what are you hiding?



You can’t pretend you aren’t.
We all are.
Hiding something, that is.
Even me, who prides herself on being open and honest.
{almost}
Still…there are some things that have always stayed hidden.
Jimmy jokes that it’s one of the things he loves about me.
That he can’t quite figure me out.
I am a woman of mystery.
I have things hidden.
I often wonder what would it take though, for me to show my cards.
To stand up and say, “Here I am! All of me!”
But, the thought terrifies me.
The fear of rejection is what keeps me.
The fear of not being understood.
The fear of being hated, laughed at, made fun of….
abandoned.
So, I keep things hidden.
And yet, I am reminded…
That HE knows. HE sees.
And yet,
HE still loves me.
HE still accepts me.
HE doesn’t laugh or turn away….
HE never leaves.
There is nothing hidden….

…from our Creator.

How comforting that can be.
To be known so intimately.
So honestly.
And to still be loved, so unconditionally.
Despite it all…
And while I get that it’s nothing to do with what I do or don’t do….
My desire is to have nothing I feel I need to hide.
So that if what was kept in the dark was brought to the light….
I would stand proud.
YOU would stand proud…
But most importantly,
HE would stand proud.
I know I’ll never achieve it.
But, I know, I’ll never quit trying.
So, I press on….working on all that is in there.
Molding it, fixing it, changing it…
and hopefully all for the better.
~~~~~~~
What are you hiding?
ยฉ 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. wow summer, that was amazing! and you’re right…He does know everything about us, and still loves and accepts us! its we who have a hard time accepting ourselves!! i hope this year we can all work towards being better so we don’t have to worry about things to hide ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Perfectly said. I agree- even though I am very open and honest, I still believe that we all, myself included, keep some things deep down. You hit it dead on for me: fear of rejection. It’s not that I make a conscious effort to keep a few things to myself, but I just don’t offer to tell them as easily! Great post love XOXO

  3. I’m a recent lurker of your blog, and am stepping out of the shadows to comment on this one.

    You blew me away with this post. You couldn’t be more right, and it is just what I needed to hear!

    Thank you!

  4. loved reading this when I needed it the most. Thank you for being open with us

  5. I think for most of us…it’s a security blanket to keep some things hidden away from others!!!
    It gives us reassurance that our secrets can never be told to another.

    In marriage…in life…it’s unhealthy to do so, because it’s trust we want BUT on our end it’s trust we’re not giving.

  6. summer, you rock. you just totally do. we all have our skeletons, and i love you for opening up about yours. never easy. most people don’t even want to think about it. writing about it helps. and reading your blog helps me. thanks for sharing!!!

  7. Wow Summer that was a really deep and personal post. I felt like that for a long time until one day I decided to open up completely and since then my partner and I have been closer than ever. I always tell him how I’m feeling now and the ins and outs of this that and the other. Of course I think there will always be a part of me that will remain a secret but that’s what keeps our relationship interesting and alive.

    Best wishes
    Kate Collings
    xx

  8. I think we are the same when it comes to what we are hiding. I too fear rejection and betrayal. I also fear loss more than anything.

    Its not that i hide it on purpose…i try to stay uplifting and funny to avoid being the super emo person everyone hates.

  9. how true that we all have things that are stuck in the darkness but that, if brought to the light, He would still stand by our side. ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. I may have a few sneakrets myself, but soon, everything will be revealed!

  11. Girl you hit the nail on the head with this one! Sometimes I think to myself how can HE still love me? I am a total mess. I sometimes yell at my kids out of impatience, nothing that they have done just me being overwhelmed, I know I do it yet I am like some kind of stubborn child throwing a tantrum. I am reading this book called She’s Gonna Blow about moms who have strange Rage. There is my secret but to be honest, it is not really a secret because I do talk about it AND I am changing that about myself. SLowly but surely!!!

    Awesome Post!

  12. Girl you hit the nail on the head with this one! Sometimes I think to myself how can HE still love me? I am a total mess. I sometimes yell at my kids out of impatience, nothing that they have done just me being overwhelmed, I know I do it yet I am like some kind of stubborn child throwing a tantrum. I am reading this book called She’s Gonna Blow about moms who have strange Rage. There is my secret but to be honest, it is not really a secret because I do talk about it AND I am changing that about myself. SLowly but surely!!!

    Awesome Post!

  13. Girl you hit the nail on the head with this one! Sometimes I think to myself how can HE still love me? I am a total mess. I sometimes yell at my kids out of impatience, nothing that they have done just me being overwhelmed, I know I do it yet I am like some kind of stubborn child throwing a tantrum. I am reading this book called She’s Gonna Blow about moms who have strange Rage. There is my secret but to be honest, it is not really a secret because I do talk about it AND I am changing that about myself. SLowly but surely!!!

    Awesome Post!

  14. I found your blog recently and I have enjoyed reading it but this post really spoke to me. You have a way of saying exactly what I’m feeling. So thanks!

  15. Great Post!
    I tend to be an open book half the time, but keep my inner most thoughts to myself….because I am afraid people will think they are crazy! ๐Ÿ™‚
    But, I do know that my honesty and openess is what contributed to my husband falling in love with me, so I try to keep that alive.

  16. Love this post. Its true. I feel that I pride myself on being true as well, but there are some things I don’t share, in a way, I guess that is not being 100% true, but then again I think of it as not that way. We all got secrets, just not from our Creator ๐Ÿ™‚ whose the most important anyways.

    Good post, girlfriend.

  17. I love watching your faith grow deeper and deeper.

  18. I definitely have things that I shield from the world… I wish I didn’t. I wish I knew how to be brave and let it out. But fear and worry overtake me. I work on these daily… it’s a tough thing. Great post!

  19. I love the “new you” in 2010!
    I am the worst with talking about my feelings. My poor hubs is so patient with me.
    I am so grateful that God knows all about me without having to say anything…because I just wouldn’t!

  20. my secret is that I love God. I believe in Jesus Christ and all He means. I am all about being the Christian. But deep deep down I am terrified I will die and God will reject me. It’s a lie. Scripture says its a lie, but I still fear being rejected by the Ultimate rejection.

  21. I have lots, but I’m not telling you people. ๐Ÿ™‚

  22. Summer,
    I LOVE this post. I fear a lot of the same things!

    Thank you for speaking to my heart.

    Love you.

  23. So true. I think we all hide things because we are comfortable with how we feel about things, but dont want others to make us feel less comfortable about them. It is something that sets us apart. I dont always tell hubs everything, sometimes to protect him, sometimes just because it wont make a difference. Great post!

  24. It’s tough or me to be truly honest about what my dreams are because I’ve done that in the past and felt like a failure when things fell through.

  25. SNAP! Great Truth, Summer. Thanks for sharing and being all things to all (wo)men…

  26. Now if I told you, I wouldn’t be hiding it, would I? ๐Ÿ™‚

    I often forget that He sees all, knows all, yet loves all. It is incredible, but so comforting.

    Thanks for another great post, Summer!

  27. I think of myself as showing it all, but everyone says I am quiet and they don’t know what I’m thinking. Then my family says I won’t shut up…maybe it depends on the time of the month whether I hold it in or tell all. I do love that the Lord knows me through and through and I don’t need to bother hiding because He already knows and He made me exactly this way!

  28. Hiding something? Why, what did someone tell you? LOL!

    Great post!

  29. this is perfect!! summer so beautifully said…and the absolute truth…

  30. My favorite verse is at the top of my blog–Psalm 139:1…”Oh Lord, You have searched me and You know me…”

    He knows me. The real me. The parts of me I keep hidden…but which He sees clearly. This is my identity.

    And this post was beautiful, Summer.
    p.s. Please come to Arizona in May. Ahem.

  31. Yes. Please do come to Arizona in May. This is such an uplifting blog post. He is so faithful in his unconditional love. No matter what. Knowing that saves me every. single. day.

  32. What a wonderful post – it touched me!

  33. how beautifully well written. I really really love this post. xox

  34. Okay…so I’m a newbie to your blog. I {adore} it and you! This post was a.maz.ing! You are so right! Thanks for making my night!