There’s nothing like a good parenting story to really make you feel like crap.
Well, that was a light and fluffy opening statement, wasn’t it?
Okay, so I don’t really feel like crap. And yes, I know I’m a good parent. My kids are alive, healthy, they brush their teeth at least once a day, and I even give them blueberries and naps.
I also leave my child crying at Vacation Bible School because I selfishly need the 3.5 hours of freedom, and there is no way tears are going to stop me from high tailing it out of there without said crying child. Plus, he was in a church, with God. He was going to be fine. God be with him, and off I went.
That’s beside the point.
Anyway, so I’m feeling like I’ve been parenting more to get through the day. Some may call it: Immediate Parenting. You know like, cartoons in the morning, spankings or time out when naughty, breakfast, lunch and even sometimes dinner when I’m feeling super generous.
But what I feel like I should be doing more of could be called…Intentional Parenting.
I’m not exactly sure what that looks like, but when I hear stories, I think….ya! That’s it.
Some may think of it in terms of traditions. Like, Wii Friday’s that my friend Bethany does. Or, eating dinner together and talking about the good and bads. Or, even in discipline, where the punishment fits the crime and it’s more of a lesson than a punishment. (Read Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel.)
Or or or….The Duggars! Now there is a family with some Intentional Parenting going on. I read in their book that they choose a character trait or something along those lines, and then focus on that throughout the month in games and other activities! Have you seen those kids? Have you admired how well they are turning out? I’m sure they don’t have videos of their kids throwing tantrums on You Tube.
So ya, stuff like that.
I don’t have much to go on myself, being that the best tradition I remember from growing up was getting a blank check from my mom on Friday’s so that while she went out with my step-dad, we could order ourselves pizza from Pizza Time. Oh how I loved me some pizza from Pizza Time.
So, I need ideas. Inspiration.
You can leave them in the comments here or join in the chick chat on Blog Frog.
And thanks….for saving my children’s childhood.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Why do you always have to make me THINK? This is an excellent topic, and I totally hear ya on the “Immediate” parenting. I’m there. Most of the time. I think I need to try harder…
As I sit in front of this screen, my kids are in front of one with game controllers in their hands…and it’s not lunch time yet…
BUT I do NOT feel guilty. I do not try to be a type of parent that I am not. I am involved. They know I love them. Hang in there!
Ya’ know- I don’t think it’s about the planned activities so much. When you look back on your childhood, what do you remember most with fondness? That’s what you should try to do with your kids.
Don’t be so hard on yourself though. You’re in a tough parenting spot right now, but it will turn around. Like I said before- 6 months cycles. Soon you will be raving about how wonderful your children are and what a fabulous parent you have been to them. And you will be able to look at the parents with bad kids and scoff ’cause you are doing it all right.
We have a bed time routine. It’s such a drag for me but the kids love it. It involves family scripture study (nothing too long, over 10 minutes and we’ve lost them) and a song and prayer. And then they want me to go into their rooms and sing. We have three set songs. They love them. And then I pray with each of them individually, and give them hugs etc. It sounds so nice and this is why they like it. I still have to make myself do it but I’ll be glad I did someday.
During the day, we rely on their list of things that they need to get done before they can have free time. This works the best with the older kids, but it also does OK with the younger ones because we are fairly consistent. They have to do a chore, clean their room, read (I have to do this with the little guys, and i don’t love it), practice the piano, weed, then they have free time. It’s pretty nice. Often we go do something out of the house during free time. I like that.
And your vacation bible story is funny!
Oh, and some days, my kids just watch movies all day. 🙂 It’s about balance, right?
I like this topic too. I gave my answer on Blog Frog.
I got nothin. I feel very guilty when I do anything but spend time with Cooper. I am trying to create more of a balance and enjoy things we do together, but it is hard!
We started pizza nights (making it together) on Saturday’s but it lasted oh, maybe 3 weeks? 🙂
I am going to have to see what everyone else has to tell you and learn from them, too.
Good luck!
Oh geez, I’m only 2 years into this whole parenting thing…send some tips my way! 😉
So I’m not a mom yet (another 9-10 weeks!) but I do have a few things I *HOPE* to do when my children are older.
My family has always done family night. It’s now on a Tuesday night. We eat dinner together, either go out, or my mom or dad makes dinner. We sometimes play board games which we love, sometimes we rent a movie, sometimes we go to baskin robbin for $1 scoop tuesday ice cream. Some weeks it’s hours long, other times its just dinner, but we set the specific time so no matter how busy we get we spend time together.
It started when my parents got divorced to keep normalcy, but here we are kids 17 and me 25 married almost mom and we still do it.
Pick a night and make it a ritual, like your own friday pizza time nights, but then even if only one day a week you will feel like you had something intential planned and something for the kids to look forward to!
Oh, these exact same thoughts have been running through my head … one thing I’ve started with my two year old is a set 30 minutes everyday when we are “learning” something together. Like today we had 30 minutes of uninterrupted “play-doh” time. We talked. I asked questions. I felt intentional. I felt really tuned in, and we both enjoyed our selves. It’s not much … but a step in the right direction. This kind of time often gets lost between meals, naps, errands, playdates, …
Also, as a teacher, I highly recommend Love & Logic – it’s an amazing book that is all about intentional interactions with your kiddos, whether in the classroom or at home with your own kids. Most of it is common sense, but it really works!
Thanks for stopping by my blog today 🙂 Hope to “see” you again soon!
I absolutely LOVE the concept of intentional parenting. I goes along with my thoughts on leaving a legacy of faith and values behind that will be with my children and my children’s children long after I’m gone. The interesting thing is that I think each parent is going to find a way to do that in a method that is effective and impacts their family in a way that is unique from other family. We have to keep at it and not loose sight of the ultimate purpose. You’ll figure it out 🙂 Great discussion!!
Those Duggars are amazing!
You know, each parent and each family is different. I think you are a great mom just because you are questioning this and discussing the topic. It shows you care immensely.
I’m not yet a mom, but what I remember most about my childhood, and the one thing I always did as a babysitter, was bedtime. Brushing teeth, getting PJs on, having some juice, reading a story or singing a lullaby. It’s such a simple thing, but it ends the day on a high note for both you and your childen.
Good luck!