it’s meant to be my life

June 4, 2012
Prayer is the language
{via}

I haven’t gotten too deep around here lately.

Mostly, I’ve been pouring my heart into reading and studying and praying….and reflecting.
Trying to process where I am and what God is saying to me.

Remember when I was saying a few weeks back that I had a fleeting moment where I felt that things were about to change and I didn’t know how or why?

You guys, I had no idea.

But, I think I’m beginning to see just a little of what He’s up to.

Thankfully God knows how much (or how little) I can handle, and so he reveals things in slivers.
{fragile little flower that I am.}

But I see a glimpse and I feel giddy and scared, but peaceful and sure…
because I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is from Him.

To some of you who aren’t believers, all this may sound quite strange to you….
and trust me, it’s sometimes even strange to me.

I’m still seeing things through a fog, but it’s as though I have new eyes and I’m slowing seeing it clearly.

I’ve been a believer for almost all my life.
But, I’ve had moments of doubt and wonder and testing of my faith and beliefs, and in the end I’ve always trusted and known deep down, God is real.

Believe it or not, it’s absolutely true.

And then I continued on with my life.

My faith and God have always been a part of my life.

I search for things to keep me busy and keep my attention, hobbies that bring me joy and pleasure, and then where there’s room, I allow my christian life and activities to fill in the gaps.

I didn’t realize all this time that I wasn’t quite getting it right.
I looked around my christian circle and it seemed like it was just what it was supposed to be.

But all this time, all my life, there has always been a stirring in my heart for more.
I just haven’t ever been…at peace.

And I know that until I see Jesus face to face, this is a feeling I will always struggle with, but still….I knew in this life, there HAD to be more.

I was created for more.

Recently, I’ve been praying a lot…
Reading a lot….
Studying and listening and worshipping, and trying my absolute best to be OPEN to what God wants for me and my life and my family.

I’ve kept quiet mostly through all of this.

Not sharing my thoughts and heart with anyone, simply because I didn’t want to be influenced by anyone other than the Holy Spirit.
It felt as though we weren’t on the same page with a lot of things, and yet I KNEW God was calling to me to something different.  
I just didn’t know what.
I’m still not entirely sure….
But I knew Jimmy had to be called too.  
On his own, without my influence.
And so I prayed.
And as the days, weeks, and months went on….I saw change began to happen in him as well.
There were discussions and tears, and honest confessions of our hearts.

It’s been….
…I mean, there just aren’t words.

I’m hesitant to say more more (as though this hasn’t been long enough), but I needed to share where I’ve been and where I am.

Because maybe you’re there too….
Maybe you’re starting to look at things differently.
Maybe you’re challenging what you’ve always been taught and wanting to find what’s really true.
Maybe you feel as though there is more…and you’re excited but scared….
and you wonder…
is anyone else out there struggling with this as well???
~~~~~~~

I am a christian.  
I believe in God and that Jesus Christ was his Son who died for each and every one of us so that we can be forgiven.
I know that I am saved by grace and that one day I will spend eternity living in the comfort of His presence.

But I have taken all that and put it into a neat little compartment.
And it’s not meant to be in a compartment.

It’s meant to be my life.
In every area, in every way, in every thought and action….
with all my heart, with all my love, with all my life….
and that is where things are changing.

I have NO idea where I will be next month, in the next year, or in the next ten years.
But I know a seed has been planted in both mine and Jimmy’s heart….
and I had to share.

I need to be held accountable to this…

…because there is one who wants to distract us.
And I am so easily distracted.
So, that’s where I am.
Prayerfully pondering.
Quietly listening.
And openly waiting.
And so ready.
Ready to go and do.
When it’s time.
Where are you?
© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”
SHARE THIS POSTShare on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestGoogle+Email to someone
It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

Comments

  1. Jimmy says:
    June 5, 2012 at 3:49 am

    I will hold you accountable to this!

  2. Brooklynn says:
    June 6, 2012 at 2:39 am

    I just started reading this blog and it speaks to me in so many ways! I wish I could have coffee with you. I love your genuine spirit and heart it is truly reflected in your writing and willingness to be real:)