Recently, Jimmy and I were talking about how it is really uncomfortable to feel pain. (I know, you’re thinking, um duh.) I think we are such a painless society. When we have a headache, we take medicine. When we feel bad, we look for a way to feel good. Pain sucks and we will do what we have to do to make it go away. I’m certainly no exception. Hellllo, I love love love epidurals.
We got to talking about God’s timing, and how sometimes, he doesn’t exactly move as quickly as we want him to. We pray, we medicate, we seek our own way, and yet the hurt is still there. We wonder, why isn’t God taking the pain when he is plenty capable.
I’ve been in that place. Almost two years ago, what started as a panic attack (after spending a week watching and helping to care for my grandpa in his final days), slowly turned into month after painful month of intense anxiety. Every single moment was painful. I wanted to sleep, yet I couldn’t. I wanted to eat, and I couldn’t. I wanted to cry, but there were no tears. I was in this prison, praying out to God that he would just take it away. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt trapped, and I wanted out.
When I realized the pain wasn’t going anywhere my prayers went from, “Take this from me!” to, “Get me through this, help me to learn the lesson, help me just to make it through the next five minutes.”
For me, there is no pain greater than emotional pain. And yet despite how incredibly awful I felt inside, I knew I had nothing that I was unhappy about. My grandpa was in heaven, finally released from his disease. I felt incredibly surrounded with love by my friends and family who knew what I was going through. And both Jimmy and Taylor were unbelievably sweet and gentle with me during that time. Everything was amazing. Besides the fact that I was in deep emotional pain.
In my pain, I learned to trust. I learned to live moment by moment. I learned humility. I learned the true meaning of joy. I learned to be content in even the worst of circumstances. I learned that what doesn’t break me only serves to make me stronger.
I learned more than anything, that sometimes, it’s just neccessary to feel the pain. It’s important to trust in God’s timing. Even when it doesn’t seem like he’s working, he is.
He always always is.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Summer, I am so glad that you and my dad, your grandpa, had a close relationship. As I have seen with all of his grandchildren, Daddy had the time, that he did not have with his girls because he was always working to provide for us, to spend time with you, sit and talk, hold you, hug you. You had the wonderful opportunity in getting know him better than his daughters. What a wonderful thing, Summer and I know you hold it very close to your heart. This is NOT to say that Daddy did not love us girls, ohhhh, I KNOW that he did. We have the wonderful opportuinty in calling him Daddy but you have the wonderful and special opportuinty in calling him Grandpa. Love you, Rochelle
Amen! I, too, have learned the hard (or more difficult) way that the Lord is more concerned about my character than my comfort. Although, he does give peace and comfort in the rough times…..like in Duet 31:8 – The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
(I’m glad I was able to meet you last week at the park!)
Amen. That was very well put. Isn’t it interesting, I think that most of the intense emotional pain we struggle through is not entirely rational. But it’s very real.
Faith, prayer, time, and lexapro! I only somewhat jest on the lexapro. I had anxiety that made it difficult for me to eat, and get anything in the correct perspective. 6 weeks on the lexapro was all I needed to get things back in balance again. And I am sooooo grateful. But I think that medicine can only go so far. It can rebalance your insides but the faith and time are what keep my mind and spirit balanced.
This is a beautiful post. It really is. Sometimes to feel pain and be hurt is necessary so that you can grow and live your life in a new way. I think its just one of those things that we don’t understand but God know and has a bigger plan.
Beautiful post.
I was sorry to hear about the time you and your family had.
And when I say “had”, I mean, “carry around”. Cuz it never goes away, it just gets easier to deal with as you put some time between it and you.
My wife and I have been through quite a bit of stuff that i dont talk about. And I never will. We just push it down, and move on. but sometimes it’s sad, and we get sad about it, and then we pick ourselves up again, and move on.
Im glad that religion helps you, that must give you some peace. My wife finds good things in it too, but I don’t generally. My problems with religion go much further back, and may not ever get fixed.
All i can say is when you get in your head too much, stand up, look in the faces of your kids (when they’re not screaming) and put your mind on what is wonderful about you, and your life.
And that’s all I got. Pain, I got… solutions, not so much.
Jay
PS – I’m a HUGE fan. 😉
This is so, so true. I don’t know what else to say – you said it so well.
Last year was my year of tears and heartache. I learned a similar lesson too. At first my prayer was to make the pain and trial go away (my mom was very, very sick, I thought I was going to loose her), but when it didn’t I realized I had been praying for the wrong thing. So I changed my prayer to, “Lord, what you are trying to teach me? Your will be done”.
Once I embraced that, eventually the Lord changed my circumstances and healed my mom, but the change in my heart had to happen first. I grew so much spiritually that year.
Amen Summer for you testimony. Growth hurts, but I am so thankful that we at least have a great God who holds us during those times and that we don’t have to face scary things like that alone.
it is a truly beautiful post! I know how you mean that even when it feels like God is doing nothing, he is working in his own mysterious ways. Those ways have taught me so much over the years!
This is such an insightful post. I think that this is something that doesnt occur to people who have not been through some monumental pain in life. Be it physical or emotional. What we learn to get through at the time is our burden to bear yet after gives us the insight to help others and teach them to make it through. If you learn the lesson, those with the biggest burdens become those with the most to teach, should they so choose to. I love this post. Thank you for writing it.
Over 2 1/2 years ago, I went through the emotional challenge of my life. I really, really didn’t want to feel it. Unfortunately, everywhere I turned, the pain was there waiting for me. I finally started to get very serious about my journaling. I had been journaling for about a year, but this was a time when I could not let it slide. It helped tremendously.
Thanks for sharing this.
Great post! So full of substance…I loved epidurals too (at least, I didn’t feel the cervix dilation checks after that:)) but for any other kinda pain, tea works fine:)
So true and so well written. The lessons are in the pain, and the pain makes us appreciate everything else even more.
thanks for that…I needed it today.
Your beautiful post reminded me of this –
Be still and know that I am God.
Psalms 46:8
Thank you for reminding me that my struggles and pain give me empathy and compassion. I am glad that you have made it through the fire, now you are tempered like steel.
Congrats on the the top blog on BSU. I’m a little late getting over:)
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post:) I have been trusting in God’s timing ALOT lately! Day to day is the way!
You speak wonderful words, lady.
amen sister. very well and beautifully put