Um, ya right. Or….SIKE! Or was it psyche?
Either way….I was so not that mature!
{I did know how to work the camera though…And this was BEFORE Tyra!}
Okay, so one of the options of Writers Workshop today was to share a diary entry from when you were 13…
Excitedly I pulled them out from my diary chest, and took some time reading through the year of being 13.
And….OH. MY. WORD.
Seriously???
Shoot me if I ever have to be 13 again!!!
{Or shoot me if I ever match my red shirt to my red glasses again!}
The freaking drama, hormones, emotions, and woah holy mean girls! At one point, I wrote…”I think I’m going to go on a diet, because that must be why nobody likes me….I’m just too ugly and fat.”
{I have to admit though, I did have style…}
Practically every other page was about who was going out with who, who broke up with who, and who was going to ask who out.
I also seemed to keep track of who I kinda liked, who I really liked, and who I really loved unconditionally. {Um, yes, I really wrote that!} And trust me, there was a boys name for each of those categories. And the boys names changed weekly. I think I crushed (or was ‘sprung’ as was the term back then) on every boy in my school by the time I turned 14.
Examples:
I *heart* Todd? {And yes, I did put a question mark.}
I *heart* Rick 4-ever! {Still trying to remember who Rick was….}
Summer + Matt = True Love…. {That one lasted a month.}
You get the idea.
On the pages I wasn’t writing about boys and ‘going out,’ I was word for word writing out the things the mean girls at school would say to me.
But throughout the whole year of my 13’s….there was this one entry that kept haunting me….mostly because I kept thinking how my heart would break if I ever knew my own kids were to be feeling that way one day.
*******
Well, I’m very depressed.
I wish someone in my family would tell me that I’m special and name some good qualities about me so I feel like I’m an okay person.
I know there has to be some good in me. I’m not an all bad person. Just because I’m not Malia, I’m not special. Malia does everything perfect and I don’t work as hard as her, and I’m not as pretty as her, and I’m not as popular as her, and I could go on and on.
I feel so worthless. I know God loves me, and thinks I’m special, so why can’t I understand that and be happy?
I just don’t feel like I fit in. I’m not funny or as fun to be with as Malia and Heather are. I’m just plain old boring Summer.
It seems like nobody cares. I mean what the heck is wrong with me?
Why can’t my family love me and show it? Why can’t they make me feel special and show me that I have some important talents.
Am I really that bad a person that my family doesn’t want me around? They always tell me to live with my dad, but when I think about it my mom tries to talk me out of it.
I wish God would just take me to heaven so I can be with someone who loves me.
I don’t think anyone will ever really love me for who I am.
I’m so tired of trying to be someone I’m not just so people will accept me.
Deep down I know I’m special, so why can’t my heart catch on?
*******
Depressing much?
To be fair though….my mom was waiting on the divorce from my dad to be final any day around the time I wrote that, so there was a lot of drama and emotions going round a house full of girls.
I had also just recently started my very first period. Good to know, right?
Annnnd, and this may come as a surprise to most, at that age….I tended to the more “dramatic” side of things.
Only at that age though….um, certainly not now. I am most certainly NOT dramatic now.
Ahem.
I guess that’s the good thing about keeping my journals. I will never forget what it’s like to be at any age. I will always be able to go back and learn from my past. And hopefully all that pain and confusion I felt will better serve me as a parent to my own kids….
And to end this ever so uplifting blog post (what did you expect from a 13 year olds diary?) I think what we can learn here is:
- Being 13 is not fun.
- As parents be sure to always, always, always….no matter what, make your child know they are loved, that they are special, and never ever let them forget what makes them that way.
- Read your 13 year olds diary. Daily.
Whew, that’s enough serious for this week.
Thank goodness tomorrow’s Fashion Friday…
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Oh the drama…
I think my 13 year old diary has some of those “Lacey hearts Todd?”‘s as well. So funny. DO I heart Todd? DO I? Seriously…13 is funny!
& eessh, that diary entry is sad 🙁
P.S. I love you and think you’re special, lady!(thought you could use it today!)
Awww…Summer!! :o(
Isn’t it fun though to look back at the pictures. Yes, I have a few of those also…lol! Good times..blah! Although, I do miss them. Probably because I never wrote in a diary so I can’t remember what was so horrible. Only what I remember…which isn’t much. Ha!
I too worry about my daughter being depressed and feeling like that. Ironic cause I was just worrying about this today. However, my husband and I ALWAYS tell our daughter how special, smart and pretty she is. I hope it helps her. Plus, I plan on keeping God in her life. I hope that helps too!!!
Oh my goodness. I laughed and laughed and laughed about the posing : ) and the red glasses and the diet (WHAT THE HECK!) and then I was so sad that you were depressed. I am glad to know that you possibly were airing on the dramatic side : ) you poor thing! “Take me to heaven.” Can you even believe you wrote that?
I’m just happy I’m old enough not to remember being 13 anymore!
Awww! I want to give your 13 year old self a hug! I am so glad I never have to go back to being 13….!
yep…it’s pretty tough to be a teenager…
you already had your way with words!
xxx
What a fun yet embarrassing writing task. I love it. I decided to look through my old diaries and they made me *cringe*. Must teach my youngling to keep a diary – they are invaluable.
xx
I wasn’t smart enough to keep a diary when I was 13. I have tons of handsomely hand decorated journals with special pens and locks and warnings to my idiotic baby brother to keep out or else. Only, all of them have at most one entry followed by pages of yellowed, formerly beautiful paper. Guess I have a habit of starting things I can’t finish. Guess this explains the baby books, scrapbooks, and other random crafts lying haphazardly around my basement!
Oh, and, you are special and I love you.
I think this prompt was a good one and I wish I would have dug out my journal to participate instead of choosing a different prompt. I remember my cousins having hair and outfits like that and me thinking they were so cool….lol
Wow, you’re right, that was intense. I’m sure it was a tough time with all that was going on. Thanks for sharing, and it’s true, as a mom we want to think of those moments and make sure our own kids don’t have them!
I also chose the 13 year old diary prompt from MamaKat today. And I was shocked by some of the things in it. Like you said, most of it was boring (and all about my current crush) but I couldn’t help think of my OWN daughter who is turning 13 next month. Holy Cow! Is this what’s going on in her head, too???
amazing post. wish i had kept a diary, but never thought about it. i danced and sang away my thoughts to madonna and pearl jam. i had some close friends and talking to them was like writing in a journal for me. it would be nice to have something to go back to, but everything dramatic about being 13 is still in my head, very vivid, like it was yesterday. that’s the trouble with having a great memory. take care.
Summer, I wish I had verbalized more to you of how I loved YOU, for being just YOU. You were and still are an incredible person. You have always been such a loving person and I was able to see that so much when I saw you and my dad together.
Love and Hugs
Rochelle
After reading this, I felt sad for the girl who felt so unloved. Grownups get lost in their own troubles, and sometimes think that the kids aren’t being affected by the drama that is going on in the house.
Consider that 13-year old self hugged.
aww your diary entry made me sad and also made me remember feeling very much the same way when I was that age. I think most people have a tough time at that age. It’s a good reminder especially for when you have kids to help them through that period. Great post!
Wow, Summer…
I loved seeing the 13 year old pics of you, but I loved reading your thoughts even more.
I hate that, at 13, you thought of yourself as “plain old boring Summer.” Those are 3 words I’d NEVER use to describe you. Ever. Because you are gorgeous and talented and intelligent. There’s 3 words for ya.
xoxo
Those pictures are great! That entry makes me so sad for you little lady. I remember being there and feeling that same way. its certainly not easy.
Love you!
Oh my gosh I just want to hug you!
You so had style though and I swear I had those same glasses in blue. Nice.
You’re brave. I don’t even want to search for my 13 year-old diary…too much nonsense up in there! And, like you, I was totally “sprung” on all the guys in my school too. What a floozy 😉
I vote that you post a “Then and Now” Friday Fashion entry. Challenge all your readers to do it, too!
I totally wish I would have kept a journal when I was that age! Honestly, mine prob would have been about the same thing as yours! Love those pictures as well- you have some awesome hair love!!! XOXO
Being 13 is very traumatic for most girls.
It sure as hell was for me.
And comparing yourself to other girls and your sisters makes everything so much worse, but at 13 we really couldn’t help it.
*I think I had that same flowery dress when I was 13 too!
oh those glasses. so beautiful.
and lady, what a depressing entry in your journal! i am so sorry you were going through that.
i know how ya feel though! being a girl at 13 is sooo hard. at least at the time it is.
thank goodness for the better days of lives right?
This sounds exactly like my diary. I think it is good that this post haunts you a bit. It will make you remember!
Fun post! Heck yeah you had style woman! Look at those tights!!! Cute!! Oh drama of raging hormones and PMS that your just learning to deal with!! Oh I would never go back!!!
I can remember how bad 13 was without a journal. I’m almost glad I didn’t keep one. I have plenty of bad photos though. My hair wasn’t curly, but I certainly rocked the glasses at that age.
Dear Summer,
Thank you for sharing this part of your past. I would hesitate to say it was comforting to know you had feelings like I did back at that age because we both felt inadequate about ourselves which is a pity. Having grown up I know all girls go through those feelings because girls don’t get an easy start at adolescence to say the least, but we all turn out amazingly okay somehow.
I just wanted to thank you for what you did for me and you probably didn’t know it. I remember you and Laura back in Middle School and Junior High and the fact you both befriended a fat, depressed, hurt, smile-on-the-outside, anti-stylish girl really changed my judgmental view of people at an early age. You gave me make-up tips because I never wore any and Laura told me about hairstyles. Popularity is overrated in school and can be a blessing and a curse. It is funny when I think back on my friends and half of them I wouldn’t have imagined ever being friends with at 13 because I wasn’t cool enough or didn’t have enough money to be like them. Then sometimes being anti-popular makes you popular and acting out as I did made people remember me. I still have people reminding me wearing a tutu to school and neon polyester bell-bottoms with pink hair in High School and thinking how punk I was. I would never be so bold now, LOL!
Hope you don’t mind my little bit of nostalgia. I guess it’s contagious these days.
Lanie
Fun Post. Im new. Loving the blog. 🙂
hey girl, that was awesome, in a sad and depressing way. thanks for sharing! i totally felt that way when i was that age! if my journals weren’t in storage i’d go back and look (but i’m secretly happy that i can’t because i’d be totally scared!) preteen and a looming divorce in a big family – been there. loved and liked too many boys – that’s me. and oh mama, those mean girls, how’d they get so MEAN??? and what ever made me feel like i had to get their approval anyway…?
love you! love the post. you’re amazingly awesome, the most wonderful writer, a true fashionista!!!
~mb
Oh man, teen years are so rough! These pictures are classic though 🙂
Aww, Hugs.
I’m sure somewhere around my shed I’ve got some old diaries, and they would probably sound a lot like that…
I’m just not brave enough to dig them out or read them.
The pictures are great Summer, a nice add-on to the diary entries. Very sad…it’s so great that you have kept all of your diaries though, I have no doubt that your children will benefit from the wisdom they give you.
God bless dear!
I remember I kept a mental list of the boys I liked (all at the same time) and would constantly change the order.
Visiting from Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.
Oh my goodness! Well I think you’re special…and I had a VERY similar entry about how much prettier my sister is too. We could have SO found solace in one another!
I’m sure my diary would read very similarly, *sigh*… I am so glad I’ve acquired some self-confidence and love since then… not to say I don’t have bad days (ugh, like yesterday)… but it’s not quite as end-of-the-world, you know??
And I rocked the perm just like yours!!
xoxo J
OMG! Love. That is amazing. I wish I had the presence of mind to keep a journal…it would have been the hottest of messes.
Look at you, always SASSY!
Ohmigosh this most post is HAUNTING. I’m really glad you’re not 13 anymore. And that you finally got over Matt and found your REAL true love, haha. 😉
You nailed it. Shoot me if I ever have to be 13, again!
OMG, I SO have my old journals. I need to check them out. And I’m so sorry you had such a rough time.
Oh, Summer. That is so sad! So glad 13 doesn’t last forever.
Don’t you wish you still had those leggings, though? You could’ve save the $4.80 at Forever 21. 🙂
I don’t remember being 13, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love this post! First of all, the pics were great. I’m inspired to go dig up some of my goofy pics just for fun. Anyway, getting back to the post…I really enjoyed it. It was very eye-opening. I have a 12 year old daughter who is absolutely GORGEOUS, but for some reason still feels like she’s just not pretty enough. If there’s one thing I learned from my childhood, it’s that affirming your love for your child speaks volumes. Nevertheless, despite the fact that I shower her with affirmations, love, you name it…she still feels awkward, not pretty enough. I think it’s just growing pains. One thing’s for sure, she means the world to me and there’s no way I’m going to let her go through this life without telling her. Thanks again for sharing your story.
wow. that was like reading my own diary. i said awful stuff like that about myself, too. i’m so sad you felt like that, even more sad because i know how dark and lonely that place is. i’m very proud of you because i can tell you are happy now! and that makes me happy 🙂