

And yet, I continue to grasp it so tight, each and every confusing and tiring moment it brings.

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

I realize with the last post that some of you may be confused. What with the going back and forth between blogs and news sources to get the whole story. And since the media just loves to play things out, let me help things along.

So here you go. In chronological order…

Mama Kat voicing her anxieties about meeting me….can you blame her really?

The meeting and Mama Kat’s after thoughts….

Incredible honesty and sweet words:

And finally….

The happy couple, together at last:

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

On the off chance you didn’t see it on the news, or read about it in US Weekly, this last Monday Mama Kat had the pleasure of meeting me. And I, her, of course.

We knew what we were attempting, trying to go in public without being recognized, was a difficult feat, but try we did.

It was a tough doing our best to be incognito…we felt as though we were being stared at the entire night. Even our waiter couldn’t stay away from the table, making up excuses to fill our sodas just so he could be near us. Little did he know it was so obvious he knew who we were.

It certainly didn’t help things that Mama Kat wore her apron. It was kinda like she wanted to be known. Hmmmm…..

With each walk to the bathroom, with each puking session Chloe decided to have at the table, with each crying fit Taylor threw over a lost balloon, we couldn’t shake the feeling that people were watching us. Staring at us really.

It’s hard being famous. It’s tough having people watch your every move.

But, I have to say….it was quite refreshing to dine with someone who understands such complicated living.

Anyway, all in all, it was super fun. You know besides the puke, the crying, and the kiss I supposedly missed out on.

What I really loved most about meeting my BSF (secret code, don’t ask), was her refreshing honesty:

I also thought I would share a couple pictures with you before you see them on E! News…

So, if blogging doesn’t make me really explode into reality tv fame or grant me the illustrious book deal, or place me on the Momversation videos…

then at least I can say…

from all this blogging craziness, I’ve met an awesome, non creepy friend…and that alone makes it all worth it.

Sniff sniff.

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

I had a moment…and it’s moments like these I need to remember.

I was content. I looked around at my life, and I smiled in my soul. I breathed in, I breathed out, I felt okay.

For that one moment, I allowed myself to accept me. There were no menacing thoughts, instead I embraced what God had blessed me with.

My children. My babies. My home. My body. my body…. My marriage. My friends. My family.

I let go of the shoulds, the should not’s. I breathed in, I breathed out. I was okay.

I was not trying. I was not working for. I was not anything, but in that moment.

I breathed in, I breathed out.

In that moment…

I was alive. I was free. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

It’s moments like these, that if I don’t grab them and taste them and feel them and know them….they could simply pass away.

Recently, I shared about a really hard break up that I recently went through. It was incredibly tough, and for quite some time I was in denial. I knew she had left me….I knew it was over…but I wasn’t sure I could move on.

Suddenly the dreaded day came when my roots began to show, and though the heartache hadn’t completely healed, I knew it was time to move on. I couldn’t sit and sulk any longer. It wasn’t what Aviva would want of me anyway. She’d want me to be happy. To move on. To find new love.

And so, I placed the call and made plans for my first date.

When the day came, I found myself a little nervous. It was a combination of first date jitters mixed with excitement about possible new love.

As I stared into the abyss of my closet, I couldn’t help but obsess about what to wear. Super trendy to show my style or relaxed and no fuss to show I can be low maintenance? I opted for a maxi dress and a hanes tank. A little style with a little relaxed. I carefully applied my makeup, taking my time to make it all just right.

On the drive there, I found myself wondering….what if she didn’t like me? What if her hair was orange and she thought that was a suitable shade of blonde? What if she had just graduated from Beauty School and I was one of her first clients? Or….what if…and I sudder even thinking about it, what if we didn’t have anything to talk about? Would I instead awkwardly read a book or a magazine and never know the person who was making me, me?