Worry & Anxiety….
I didn’t really understand these things until after I got married. And even more so after I became a mom. I mean, of course I worried before then. I worried that I would be late to my hair appt, or that my budget for the month wouldn’t include enough for that shopping spree I needed. And of course, I worried about the zit on my chin that wouldn’t go away before a big date. I had lots of worries, and at the time they seemed huge.
But things change.
Once I got married, life became bigger. More important stuff seemed to be happening. I now had to tend to life outside of just me. My worries soon became more like, would Jimmy ever learn to stop snoozing the alarm clock in the morning? Would he learn to throw his dirty clothes in the hamper and not beside the hamper? Would we collectively make enough so that I could afford that much needed shopping spree? Would I ever learn to make more than mac and cheese or hamburger helper so as to feed my family??? (I had much bigger issues of course than all this, but who wants to go there so soon in my writing???) 😉
But again, things change.
I had Taylor. Life was even bigger. Very important stuff seemed to be happening. I had two lives to tend to outside of mine. My worries quickly became very serious. Would I ever be able to stop producing milk? Would I ever sleep through a night again? Would I ever be able to leave the house where I was showered and dressed and feeling sane? (even just one of the three would have been nice!)
Two years later…this is when I really understand worry. Bear with me, it’s about to get serious here. (Seriously. Now it’s time to get to those issues I talked about!)
Things started to come to a head with Jimmy’s family. A diagnosis was made, skeletons in the closet were exposed and drama was unfolding. At the same time, my much admired and respected grandpa (Taylor and he share the same middle name) was dying of bone and prostate cancer. Our money was tight, and we were living paycheck to paycheck just barely. It was a day by day thing where every day some sort of news hit us, and I felt like I was losing it all.
I started to worry constantly about this and that, and began to think of things that could happen and how awful life would be if it did. I worried my way into panic so often, that I began to withdraw from the people and things I loved. I didn’t know how to stop.
And then of course, I saw that I was so caught up in my “issues” that I wasn’t able to care for Taylor and Jimmy the way that I wanted to. I started to lose sleep, and often had nights where I was awake all night long. My worry then became even worse. What if I never pulled myself out? What if Tay has to be raised by a mom in constant anxiety? Would Jimmy leave me? Would I end up the homeless lady on the street? (I told you, I have issues!)
Thankfully, my faith, my God, and my family and friends continued to be there for me and pray for me, and slowly I became better and better. I started to do a lot of reading and learning about worry and anxiety. I wanted to understand why and how I got where I was, and how to avoid getting there again. I learned that it all came down to contentment. Being in the moment. Taking things day by day. Trusting God.
Two unbelievable books helped the light bulb to come on. The Anxiety Cure & Finding Calm in Life’s Chaos. Here are the simple ideas that have changed my life…
*Never dwell on tomorrow – remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours. Matthew 6:34 – “So don’t be anxious about tomorrow, God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” We are to entrust all our tomorrows to Him, and live just today.
*Anxiety is that which divides and distracts the soul, that which diverts us from present duty to weary calculations of how to meet conditions that may NEVER arrive. It’s the habit of crossing bridges before we reach them.
*Depression is the past superimposed on the present, and anxiety is the future superimposed on the present.
*Worry never changes a thing, except the worrier.
*It has been well said that no man ever sank under the burden of the day. It’s when tomorrow’s burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear. Never load yourselves so, my friends. If you find yourselves so loaded, at least remember this: it is your own doing, not God’s. He begs you to leave the future to Him and to mind to the present.
*Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of it’s sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
*This is the blessed life – not anxious to see far in front, nor eager to choose the path, but quietly following behind the Shepherd, one step at a time. The Shepherd was always out in front of the sheep. He was down in front. Any attack on them had to take him into account. Now God is down in front. He in the tomorrows. It is tomorrow that fills men with dread, God is there already. All the tomorrows of our life have to pass Him before they can get to us.
*Often times the things we worry about are far bigger and more overwhelming then they would be in real life. Once, and IF, they come, they are more often than not easier to manage.
Okay, if I keep going, I’ll rewrite both books.
But, It seems so simple, huh?
Only it’s not.
Knowing it is one thing, living it is another.
But, I have chosen to take these truths and remind myself of them every time a worry enters my head. Sometimes it’s every ten minutes, other day’s it’s just a few times an hour. *enter a laugh*
I write this mostly to remind myself. Because though today, I’m holding firm, tomorrow may bring something different. Who knows maybe I’ll be late to my hair appointment this week. But, that’s in God’s hands, right?
© 2008 “Le Musings of Moi”
{UPDATE: this has since closed down. No longer selling mark.)
