I’m sensitive.
A cross to bear. A blessing and curse in one.
When someone I love is hurting…I hurt. My eyes will tear, my heart will ache. I will be in that pain with them.
I am always considering other peoples feelings…some would say to a fault.
I can pick up on things unspoken…and can know a need before it’s been told.
In that sense, it’s a blessing. It connects me. It bonds me.
And yet, it manages create the opposite effect as well.
It’s keeps me seperate.
It keeps me apart.
Disconnected.
Because I’m sensitive.
My feelings get hurt.
I read into actions. Words. Lack of words.
I question myself, did I do enough? Be enough? Care enough?
I wonder, do they love me, do they care, what do they think?
I feel deeply. I think deeply. I love deeply.
And it sometimes causes me to hurt deeply.
It’s called being sensitive.
It’s the way God made me, I didn’t choose this.
I remember being this way as far back as I can remember.
I guess some things will never change.
I used to ask God to fix it. To fix me. My heart.
I thought it was broken. I thought I was broken.
I wanted to be tougher. I wanted to be more closed.
More like her, or him, or you.
Or even just to be more….safe.
It’s not exactly safe being sensitive.
But, recently He reminded me:
“You were born my original. Try not to become someone else’s copy.”
{taken from The Measure of our Success}
“I will not ask you why you were not Moses. I will ask you why you were not Summer.”
{original quote by Rabbi Susya, paraphrased by moi}
So I’ve been meditating on that, and praying.
And while acceptance is still a grasp away, I understand.
This is my cross to bear.
It’s my blessing and a curse.
It is mine. God has trusted me with all that I am.
So…in the words of Jewel…
I’m sensitive.
And I’d like to stay that way.
~~~~~~~
What’s your cross? Do you bear it proudly?
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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It is great to know that I am not crazy for being overly sensitive! I love reading your blog because it is wonderful to know I am not the only one thinking some of these things. He he
Oh. This speaks to me. Took the words out of my mouth. I love this post. absolutely love this post.
I’m a sensitive one as well. Some days I love it & some days it haunts me. I love this post, my lady… love it. I think I needed it.
Oh wow. Me too lady. I am SO sensitive…I take things too personally. It can be a blessing but such a curse. We are deep feelers (is that word?) but it can backfire.
love this post a lot a lot.
This was a beautiful post!
I am the same way in that I am very in tune to other people’s emotions and what they are thinking and feeling. It can be so hard at times when I question what I did wrong or what others are thinking of me.
i’d have to agree – i’m pretty sensitive myself. but that’s okay. i’m good with it. i’d rather be too sensitive than cold and harsh, ya know!
curiuos to know, you mention God a lot and then also “meditate”, what religion or “followship” are you apart of?
We are a lot alike, my lady. I carry the burdens of others. I am so sensitive. Its hard for people to understand unless they’re in those shoes as well. I know.
This is an amazing post… I wear my heart on my sleeve. I also love deeply and that often causes me to hurt deeply too..
Thank you for writing this…
I am also very sensitive. Reading your post I felt as though it was something that I could have posted myself! You’re absolutely right…. it can be both a blessing and a curse. I truly don’t think there are enough sensitive people in the world, but we also get hurt very easily which is hard to deal with at times. I wasn’t always this way though – I became more sensitive after I had my son at 22 and started to mature. So I don’t think I would change it 😉 Sensitivity is a good thing no matter what anyone else says!
Wonderful Summer…I’m so glad God is speaking to you in that way, we are always to be our authentic, unique selves. It took me a long time to get to the point where I am happy with who God made me to be. I’m so glad you’re there too! We wouldn’t have you any other way my dear!
God bless!
oh lady….truly a blessing!! that’s how i feel!! just think of all the people you are able to support and care for because of your amazing ability to empathize and pick up on their emotions….truly a blessing love!!! i miss you!
I hope you do stay that way!
I totally understand, because I’m a super sensitive girl myself. I sometimes feel like those around me need to shelter me from the harshness of the world because I just can’t take it. I once saw a cat get run over and no one stopped. So I pulled over and tried to go to this cat to help it, but it was dying. I started bawling and had to call my dad to do something (and I’m a 24 year old adult). I ended up calling the city to come take the cat so it wouldn’t suffer any longer. I thought about that for DAYS…I would literally just start crying. I can’t watch certain movies (like Bambi and the Lion King-jeez why do kids movies have to be so darn emotional?), I avoid the news because it depresses me…so I get how it can be a curse, but I bet your friends and family love that you care as much as you do because it’s better to have someone that cares maybe a little too much about things, then someone cold and closed off.
Sorry about the novel, I just really connected to what you wrote!
I would have to agree 100% that I think your sensitivity is a good thing. I think a lot of things can be both positive and negative. Your sensitivity is an amazing quality, yet it can bring you a lot of hurt as well. I love hearing what you’re pondering. You have such thoughtful thoughts. 🙂
I’m sensitive as well and a worrier, I always want to make sure that people are okay. I prefer that my boyfriend check in with me, his work can be dangerous and I worry about him. But the worry can bring with it a little anxiety sometimes as well and I’m trying to work on that!
Wow as I was reading that I felt like it was written about me! I am the same way Summer and I sometimes think it is a bit of a curse as well as a blessing!
Thanks for putting it into perspective! 😀
Oooh that’s my GIRL!!!
I. LOVE. this post! Love it!
I definitely think that is something to be proud of. My cross is my propensity to hold grudges. And I’m not proud of that one.
i read that post the other day but couldn’t comment…ya know blogging at work can be a pain sometimes…anyway….
just wanted to say that we’re sort of playing in the same team. and i don’t think it’s a bad thing to be sensitive like you are.
there was a time in my life when i built a nice thick wall inside so i wouldn’t feel any pain. it worked. execpt i didn’t feel anything anymore. it sucked! embracing it is the way to go, lady!
i think if you weren’t sensitive as you are then you wouldn’t love like you do. deeply, generously, motherly.
well…that’s how i see things…
I’m always reading too much into things and thinking I’ve done something to upset someone. But you are right, it can certainly be a good thing. God made us this way for a reason and He doesn’t make mistakes!
Found you through Mama Kat. I love this post and really relate to it. That song makes me cry every. single. time.
That? Was beautiful. I’m sensitive too…the tuning in thing is something I wish I could turn off like the radio, or at least switch stations so I’m not setting myself up.
I can’t even tell you close to the heart this post is for me.
All I heard as a child, (seemed like it anyway), was how I was too overly sensitive. I did and still carry around the feeling that there is something wrong with me. I’ve been carrying this baggage for a LOOONNGG time. yes…you can see I could go on…
I thank you for this post.
Great post! I have always been more sensitive too… until I worked as a foster care worker for DCFS.. that will make you pretty hard pretty quickly. But luckily I didn’t have to work there long and was able to get back to my cry baby ways 🙂