I had no idea what I was walking into when God put it on our hearts to become foster parents to the child we have now.
I almost think God blinded us temporarily to the truth of what was to come, because I don’t know that we would have had the faith or courage to move forward.
I am thankful for that though, because as I’ve always said…
I would rather this be hard for me than for this sweet little child I get to tuck into bed every night.
But, here’s where I get honest.
{you knew it was coming, right?}
My life has been turned upside down, and my eyes have been opened to so many things.
My comfortable little world view (or what was left of it) is gone….
as I have had to face a great many difficult truths.
Truth #1:
I always knew there was a Foster System. Foster Families. Foster Kids.
But I never gave too much thought as to what was behind it all.
I never understood the workings, the ins and outs, the stories and lives and HEARTS of the people involved.
But now I see it.
And it’s not pretty you guys, not even in the slightest way.
And what I have seen doesn’t even begin to show what else is going on out there.
Truth #2:
It’s been a long road because this situation has brought out sides of myself and my family that at times shock me…yes, positively…
but, sometimes, ummmmm…..not so much.
I wonder if we would have ever known what lied dormant within us, had it not been for this experience. I can now see that God has brought this into our lives for a thousand reasons, and while I can’t speak for everyone else involved, I know that for me….
I have been handed a mirror to see what is inside my heart,
and oh mah word, there is stuff there…
stuff that is just not pretty.
Having to see something so icky within myself is, well, kind of uncomfortable.
And, of course, my first reaction is to pretend it doesn’t exist and then run Forrest run!
Quick! Change the circumstances just so my life can finally go back to normal.
Only, it won’t.
Ever be normal again.
I will never be able to be that girl I used to be.
And I thank God.
Liter-ally.
And so, I stand here {humbly, oh so humbly} staring that mirror in the face with boxing gloves on,
ready to fight this fight.
Ready to face these truths, and kick their ugly butts, so that I can once again grow and move forward…
….onto His next truth to be shown.
{sigh}
I know God called me to do this,
to accept this responsibility.
And while I may not be “feeling” it at all times, I have recently been shown* that it’s really not about “feelings” at all.
It’s simply about obedience.
God doesn’t call us to feel his decisions, He simply calls us to obey them.
So.
All we have to do is make that faith choice to obey, and God promises to take care of the rest.
All we have to do is make that faith choice to obey, and God promises to take care of the rest.
And I thought I was going to be doing a good thing for someone else….
Like, I said, I had no idea what we were walking into.
And yet I’d obey Him again without a moments hesitation.
I’d obey him then,
and I will,
and I will,
day by day,
hour by hour,
sometimes even moment by moment…
chose to obey him again and again.
~~~~~~~
What is God asking you to do?
Are you willing to set aside your own “self” and just trust and obey?
*{i just gotta say, the book “the way of agape” has been a huge life changer for me, you seriously gotta read it.}
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Oh Summer – what a blessing you are to EVERYONE. Seriously, your honesty, your love, your kindness, your compassion – is more than I could ever bring to the table.
To answer your question – I don’t know what God is asking me to do. To be honest, I have no clue at all. I feel like I have never been SO unsure of my faith.
I should probably email you to pour the rest of my heart out – but I want you know know that you are just amazing!! Really really amazing. And this foster child of yours is just SO blessed to have you in their life!!!
Fostering is such and incredible and admirable experience, but you really are opening yourself up to a whole other world. It’s hard not to judge and question the things you see; hard not to find yourself wondering what the heck is wrong with some people. Hard all around really.
I think you’re amazing though lady, and I think what you’re doing is incredible. Keep it up – you are making such a difference!
You are an amazing and strong woman for being able to do what you are doing for that child.
My aunt fostered her grandkids while her daughter was in a rough patch, she worked two jobs to support all three of them (she’s divorced). It was really trying on her but she knew she was giving those kids structure and the love they needed.
I’m not sure what God will call me to do later in my life, but it sounds to me like this was the right calling for you!
I’m actually thankful I’m blind to the world of fostering and adoption. I know it is not the pretty world all wrapped up in a bow like Annie.
You are truly a blessing.
Thank you for sharing. Several of my family members have fostered children in the past (and currently). One of them was my great aunt & uncle. Sam, the boy they fostered, is now a grown man with a wife and child of his own. He has become a wonderful person and is still a large part of our family.
Bless you & yours,
Whit
my husband has recently felt that we are called to be foster parents. I’m not so sure. In fact I’m like not sure AT ALL. But I know that God will do what God wants to do. Thank you for sharing about your experience. I can totally see God working in you. Your post was beautifully written. <3
Wow Summer, this was a powerful post! As I was reading it, I instantly started to think about what I’ve been reading in the book “The Way of Agape”. Thank you for the referral, btw.
I’m not sure if this is what God is calling me to do but to be honest, I feel he has me here to get my husband and perhaps his family to come close to him. In the 17 yrs I’ve been with my husband, it has been a very dark, rough road but I have stayed while all my friends wondered why. I still continue to go through dark times but I feel it is in God’s will for me to be here, fighting this battle so my husband will come to the Lord. He has excepted him, last year in March after a very dark period which almost broke him, but he is with us and he excepted Jesus but now, the battle is getting him to walk with him, continually. I have to say, the radio station KLOVE has worked some wonders in this house!!
Sorry for the “book”. Thanks for the post though!
Your words are very touching and powerful. Thanks for sharing your story … you truly are an inspiration for all of us!
I am behind in catching up with your posts but so glad I read this one.
Girl you are SO right. Every stinking word. I am wishing I’d written it if I had been brave enough to chronicle my journey on the blog. But fear of the family held me back.
But you know I know. And you have expressed this amazingly.
I love you and your obedient heart. I will always be thankful for that chance meeting in Henry’s. God is amazing.