I’ve talked before about my issues.
While I have many scapegoats to blame those on (don’t worry, I’m not naming names…today anyway)…for the sake of time, I’m just going to focus on one today.
We’ll start with guilt trips.
You know, as familiar as I am with guilt trips, I have to say, I don’t love them.
I also have to say, since I’m being honest here, that it would be quite nice if I didn’t constantly feel like I have to say, “Look at me! Look at what I did! Remember this hobby of mine? Ya, I really enjoy it, and shouldn’t you be interested in it if only for that reason? Oh, you lost the website address….again?”
It’s tough having someone like this in your life. It’s tough trying so hard to be enough, but never quite measuring up. It’s really tough paying for the therapy that comes it all.
Kidding. I’m not in therapy. At the moment anyway.
Now, I don’t know if any of you are lucky enough to have such a person around…but I’m guessing with the mental stability of most people out there…you have at least one. And you might just be as humbled as I am because of it.
See, there is a silver lining in everything. We children of guilt trips, we’re humble folks, aren’t we?
When I got married, it was amazing to have someone who didn’t make me feel bad in the moments when I didn’t measure up.
When I made a mistake, or hurt his feelings, strangely the world didn’t come to a stop.
And I came to realize, I didn’t need to belittle myself anymore in hopes that it would stop him from doing it first. I didn’t need to, because there was no belittling.
There was no competition.
There was no guilt.
There was only love and acceptance.
He revels in my accomplishments, he takes pride in my work. Even though, most times, I have to say, “Aren’t you so proud of me?”
To which he responds sincerely, “Oh yes, baby, I totally am.”
(I’m needy, I admit it. Why do you think I have a blog?)
How I was able to make such a mature decision in choosing someone to love forever at such a young age, is beyond me. But, I am so thankful for him and the others in my life who have been more influential than even therapy could have achieved.
But, alas, I’m still me. I’m still slightly a product of my past, touched by events and people, good and bad.
I just have to remember…it’s not about them. I am outside of their dysfunction. I have to do the things I love for me. Not for anybody else.
If they notice, if they love it as well…that’s just a bonus.
If they don’t, at least I’m happy.
And poof…I just cured us all from the guilt trippers in our life.
Your welcome.
(And tomorrow, we will not be so heavy. I promise to lighten the load!)
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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I’m inspired by your honesty! And the awesomeness that is the relationship between you and your husband!
What sincere thoughts! I’m glad you’ve found the one you are meant to be with 🙂 You are very lucky to have such a wonderful and accepting person in your life.
So glad you’re guilt-free Summer! That can weigh on a person in so many ways…and most of them are just plain no good!
Happy guilt-trip free Monday!
A huge lesson for me was learning that I cannot control how others will react to me. That’s on them, NOT on me. Once I let that go, I was a new person.
No light and fluff here on a Monday. I love it, Summer. Your honesty and approach to writing is refreshing.
You are a lucky woman to have a husband like that by your side.
-Francesca
I think that most of us can relate to this in some way. I also want to say that this smacked me in my face in a good way.
“And I came to realize, I didn’t need to belittle myself anymore in hopes that it would stop him from doing it first. I didn’t need to, because there was no belittling.”
Great post Summer!
It is great that you have such a loving relationship with your hubby! And guilt trips are the worst… I get those all the time, when I go out without my kids, or to work, etc… but I don’t think there is a cure for me!
I am needy girl myself. I need to be acknowledged. I need to be patted on the back. I need someone, or everyone to say Good Job ! You are awesome!. I just need that affirmation. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. It’s my love language. Affirmation and Acts of Service. See I’m not only needy I’m selfish too!
<3
You could have taken those words directly from my mouth, with one exception, I am totally in therapy.
Fully enjoyed my “Summer” catch-up, and just to rid myself of my own guilt trip, please know that I am sooo proud of YOU and your writing, even though I don’t read every day!!! :). (Just so you know, I only read anyone’s blogs just a couple times a month!!!) hehe 🙂 just had to throw that out there.
Still laughing over the talk b/t Tay and Jimmy and loved everything else, especially the Max Lucado passage.
Love you!
I am fasting guilt trips. I thought about fasting chocolate, but decided fasting guilt trips would leave me so much lighter. And remember, Summer, there’s nothing wrong with therapy! 🙂
Thanks for a great post. (Have I mentioned how proud of you I am?)
My husband is a total guilt tripper, but in an “I’m just trying to be funny way”.
I’ve learned to ignore him.
Kind of.
Wine helps.
And whine.
I still love him.
I gave up on giving in to guilt trips long ago. And I don’t believe in therapy… the drugs are cheaper.
Kidding, kidding, lol.
I carry around WAY too much guilt. I’m talking old guilt mixed in with new guilt. However, I’m learning or shall I say trying to let some of it go. What is it about hitting your 30’s that makes you finally deal with your “issues”? Anyway, good for you that you have a supportive husband and have found a way to overcome the dreaded guilt tripping.
I seriously need to save your blog post on my favorites and reread it. My family – they KNOW how to guilt trip. Major trips there. I love them dearly and they know that if there’s a guilt trip avenue, I’m a sucker to it. Even Greg attempts the guilt trips with me, mostly in jest. But I still react. I want people around me to be happy.. need to remember that I need to be happy to (not saying I’m not happy most of the time, but I’ve been known to put others first a lot more than myself)…. that’s why the guilt trips work. Ugh.
Guilt sucks, but I can’t seem to get away from it totally. I guess I am just a sucker.
I’ve been HEALED! Can I get a witness?! Praisalujah!
OK, seriously, good stuff today. Or, yk, the day you wrote it. Belittling myself, if only in my mind, is a serious hobby of mine. I try to refrain from doing it in front of the kids so they don’t pick up on it and start to a)belittle themselves or b)belittle me, too.