“When are you going to have another one?”
“You don’t want kids?”
“You mean, you only want one?”
“Wait a minute, how can you know you’re done? You ONLY have two!”
“That is just so sad that you’re stopping here. So sad.”
Seriously? What is up with this whole having an opinion on if and how many kids people are having these days? It’s just something I will never understand, being that I really could care less about the number of children born to any person. Unless of course, it’s the Octamom. In that case, I do have an opinion. A strong opinion. Especially because my tax dollars are paying for her decision.
Anyway, back to me.
After I had Taylor, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have more kids. Pregnancy was so hard what with being sick to my stomach the first half, and gestational diabetes the last. Then newborn life, oh don’t get me started. The hours of inconsolable crying (mine and his), the breastfeeding, the mastitis, the sleep deprivation…on and on and on.
Then came the toddler years, and all the fun anxiety that came with it….
You can see why I thought one was enough.
And yet, I still found myself being asked at least once a week when we were going to have another one. The ugly contorted looks I got when they heard that Taylor may be the only one. There were a few in fact that I thought might start crying.
But as time went on it eventually wore me down, and I decided to give pregnancy another shot.
Jimmy and I from day one always agreed that we only wanted 2 kids at the most, so we knew that this pregnancy would definitely be the last.
And now, with Chloe being 4 months, the questions are a-coming again.
“When are you going to have another?”
“Are you sure you ONLY want two?”
“Oh, but three is such a good number.”
“How can you even know right now that you’re done? You only have 2!”
And on and on.
But, I am starting to learn that all I need to do is whip out that look that Jimmy had the privilege of seeing here…
Enough said I think.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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I love that people say that to you, too! We don’t know if there will be a second, but people are starting to ask. We’re re-evaluating the situation after two years 🙂
You know… A-holes ask me all the time, “So when are you going to have one?” when they see me with my brother or sister’s kids. Uhm, well a) I’m not married or even engaged and b)Why do I need to go through the trouble of pregnancy right now when I’ve got all these babies around me that I can hand back at the end of the day? Gah, people who aren’t us suck, right? Boy and I have set our number at 2 as well. I think it’s the PERFECT number too. Forget those other people! And seriously? Chloe is only 4 MONTHS! What do they think you are… a machine?
I know EXACTLY what you mean. All of our family and friends did the same thing to us. With two girls everyone asks “Don’t you want to try for a boy”. Ummm what happens if I had another girl people!? Do I keep trying and trying and end up with 10 girls! Oy vay!
I call that one THE STINK EYE!
I use it alot. It usually gets my point across without saying a word.
You wear it well!
That is so weird…my parents had 5 kids and people are always going, “WOWWWW!!! That’s a LOT!” I have never encountered anyone who thought 2 wasn’t enough. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with nosy-busy-bodies like that. I think you’re reaction is fabulous though. 🙂 Tell them, if they think you should have more kids, you’d be happy to let them raise them for you. Otherwise, butt out! :))
I was really young when I had my first and I was told to hold off to have my second. I told everyone… after having my son and the whole unpleasantries of newborn life that made me tell them ALL I am done! However, it turns out I ended up having two more. I have three and still get asked when you having another. Even numbers are really good you know! Pluh-leez!
I hate those questions, too. Especially from people that I’m not even all that close to. It’s such a personal choice, and we shouldn’t have to justify it to people. Love the look, by the way. 🙂
We had our one son for a long time and we were really happy. Then the two surprises came along (sigh, but love them) Now I see people that have 4 or 5 children and when I comment my Dh says we have THREE. Oh yeah. Stay with your beautiful two and keep ‘The look’. It works wonders!
This is my first time to your blog and I love it!! I will browse around when I have more time.
I totally sympathize with you about this topic. As soon as I said “I do” people were harping at us about having kids. I did get some sort of sick pleasure in peoples reactions when I would say “I can’t have kids”. I know…so mean…but it guaranteed that they would never ask again. lol
I’m following you on Twitter! 🙂
One thing I’ve learned is that no matter what you do or what you have done, people will always criticize or judge and sometimes we *imagine* more criticism than is actually happening because we’re already sensitive to the judgments that have already happened! TOTALLY be proud of your decision! Two kids is the best decision for YOU, no one else needs to concern themselves over it!
Great look. I hate those questions.
Oh, and the ones that are even more invasive: Was this one planned? Did you have to have help to get pregnant this time? It’s another girl?? – when are going to try for a boy? (Dude, I’m still pregnant. Give me a break!)
Having children is so personal. I’m amazed at how many people feel like it is their business.
Although, I admit, I had a friend who had a real struggle with her hormones during her pregnancy and for a year afterward. She was always such a mess. And after her 4th baby I very very tactfully pointed out that she didn’t NEED to have another one, even if it was part of her plan (I hate people and their PLANS to have kids. No one should have a child out of a feeling of obligation, especially if they already have like 4!!!!) And then after the 5th, again, I said, you don’t HAVE to have any more. You can be done. It’s OK. But that’s only because she struggles so much for that 2 year period. She really is a very very good Mom. And ultimately, it’s a huge personal decision. Not mine or anyone else’s business!!!!
After my first child, I thought he would be the “only” one. Eight years later, tada, here comes number two. Number two screams a lot. Nobody seems to ask me anymore why I don’t want another one. I think its written all over my face after the tramatizing fit and blood curtling screams…hmmmm, yeah, no thanks. No more for me…
That look oughta do it.
I have been getting pressure non stop to have a baby since I got married (and honestly, even before). When random people ask me when? when? when?, I feel like telling them that we just found out we can’t have kids and are devistated. Just to see the look on their face.
I love how people think they know whats best. Always.
haha i love this. i am not yet at that stage in my life to have kids but a few of my friends are and they are constantly being bullied about when and how many. it is insane, i find myself coming to their defense saying it’s their choice and your opinion has no control over it so keep it to yourself. i mean common people…live your own life.
jeepers. i am a child of a family of two and i think that is the perfect number. if i “ever” have kids…yes i said “ever.” haha but i also say that about marriage (if i ever) and you get a whole other set of when/ why questions when you are a single 25yr old woman saying that. i have come up with my own look to take on those situations 🙂
Oh, Summer… I wanted to invite you to play in my photo challenge next week. I promise if you do I will try to get the nerve up to do a blogversation! I have wanted to… I’m just too scared!
Oh, do you want the link??… here it is: (oops!)
http://everythingexceptthegrill.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-life-in-pictures-new-photo-challenge.html
Sooooo….you’re NOT having another!?!?!?! Don’t you think Chloe needs a sister?
I’m with you. I have two girls, and two is what we planned and I am very happy with them. Yet I still get asked the same question and I want to scream every time I hear it come out of someones mouth.
Great post Summer! Boy can I relate to what you are saying. I am constanly getting asked when i am going to start settling down and having kids. and im not even married!!! people get really awkward/uncomfortable talking to me it seems like when i tell them i am not sure if i even do want kids of my own. they have such a hard time understanding it.
does not wanting kids make me a bad person? seriously…i love children…i adore my nieces and nephew, obviously. i just really dont know if i could handle that responsiblity.
as women i feel like we are supposed to fit some type of mold that everyone expects us to be. its tough.
I just posted about this last week because we are having #4 and I got a whole buncha lip from someone who has no business giving me their two cents. It IS a personal decision; BACK OFF PEOPLE!
And for the record, two kids IS a great number; there are 5 years between #2 and #3 and having a little fam-of-four for awhile was just right.
I get asked all the time if we are going to have more kids. Seriously, people!?!
Apparently, triplets plus one is not good enough.
It’s your call and yours alone. I have two and I’m content with that also. Do what’s best for you!!!!
I am constantly amazed at how people have no boundaries and no idea of how rude they are. It seems it isn’t my business how many kids you have unless I’m paying for them!
You are so right. What’s more, what if said person (getting questioned) DID want more and couldn’t?! How rude is that? Love the look. I might have to employ that one.
Wow, I thought breeding women only got bugged about having more when they had two of the same sex. I always got asked if I was going to try for a boy after having two girls.
People love being nosey. So are you having another or what? 🙂
lol! Paople I know ask me the same thing…I give them a “WTF are you that un-smart? look” and then remind them that I’m divorced.
People are such asses sometimes.
I have three kids-you know this-and it is a LOT.
And it’s CERTAINLY not for everyone.
I didn’t think it was for me but God thought otherwise and He was right. Ella is wonderful and 3 is a good size for ME.
And I just used a “bad word” and mentioned God in the same post. In case you didn’t see that.
I also may have had a drink. 🙂
(Also, I didn’t say at first that I had 3 kids at first so it made it sound like I had 3 @$$holes which I most certainly do not. And I am happy to have cleared this up.)
You should see the looks I get because I do have three. Sometimes people actually ask if my youngest was an accident! Right in front of him! I just say, nope, he was planned but the first one was a oops moment that turned out so great.
oh my gosh.
i am insane.
🙂
I know! People say “You are only having the one?” all the time and giving me grief. My response to shut them down is “Well, I’m old. The doctor says it is dangerous for me to try again.” Get out of my face!
And why did I not see like 8 posts of yours when I’ve been checking the reader daily and thought I was all caught up? Blogger sucks sometimes!
Why are we women each others biggest critics? I only have ONE child… I know, can you believe it?
I had hyperemesis and spent most of my pregnancy on feeding tubes and in the hospital.. but you know what? I don’t need to explain MY decision to anyone.
Hey, if any only child was good enough for God…
TOTALLY with you on this one sister. It’s horrifying the right people think they have to make you think about double and triple suicide when you’re still in the throws of shell shock from the first.
haha! love it… we got pregnant with our daughter when our son was 7 months old. we just HAD to get the walmart cashier with a brain-to-mouth filter problem because she kept going on and on about how nobody should have more than one child and oh boy were we going to regret having two… my hormones wanted me to wrap the entire carousel of plastic bags around her head. some people…
Too many believe it’s a virtue simply to be fecund.
OOOOOOOHHHHHH don’t EVEN get me started on this topic. People should really shut their mouths b/c they never know what a family’s reasons for things are -what if you are having fertiltiy issues or any other thing that you dont care to share with a perfect stranger!!!!!! Makes my blood BOIL!!!