peace in anxiety

i was almost there.

or so I hoped.
so much time had passed, and I felt my strength begin to grow.
confidence and joy filled my heart.

i wondered if possibly it was over???
i enjoyed the silence.
i embraced each and every moment of my life.
i found my laughter.
i flashed my smile.

and then there it arrived this morning….
in the moment I allowed my eyes to slowly rise open, I felt there was a difference.
and it was a cold feeling.
my mouth felt dry and my body felt weak.
my hands trembled, and my thoughts raced.

and i was once again humbled.
i opened my devotion and read of His strength.
i listened to songs of worship and was reminded of His promises.
i knelt and i prayed, and i wept and reached out.
and even though it felt intense and scary, i had a certain peace that hadn’t existed before.
and though my heart was still racing, and the tears were still spilling…
i felt comfort.
comfort in His words.
comfort in His love.
comfort in knowing that He is BIGGER than any single moment.
He is more powerful than any anxiety or problem we face.

and then one by one, He sent my angels to my door to show me that i am not alone.
there they were, the ones who get me.
the ones He sent without me even looking….
and i felt peace.
the anxiety is still there…a little.
i’m tired.
and worn down.
but my heart is alive.
my soul is joyful.
because in these moments, He shows up.
in these moments, He teaches me one more lesson.
it may never be over for me.
this may always be my struggle.
but in my weakness, HE IS STRONG.
and He is proving that to me, time and time again.
i trust His plan.

in His plan,
i have learned to love better and deeper.
i’m more honest and real and open.
i’m less afraid.
i’m more accepting and forgiving.
I just wouldn’t be me, the me He created me to be, if it weren’t for this struggle.
He knows what He’s doing…
i believe that, because i see His beauty and His promises when i look into the eyes of those blessed friends He’s given me.
and when i look at the sunset that captures my breath.
and when i hear my children’s pure and happy sounds of laughter.
and in all the ways He shows His capability and strength…

i see.

i suffer.

i love.

i believe.

© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this. This came when I needed to hear it.
    How blessed are we that our Father loved us enough to send us his word as our life map.