the difference between a bone and a screw

Okay, so I got my nose pierced um….say, 10 years ago right?
So, here’s a little story about how BRILLIANT I really am.
About a month after I I got it pierced, I decided it was safe to take out the “starter” nose ring.
So, I went to buy a new bling bling one and they offered me something that looked a little like this.
213J4A6zdyL._SL500_AA280_
{it’s called a nose BONE.}
And let me just tell you, that the skies of heaven opened up about to take me home every dang time I had to put one in.
And I’m not even kidding you right now.
NOT EVEN.
Before Jimmy came into my life,
I had to deal with this madness all on my own.
And sometimes it would take HOURS to find the bravery just to yank it out.
And then another few freaking HOURS to shove one back in.
And in those hours there would be cold wet washcloths and anxiety poo,
because it was THAT TRAUMATIC.
Again.
Not even lying one bit.
Later in life,
once Jimmy came around and had the chance to witness the INSANITY that was changing my nose ring,
being a man,
he offered to help.
First,
I made him use a tool to CUT the top part off,
so I wouldn’t have to go through the hell of pulling that retarded knob through a hole it wasn’t intended to fit through.
{that’s what she said.}
So that helped somewhat.
Except that it kinda ruins the chance of ever wearing THAT nose bone again.
But whatever, it worked.
And then came putting in the new one.
Here’s the routine:
First I must find a cold bathroom floor,
because the heat that goes through my body when I’m about to die,
is kind of insane.
And then Jimmy has to kneel beside me,
and while I close my eyes shut and squeeze my hands together….
He attempts to shove it through.
Only the last time, it didn’t go all the way through.
It was midway.
Pergatory, if you will.
And I wanted to KILL him.
Ish.
Back to the cold hard bathroom floor I went,
while finally he found a way to break through to the other side.
But, it doesn’t end there.
Because I am dramatic and all,
(some would say),
I then feel the darkness creep over my eyesight,
and I must lie still before moving or I could just very well pass the eff out.
It’s happened.
Cough, tattoo and losing my boo, cough.
And after the last time,
I was like,
I will DIE with this nose bone because I will NEVER go through that again.
Two weeks later,
the “diamond” fell out.
So Jimmy whipped out his pliers,
and off I headed to the tat shoppe.
Here’s where I display my BRILLANCE….
After asking the piercer for a new bone,
{that’s what she said}
he gave me a funny look and said,
“We don’t carry those in the shoppe, as most people hate them because they hurt so bad.”
And I was all,
“Um, you mean there is something else you can use?”
And he was all,
“Um, yes….we twist the post so that it goes up your nose and stays in. That way it doesn’t hurt at all going in and out.
{that’s what he said?}
BJ-NOSE031-20-Large
{it’s called a nose screw}
And I was all,
“So you mean, those just aren’t for piercing?
Because I had that when I first got pierced TEN years ago, but I thought that was just the starter one, and now I have to now use these.”
And he was all,
“Ya, you’re dumb.”
Not really, but seriously, he thought it.
I thought it!!!
And so he measured my nose,
twisted my nose ring,
and popped that sucker in no problem.
Not wet washcloths.
No cussing.
No passing out.
No near death experience.
A few weeks later I ask around to my other nose pierced sista’s…
and what do you know?
Not a single one thought they HAD to use a nose bone.
And so,
the moral of the story is:
If you have your nose pierced…
and you’re not a fan of pain,
do not,
I repeat…
DO NOT,
use a nose bone.
Because there is a difference between a bone and a screw.
{that’s what she/he said}
The end.
If you’re following along with the 21 days to a better you challenge,
is up!
And don’t forget to link up if you’re doing it too!
It’s never too late to start!
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. i was totally the opposite! i had my nose pierced for years and i loved the bone! hahaa! the screw drove me nuts!!! and i posted your stuff mama! woo hoo! thanks again, much love to you boo!

  2. Oh sweetie cakes(is that too much sweets talk? I apologize!)… I laughed my booty off the whole way through this post.(Which, by the way, let’s talk about my booty real quick. I thought it would be shrinking thanks to my brilliance in giving up sweets and soda all at once…but it seems that I am substituting said sweets and soda with other stuff that’s not so awesome for me. Seriously…I just ate a pancake that’s wrapped around a sausage(dirty?)…flipping delicious and disgusting all at once! AMAZING job, Lacey… just great!)

    I was wondering why you had so much drama every time you needed to change that bad boy… so glad you got that figured out! And to be clear, I think this story made you even cuter… not dumb 🙂 love you.

  3. At least you got a great post out of it! I’m dying laughing.
    (Signed, Former Screwer Who Never Had a Bone)

  4. I used to have my nose pierced and let me just say what a relief it is to know that someone else in the world almost passed out when they changed their nose ring. I always thought I was a crazy person!

  5. I just learn so much over here. I had no idea about this but thank you. I now feel better informed. 🙂

  6. Just curious, do they get all gunked up when you have a runny nose?

  7. you poor thing! funny but oh you poor thing. owie

  8. Holy cow girl, I can’t believe you lived with that pain for 10 years!

  9. OUCH!!

    Hey, some people are slight slow learners. Don’t feel bad. 😉

  10. That is too funny! I mean, I feel very bad for you, but fun to read. Unfotunately, I’m not allowed to have most peircings, and my belly button has closed. But I still hold on to all my old rings just in case I ever go back . . .

  11. Holy CRAP, Summer! This is one of the funniest things of yours I’ve ever READ! All the that’s what she saids and that “pass the eff out.” OMG. You’re hilarious.

  12. lol those look painful!

  13. That was sooo funny. OH man!!!

    Why do you need to change it out anyway? I dont get it.

  14. Ohhhhh dear! I had my nose pierced but my nose kept rejecting the jewelry so that was the end of that!!

  15. I used a nose bone once and never did it again. The screws really are better friends.

  16. And it is experiences like that which caused me to let the holes in my ears close. No more earrings. It’s a sacrifice I bear to hold on to consciousness! LOL

  17. Hehe thats what he said. Love it. I always thought the little tiny diamonds are cute on the nose. Glad you found something less painful!

  18. oh my goodness…sick dude. I will never shove anything up my nose. Nor will I be getting any more cartilage pierced. After ears done twice and having infection once and the stupid things just hurt the second time around, I’m done with piercings.

  19. LOVE the newest challenge. I JUST told myself that this morning that I will NOT get on the computer before naptime (1:00). Of course I did but now I have a challenge. Oh yeah!

  20. i really wanna get my nose pierced but a sooooooo scared & I want a marilyn monroe, but again scared!!

  21. And this is why, for the love of all things insane, I do NOT have my nose pierced. I’m glad you don’t have to wear the bone anymore though.

  22. LOL!!!! i love the title of this post and the complimentary “that’s what he said” you threw into it. You rock.
    This post reminded me SO MUCH of my best friend and her nose ring. I was with her when she had to remove the old to replace with the new one time and I was driving and almost had to pull over b/c I was laughing so hard at her tears of pain and what I thot was exaggerated sounds of pain. Buuuuut, turns out I owe her an apology huh? ha!! whoops.

  23. Just peed my pants a little laughing at this post! Especially the “thats what she said” parts.

    So glad you are out of the nose piercing dark ages. 🙂

  24. YIKES!!! I remember the first time I took my belly button ring out when I had it, I made my roommate do it bc I was scared. I honestly didn’t know there was anything other than the screw kind of nose ring. All of my friends that got theirs pierced in college always had that kind.

  25. Ouuuuch…
    Ive never had a nose piercing and it seems scuuurrry!!!!

  26. OMG Hilarious! But seriously, if you didn’t know, how would you know?!?! It’s not like there’s “nose rings for dummies” books out there… or is there?

  27. Question: How do you get the thing at the bottom of each of your posts that suggests other blogs we may like? That’s a great idea! I get lost clicking on those things.

  28. Totally passing this on to one of my besties. Killer PSA lady!

  29. I’m sorry to laugh at your pain, but this post was so funny! I’m glad you found a less painful way to wear a nose ring. 🙂

  30. That is too funny!!!

  31. LMAO!!! I just got my nose pierced about 5 months ago, and still have the starter in. It’s waaaay to big, but I moved from LA and can’t go back to get it “adjusted”. The guy purposely made it big “so when your nose swells it won’t hurt, but make sure you come back and let me adjust it” – which I didn’t do. So now I have a huge nose screw that slides around in my nose, and looks like a BIG BOOGER. My bf laughs at it, and makes fun of me. I bought a new one, and I can’t get it in!! It hurts too bad and he won’t help me! Maybe I should go somewhere and ask them to help me put a new one in?? Anyways. Thought you’d like that story!! 🙂

  32. I loved my nose screw!! SO much easier!

  33. That sounds painful, but this post was just darn hilarious!

  34. I certainly won’t after this story…sounds a bit painful! Glad you are okay.

  35. oh my GOSH that sounds like such an ordeal!!! that must be a huge weight lifted now, though. ah, the little things in life!