I have a hard time letting go of people…
friends especially.
I just feel that once I’ve loved and shared my heart,
it must always stay that way.
No matter what.
I especially seem to cling to those that have a history in my story.
Those who have gone through something (or many somethings) with me.
Even if, looking back, most of it wasn’t all that healthy to begin with.
And even if they fall away from me in life for a time,
I still somehow, love.
And maybe even, I still somehow,
hope.
I used to think it was good.
It was the way of being a true friend.
It was the only way to love.
I was what’s her name on the Titanic…gasping….
“I’ll never….let….go…..”
{laugh through the pain}
Over time, I’m finding that this kind of “hoarding” if you will,
may not be so healthy after all.
Because sometimes there are people that just need to be “let go.”
Just recently, when I finally allowed this truth to penetrate my heart,
I immediately felt burning tears slide down my cheeks.
My heart ached.
On the other hand,
holding on to these people
seemed to be hurting me even more.
My heart ached in a whole different way.
I know this will be a process for me.
It’s never been easy for me to walk away.
But then again, I am not who I used to be.
I have more self confidence.
I believe in myself.
Moving here was one of the best things I could have ever done.
Getting right with God,
choosing better friends,
marrying Jimmy….
having all these incredible people in my life was all I needed to see.
That I deserved more.
That I was WORTHY of more.
I can’t allow myself to be held to the past.
To be a part of something that doesn’t make me feel good when I walk away.
And so I know it’s right to say goodbye.
I’ll work through this hurt.
I’ll hold no hard feelings.
There will be no anger.
I will not allow any bitterness to creep in.
It’s just that, it’s time.
It’s time to fall forward.
Towards the people who help to make me a better person.
“I took a deep breath.
And let it go.”
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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I think that a lot of people aren’t meant to be in your life forever-maybe you touched them in some way, maybe they are better because of you now and you don’t even know it and that doesn’t mean that you need to be “friends” anymore, and it’s good to move on and invest in the right people for you, now. Letting go, letting go of bitterness and a mean girls mentality can be super hard and painful, but they are in the past for a reason and now you’re open to new relationships. I hope you find/have only the best!
Summer I do not know what has happened in your past and I do not wish for you to tell me as it sounds like a very personal journy you have been on.
But please believe me when I say that you are not alone in these new feelings of ‘its time to let go’.
From reading your post I have taken this to mean several things to me. I wasnt always such a grounded person and I have had to learn to let go of such negative thoughts and reactions etc.
It’s hard to explain without divulging too much. I guess I just wanted you to know that I am here for you and hope that you can class me as one of your new friends.
Take care
Love and best wishes
Kate Collings
xx
This is a very important step indeed my dear Summer! A difficult, but important step. I had to take it myself a few years ago and after trying once to rekindle this friendship, I decided it is old, like the old me and has no place in my life now.
I wish you luck and much happiness with the new!
Come over for a story today, if you’d like!
God bless!
SUPER hard to do. I’ve had to let go of “toxic” friends. Friends I forced myself upon for too long. Friends that wouldn’t extend the same courtesy to me that I would extend to them. Someone who I have known for 10 years and had been through a LOT with. Hard, but once you do it, you feel better about yourself.
You can do it! Be strong, you’ll love yourself more in the future for doing what had to be done.
I’m not yet at the point that I can cut ties with some of the “friends” that I need to, but slowly I’m coming around. You’re my motivation.
BTW…great post. Very encouraging.
I relate to your feelings quite often. It is so hard to let go and move on even though you know you should. I’m curious as to the back story to all of this. But I realize it is only my business if you share it here.
🙂
It IS hard to let go of people!
It hurts when I have to do it as well, but eventually the pain subsides and the feeling of being lighter is worth it.
What I always have a problem with is deciding when to let them go. How much do I let them hurt me before I move on? For how long to I hold on to the pain of the lost friendship? I’m working on it though.
Wow, yet another AWESOME post from you that hit home with me!!! I have been hoarding a lot of lost friendships and loves over the years and there are days when it hits me really hard….and I cry and feel sick inside….maybe its time for a cleansing!
I am going through this very thing RIGHT now.
Oh I feel you with this post. I was that way too. I remember freshman year of college clinging so tightly to all of my high school friends (even if they were on completely different paths than I) that they almost suffocated. It’s not healthy. You need to surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, support you, encourage you. And those who do the opposite, you do need to let go. I did this a couple years ago, and it was really, really hard. There was no big scene or dramatic goodbye, I just simply let go. And, I was happier. There was less stress and drama in my life.
Sending you hugs!
I so desperately need to make changes in my life like this… I mean BIG changes…
It’s hard to let people go – but sometimes it’s for the best! *Hugs*
I have just recently had to deal with this as well. I try to hold on to my friends because that’s what I thought good friends do. But after they drag you through the mud so many times, it is time to let go. It’s sad, but in the end you will be happier.
mmm…lady…well said…not so easy to do i know…i am the same way…if i carve a place for you in this heart of mine…well it’s carved just for you and i don’t want to see you leave it…but if i have to let you go or you leave it, well it leaves an imprint…but we can only hope that when this happens over time it’s able to mend and we come out a better and stronger person…heart you lady!!
sometimes when we grow up, we just grow out of friendships/relationships. it’s not a bad thing- it just becomes time to say goodbye, as you said. you did the right thing
Summer- You struck a something in my heart that I honestly did not know existed. When reading your truth, I swear to you that something in me was yelling “that’s me! that’s me!” Until recently, I’ve never really thought of friendship any other way than once someone is a friend and has shared experiences with you, they must be forever. I never realized it was okay to step to the side and move forward, without them. I have wanted to vocalize my feelings about this for a while to my friend, but I thought she would think I was insane since I’ve never really heard of a friendship ‘breakup.’ But alas, that is why I love the blogging world, because of incredible people like you who make me realize it is okay to open my heart; it’s okay to be honest; and mostly, it’s okay to be me. Thank you for this post- your strength and courage has helped me in so many ways! Sorry for the longest comment ever! xoxo
Good for you, Summer. Letting go IS harder than it might seem. I’m so glad that you’ve made all of these choices that have made you a better, more confident you.
You have so much to offer and I love picking up the tidbits you leave for us.
I also was inspired by your post…
I too am going through the same thing right now, and it HURTS, bad!
But I know when this pain is finally over with, I will feel so much better…..
Over the years I’ve learned this hard truth – sometimes you need to let go of old friends and meet new ones. I’ve held on to childhood friends and I’d moved away and things had changed, but in my head I pretended they were the same as always and I’d get disappointed at things, when really, our friendship had changed and she will always be my childhood friend but perhaps not my ‘adult’ friend. Whatever, that sounded stupid.
And there was a time where I was holding on to all these old friendships and not allowing myself to make new friends because of it (subconsciously of course).
Good for you.
Oh Summer, what a hard decision. I’m thinking of doing the same thing because it’s just better for ME. But it isn’t easy, is it? : )
Oh Summer, what a hard decision. I’m thinking of doing the same thing because it’s just better for ME. But it isn’t easy, is it? : )
I definitely relate in my own little way. I have a childhood friend who makes all the wrong decisions, surrounds herself with all the wrong people, etc. Her life is just…everything i would never ever allow mine to become. She never calls on my birthday or to see how I’m doing or to say she misses me or is thinking of me. She’s not really a friend at all. Yet, if the phone rings and it’s her(I know she’s calling b/c she needs something of me) and as much as it hurts my heart, I answer. I help. I’m there. Ehh, what can you do?
I relate… I think we all can. letting go is really hard.
sounds like you did the right thing! i think it is important to be a good and supportive friend, but if/when a relationship is unfair/unrewarding/and/or destructive, ABORT THE MISSION! sometimes i am quick to let friends go, as who needs the clunker friends. bleh!
I’m going through a little bit of this myself. Feels good to know I’m not alone. xo
I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes it is better to let someone walk out of your life even though at the time it is KILLING you to see them go.
Just remember: if the relationship is causing you more harm than good then it’s time to reevaluate. And it may hurt now but one day you’ll look back and know you did the right thing.
Good luck hon.
I think we all go thru this – just take one day at a time.
It’s hard when you give and give but you never get back- I ‘ve had a few friendship like this-
very onesided (if that even a word). LOL
Take care-
Kel
Thank you so much for sharing.
Letting people go is like a gigantic ‘ouch’ on our hearts.
God is amazing, as He provides other people to fill that void left by those past.
And then, you see how all those new relationships have ultimately helped you heal and accept.
God will bring you those people. Just wait and see.
{hugs} for this difficult time.
need help cutting people out of your life…i’m a pro! i don’t have a hard time at all…unless i truly cared for that person. but even so, i will cut them off with the quickness ESPECIALLY if they are hurting or lying to me in anyway.
you did the right thing hun. don’t feel bad.
You seem to be doing a lot of healing lately! And you are doing a great job!!
Stick with it, you’ll get there!!
I have a hard time “letting go” as well but sometimes it’s just the best thing for that particular situation.
I hope you have a great weekend!
i’m hugging you right now!! yup! you feel that squeeze? that’s me giving you a big hug and telling you that i absolutely adore you….i love how you wrote this…i can relate in so many ways…sometimes its hard to put our feelings first when we care so much about the feelings of others. but in some situations you just have to! miss you lady! its been like 2 days!! ha! 🙂 love!
So powerful, and so true… I’ve been thinking a lot about how friendships are like marriages, where you both change and grow (or maybe only one of you changes and grows) and then you’re stuck with two entirely different people then those who started out together. You have to reassess and decide if these new people still love each other; if it’s still worth it to go through this world together. Sometimes it is, and you just have to work hard to get to know these new versions; sometimes it isn’t and you have to go through the pain that is removing that piece of your heart; and sometimes it was never worth it… Sometimes you never should have held on in the first place.
I’m sorry you lost a friend. It sucks balls when that happens.
oh summer, to have the wisdom that you have at the age that you are… you’re lucky. there are two people in my life (probably more) that i have to “set free” and the problem is, they live in my neighborhood. and when i was younger, i would just create such a fuss, and burn the bridge so brightly, that there was no other choice… i did this because i didn’t know how to let go or to distance myself in any other way that to just blow it all up. and i don’t really know how to let go now, either, but i do know there is no need for the anger or bitterness. so i’m kind of lost and confused. this post reaffirmed for me that my decision is the right one… now to just figure out how to implement it.
aaiy-ay-ay. this is MAJOR. i’m so impressed and inspired by how you’re working through this. i can so relate, in fact it’s been a huge piece in my “emotional recovery”, if you will. i have come to believe that i’m a completely different person than i was when i first met some of my friends. i’m always evolving, and i actually *like* that about myself now. so i can’t expect that the same people that fit in my life so well many many years ago will fit so well anymore. it’s SO SAD! but it’s so so true. you’re right, working though the hurt (instead of avoiding it, as i tried to do for so so long), and holding no hard feelings (hell-o resentments!) is such a growing point. way to work it grrrl!!! sending all my love for a swiftly mended heart!
love,
marit
AWESOME, Summer. That takes some guts. You told us there’d be changes in your writing, and I’m loving it. So honest and brave – seriously. I’ve had some people like that in my life – the ones you’re speaking of – and yes, it is so hard, but you do come to realize that you feel healthier having let them go.
I’m the same way..I hold on to people and to relationships for much too long. If you figure out a process for letting go and moving on…let me know. I can use all the help I can get!
Good for you….love the falling forward.
People come in & out of our lives daily!!! There is a reason for everything…never second guess your judgement, because it’s usually right. We must do what’s best for us 🙂