Let me just warn you before I go on,
this isn’t the brightest of posts so if you want to smell roses….skip ahead to the end.
There’s something sweet for you there.
~~~~~~~
I think I cried at least once every day last week.
And while yes, I am SURE pms played a big part….
I think a lot of it has to do with all this change and challenge
(life testing my lessons)
along with my life all being all up in the air.
Cause see, I’m not so good when things are all out of sorts.
Okay, so first of all I have been emotionally hit in a profound way by this murder that happened within a mile of my home.
And knowing that the killer lived just a block away has me wondering now who is to be trusted and who isn’t.
My heart has truly ached for the poor girl and her family, and I honestly feel such intense anger for the man who caused all this to happen.
I can’t begin to explain the tears I’ve cried, as I didn’t know her, but there isn’t one person in our entire community that hasn’t been affected.
Along with that, we are trying to make decisions regarding our living situation.
We moved to this apartment almost a year ago to save money for a down payment on a house. While we’ve been diligent with that, we are seeing (and being told by our agent) that it’s STILL not the best time to buy.
At least here in SoCal.
So.
Our dilemma is, do we stay in this little place while we wait out the market,
or do we go back to renting a house so that we have a little more room to move?
Oh, and park.
Because the parking situation here may just give Jimmy an early heart attack.
Not to add to the rush or anything, but Tay starts Kindergarten in the fall, so I’d like to make a decision and stick with it soon so that we know where to enroll him.
And I’d really rather not uproot him in the middle of the school year if we don’t have to.
Ya know?
So ya, no pressure there.
And then there’s the foster situation.
My heart aches for this child and both Jimmy and I really believed that God put him on our hearts to have him stay here.
And yet, the process is taking FOREVER….
It’s especially frustrating because there was an emergency foster option that they didn’t take advantage of where they could have placed him within days,
and just NOW they are saying….
“Hmmm, that would have been a faster option.”
Ya, maybe?
I mean, I know they are doing the best they can, but I just wish it was faster.
It’s sad because while the place he is in now may not be ideal,
he has adjusted to it and even bonded with one of the kids,
so now it’s just another adjustment he’ll have to make again in this whole ordeal.
{Even though, I believe it will be worth it in the long run for his sake!}
So the day to day wondering with that whole thing has got me craving sweets and breaking out all at once.
It would just be nice to have some closure to this one way or the other.
I like closure.
I’m really starting to realize that about myself.
I most definitely don’t do well without it.
And because I feel like I’m really on a roll complaining here….
let me just tell you that Chloe seems to be going through her terrible two’s at fifteen months.
Is that possible???
What’s next?
PMS at three?
Ay yai yai.
{or is it ay yi yi? Or maybe even aye aye aye?}
So last night I went to my journal to really let loose,
and I noticed that I had written on the previous entry….
——> {Here’s the something sweet…}
“Make the conscious choice to move the attention of your anxious heart away from the waves and direct it to the One who walks on them and says,
‘It’s me. Don’t be afraid.’
Look at Him and say,
‘Lord, have mercy.’
Say it again and again,
not anxiously but with confidence that He is very close to you and will put your soul at rest”
~Henri Nouwen
Words to live by, right?
I kinda love that….
Shift your attention away from the waves and instead to the One who walks on them.
I need to recite that one over and over in the following weeks for sure.
And just to be clear, I’m not writing this all out for sympathy or sweet comments…
I just felt like I wanted to be truly honest with where I’m at right now.
Because while I try to be positive and make the best of things,
sometimes life just isn’t that way.
Sometimes life is just hard, and venting is necessary.
And now, I will look away from waves…..
~~~~~~~
If you’re following along with the 21 days to a better you challenge,
is up!
And don’t forget to link up if you’re doing it too!
It’s never too late to start!
Speaking of….I need more challenge ideas for next week!
Email me soon or leave them in the comments.
ONE MORE WEEK TO GO!
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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I know how you feel about the murder of Chelsea. I actually went to high school with, and knew, the guy who has been charged with this horrible crime. So I too have found myself thinking constantly about it over the past week. SO, SO, sad. I feel for you for having to live so close. My husband and I lived in Oceanside while he was in the Marine Corps about 5 years ago. For awhile I worked in both Escondido and Rancho Bernardo and loved the area and the people who live(d) there. Such a horrible, unnecessary act.
Enjoy the weekend, spend some time relaxing, and hold your kids just a little longer, and tighter, with each hug. Hope your week gets better (:
3rd person today to speak to me on those very passages. Must be a reason…
Sometimes its okay not to post about happy things….I’ve had to do it a few times as well! I know what you mean about emotions being all over the place! I’ve got a lot of important decisions to make in the next few months and its really taking a toll on me and making me a hot mess (along with PMS so I feel your pain girl).
phew! tough week emotionnally!
i’m all with you and i send you lots of love.
xxx
ps: i think it is aye aye aye!
I just really love that quote….it gave me goosebumps. Oh, the power of a few simple words to really give us perspective. I’m thinking about you sweets!
I have had those weeks. The good news is that you’ll cherish the next week even more when the emotional stuff passes, and it will.
Logan started his terrible 2’s at 17 months and they lasted for almost a year. The good news is that now he is the sweetest little man ever. I’d almost prefer getting that stage out of the way quickly!
I know you’re not wanting sympathy comments but I’m gonna give you one. Wow, Summer…you DO have a lot of tough stuff going on right now. And I’m glad you took the opportunity to vent. I think we, as women, feel like we must have it all together all the time. And while most the time we do…the pressure to do so can be overwhelming. Not sure where the deep thoughts are coming at 7:30 a.m. but I totally can see your frustrations! Hang tight, girl. It’ll turn up soo and especially if you keep repeating that phrase and focusing on our Savior. I {love} that phrase and will use it too.
any sympathetic or sweet comments are not given out of pity but love. Summer, your heart is so pure. Something that most adults cannot even dream of having or of finding in a friend.
I wish I could ease this week. It’s hard when life just seems to pile on hard stuff all at the same time.
I’ll be praying about your housing situation; which probably is compounded by the awful tragedy nearby. If you moved, would you move from that neighborhood?
I will be praying for your foster son because even the thought of fostering a kid is a big deal, but having the process take such a long time & have turns like that. I know with social workers, sometimes it seems like they don’t have the passion needed to take care of business in the best interest of the kids. That is frustrating.
Many prayers and hugs. Love you.
You are in my prayers honey! BIG BIG BIG HUGS being sent your way! God has a plan for you honey! Never be ashamed of crying! I’d be more worride if you couldnt!
Closure is a good thing. So is finding a place to live where you want your kids to go to school. That’s not a silly thought for you to have so far ahead. Before you know it, we’ll be singing jingle bells again!
things may seem pretty rough right now, but i find that things always seem to work out for the best in the end. for example, i was jobless and miserable for 5 months, praying that every job i applied for i would get. now i’m glad i didn’t get them, because i’m exactly where i want to be right now. just let fate, god, or whatever else you believe in take over and it’ll all be okay!
You have alot going on right now! You are in my prayers! And I absolutely love that quote. It was totally what I needed to hear right now. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
I heard about that poor girl- on the news-soooo sad what happen to her. There are some sick people in this work- He should be locked up for years and years!!
We all have those weeks- just keep your head high- this too shall pass as they say!!
Hang tight, girl.
Have a good weekend!
Kelly
Our blogs can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. We’re here to listen.
They had posters all the way up here in Mission viejo for that girl….very heart breaking, and so close to home for you! God bless her and her family…I could not even fathom what pain they must be going through…
Every single little thing you’re going through right now is just a stepping stone to you being an even better person than you are… you are amazing and will be even more amazing after learning from whats going on, god has you in the position you are on for a reason, and will not drop you on your face! You’re a strong, intelligent woman and EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!
And I absolutely LOVED that lil quote you put in there, and I will be “stealing” it if you don’t mind 🙂 *hugs*
Life is hard. Sometimes it seems no matter how careful you are, you cant account for anyone else around you. I can feel your pain. We had a little girl in town killed by her own sister and boyfriend. I think they referred to is as the “Mortal Combat killing” in the press. Older sister and her boyfriend got the 7 year old drunk and then used mortal combat moves on her. A really good friend of mine was the first on scene. It really rocked the community. The mother had already been under investigation multiple times, in multiple states, yet they slipped through the cracks. It is just something I will never understand. I guess stuff like that just reinforces my overprotectiveness. Sometimes you have no idea who is living in your community.
With the housing market, it seems like there is much more available now than ever before. Plus rates are low.
Hope you figure it all out!
That is one intense week, girl. I can’t even imagine what that murder must be doing to you emotionally. I don’t even know what to say. And I’m right there with you with feeling all out of sorts when things are up in the air. I like things to be figured out – I don’t like for them to be left hanging. But, to have multiple things where there’s no closure – that’s certainly a good excuse for extra sweets if ever there was one. And it’s not like this is just piddly little stuff, either – all of it is so intense. Just know I’m thinking of you and praying for you guys. Wish there was more I could do.
the murder made the news here in Maryland!! It is such a sad sad story!! I just don’t understand the world today!! Hang in there mama!!
High emotions mixed with uncertainty can really make things rough. I am not a fan of uncertainty either. I like to know what is going on and when (with big important things)… just like. Surprises should be saved for gifts, parties, new friends, and other happy, spontaneous moments.
Hang in there and it looks like everyone is thinking about you.
Yeah, I’m all about the closure too. I hope you get closure on your foster child soon… and I hope you and Jimmy can work out the living situation; I know that isn’t an easy decision to make. That is a beautiful prayer to keep with you every day. And I know it will help you through.
Summer, I hope you are feeling a bit better and I can understand your fear with the murderer, that would be scary and my heart goes out to you for that. I had a young woman die at my work and it was very difficult too. I hope you get closure for your foster child as well, hang in there sweetie!
Reading about that poor girl and her family just makes me SICK. Literally sick to my stomach. I believe in God and I have faith that everything happens for a reason, but when things like that happen it really throws me for a loop. I don’t understand and yet I’m constantly trying to understand. It causes me such heartache that I can’t even watch the news because I end up crying and sad at all the hate and ugly things in this world. Sometimes I want to quit blogging because I read all these stories about children with cancer or stillborns or whatever…it just seems so prevalent that it shocks me to the core. Yet, I also can’t look away and always click on the links and even re-post them on my own blog because I need some kind of outlet-I need to know that other people also care so much it hurts-even though it’s usually over someone I’ve never even met.
I love that you write the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s why I read your blog! I just mentioned Chelsea in my latest blog post. It’s affected me too and I don’t know them or live as close as you. Thanks for being so open and true to yourself. It’s what makes you you.
ugh…i am sorry i have been missing all of these posts…taking a break can be tough when folks you’ve come to care for can be going through so much and you miss being there…even though you have tons folks who are…thinking of you always lady and hope it all comes together quickly!!