day 6 & hanger

Tonight Jimmy was taking some pictures of Taylor in his authentic Singapore gear from his uncle, and when I saw them I knew I had to share them..
mostly because he very well displays my emotions today from one moment to the next.
First we have the, “what did i get myself into” face:
photo
Followed by the pouting, angry, “but i’m going to kick this fats a#*” face:
photo-1
I’m not sure what today was all about, but I was in full HANGER mood all day.
Only without the hunger.
So maybe it should just say, full ANGER mode instead.  
I don’t know, maybe it was the looming hard boiled egg and kale juice for breakfast, or maybe it was the morning after morning of Chloe waking me up at 5….but MA WORD. 
There was a full on pity party of 1 that began just minutes after I opened my eyes… 
First it started with a blogging remorse…
wondering if what I started here was really a good idea, and then feeling kinda dumb for thinking I have anything different to share about this whole journey, thinking that my writing isn’t nearly as good as so and so, and why would I think anybody would REALLY want to read it.  
{picture a hand across my forehead in a woah is me sort of way}
A bit like this:
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{hello pms, nice to meet ya…again}
And then I made the mistake of looking ahead in the book to allllllll those extremely healthy meals and the mannnnnnnnnnnnny days of them I have still to complete.
It all just felt so overwhelming.
But then as I was laying in bed mulling over my sucky life, I pulled out my iphone and decided to check emails.  And then there I was crying, once again, but this time they were happy tears.  
Because you guys can’t stop being SO FREAKING NICE to me!  
Would it be so weird if I framed each comment and displayed them around my home?  
Pretty sure Nate Berkus wouldn’t approve….
Hmmm, okay I’ll have to think of another way.
Another bright shining star in my morning was knowing that I would be driving to my Bethy’s house to gobble up our eggs and Kale Juice together.  It is just SO helpful to have her on board as my ally.  
On my way to her house I stopped at Jimbo’s, a health food store, and asked them if they would mind juicing up a couple of shots for me.  I gave the girl the recipe and within seconds I had two shots for $1.75.  
Kind of awesome.  
Plus it saves me $300 something for a juicer. 
Back at Bethany’s, I put the shot in the freezer for a few to get a little cold, and the we downed those babies!  
And you know what?!?  
IT WAS GOOD!  
Okay, so the aftertaste not so much, but nothing a swig o’water couldn’t fix.   
Who am I anymore?!?
I like Kale juice?
The rest of my day was eh.  
I had to continually keep my thoughts and attitude in check, as it just didn’t come easily to me today.
The meals were all fine, although I really LOVED the honeydew & grapes as well as the grilled ahi tuna.  
Seafood hater what?
But honestly?
Everything besides my own food today looked amazing.  
The pancakes Bethany made her kids.
Taylors Lunchables.
Chloe’s PB&J.
The kids chicken nuggets.
I never want those chicken nuggets, but tonight, mmmm….
Oh ma word.  I’m dying.
But I won’t cheat.  The disappointment I’d feel is just not worth it.
And right about the time I found myself questioning why I signed up for this in the first place, Jen W. left me this comment:

I stumbled upon your blog when I searched Tracy Anderson Method and I am so so glad that I did. You are completely great, fun, and totally fierce! Thanks for your words, especially:




“I just want to prove to myself that I can finish something I start.

That I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

That I am worth 30 days of getting clean and healthy.

Without ever once allowing numbers to trip me up!”


I need to hear this. 


I have ordered my book and found myself excited to start – thanks to your posts! Best of luck and keep writing! 

How’s that for your own words biting you in the butt.  Um hello?!?
Besides, she said I’m fierce, and she’s right.  
RAWR.
DSC04405
{okay, close enough}
The workout was the same as yesterday, same reps and all.  For cardio, my shins were sore, so I stuck to the trampoline series instead.  
And this time I went potty between sets, which helped a TON.  
(and my tips just keep on coming…)
I can definitely feel the newlywed stage saying it’s goodbye’s….and I’m realizing that with the vows I said, (dear tracy, I vow to love you and these 30 days through sickness and health, gagging or not…till death of this fat do us part), I’m stuck with this person diet for the rest of my life 24 days so I better make the most of it.
24 days…I guess that’s better than the 30 I started with, right?
And on the bright side of things….searching searching….I got to a really good part in The Hunger Games book.  
Which leads me to another good thing….
to avoid eating more I’ve been reading more, and that’s definitely gotta be good for my cellulite.  
{on the tummy?!?  who GETS that?!?  um….for all you ex’s, not me, that’s who….}

And while I’m not looking at numbers, Bethany is, and when she started this 6 days ago she was 128.  This morning she weighed in at her all time low, 123.5, which she hasn’t been in 6 years!
And keep in mind, she only started the workout today, so that’s kind of amazing, ya?
  So, if that’s not encouragement, I don’t know what is.  
I, on the other hand, am definitely looking more like I ate a big meal and less like I’m about to give birth.
So that’s an improvement, I’d say.
On day 10 I’ll attempt the jeans that wouldn’t button, but not today.
Oh no, not today.
And since I seem to be falling short of encouragement for any of you doing or thinking about doing this, let my husband’s wise words help you out instead…
Me:  RRRRRGHHHHH!  I’m about to lose my flipping mind (flipping is the christian cuss word btw), and I don’t know why!  I just feel so edgy and angry and I just want to scream.  
{wishin’ you lived with me, huh?}
Him:  Oh honey, it’s okay.  Just try to put your mind in another place, because I really think this is just diet related, and you need to push past it.
Gotta love him…
even he followed it with,
“that’s jiu jitsu talk.”
Because everything is jiu jitsu talk with him.
One last thing….as I watched Celebrity Rehab yesterday, I suddenly felt an intense kinship with them.  I now understand the addiction.  The withdrawals.  The wanting to order a beer cheeseburger just to see if I’d really want to eat it.  I know, I know.  I get it.  
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. summer, you can do this!! you are amazing and we are all cheering you on!!! go go go mama 🙂

  2. This is so good! You can do this and you doing this is helping me to do this! Thank you for writing. Again, love your blog!

  3. You can do it Summer! You are doing AWESOME!!! I’m getting ready to start mine any day now and you inspired me to blog my way through as well. I didn’t make it through the whole 30 days the first time either, so I need all the accountability I can get. I wrote about you and linked to you in my blog 😉 You are inspiring me and it helps so much to know that I have a Tracy buddy online doing the 30 days too. You can do this!

  4. I’m doing a little detox myself right now and its been so freaking hard, but reading your blog and seeing how you’re doing ALWAYS gives me encouragement.

    I of course had to start this during PMS and yeah, it was hard but I stuck with it!

    Love reading your blog as always 🙂

  5. I’m SOOOOO happy I found your blog. Today is day 1 for me, I’m optimistic and excited. But I know that in two or three days I will be feeling exactly how you are feeling. So thank you for pushing past it. I have also started blogging about my TA 30 day journey. It’s my very first experience with blogging. I think it’s the only way I can stay accountable to myself. Anyways, thanks again, you truly are FIERCE!!!

  6. I’m SOOOOO happy I found your blog. Today is day 1 for me, I’m optimistic and excited. But I know that in two or three days I will be feeling exactly how you are feeling. So thank you for pushing past it. I have also started blogging about my TA 30 day journey. It’s my very first experience with blogging. I think it’s the only way I can stay accountable to myself. Anyways, thanks again, you truly are FIERCE!!!