It’s true, and I’ll say it again, A Divided Home is a Happy Home.
Remember awhile back when I talked about cheap therapy, and then I ranted and raved about marriage and family therapist, Shelby Riley? (If you’re new, you can read it here) Well, I decided to put into practice one of her e-books, 10 Weeks to Increased Intimacy and Connection.
It was time, given all this “embrace your role” crap that’s been going around.
We finally scheduled a meeting for this weekend, and hashed out assignment one. Chores & Responsibilities.
And whew, can I just say, I am now a happy woman?
The big thing that we came to agreement on before anything was that simply caring for the kids is a full time job. That alone is equivalent to the 40 hours at his job. So, in both knowing that, it was decided that all the chores and responsibilities are extra, and NOT included in our “jobs.” (read: MY job.) So, um, ya…really glad we got clear on that.
After that was written in stone and tattooed on his forehead, we sat down and collectively wrote out all the chores and responsibilities of the home, from cooking to trash to paying the bills. Then, per Shelby’s suggestion, we rated each chore based on how much time or how hard it was. Such as, trash got one star for being easy, vacuuming got four.
Are you getting the picture here?
Once everything was listed and rated, we then went through and picked the things we didn’t mind doing. After that, we divided up the rest based on points and did our best to make our list (according to point value) even. In the end, he had 15 points worth of chores and I had 17. (I’m going to resist being a martyr here.)
Also, let the record show that he chose cooking from the list. HE CHOSE IT. Willingly and on his own. In fact, let the record show once more, I even offered to take 2 nights a week.
You see, I am beginning to grasp this whole…wait what was that word again? Starts with a “c?” Hmm, oh well, it’s lost on me at the moment. Ooooh, compromise…that’s right.
But then he asked what I was planning on cooking those nights, and when I responded spaghetti or tuna melts, he decided it was a chore he was willing to accept responsibility for.
So, there you go. We divided up our list, we printed it out and put it on the refrigerator, and now we have a happy home. We parted ways agreeing on meeting again about this in two months to see how our loads are, and to see if there needs to be any changes.
Like I said, A Divided Home is a Happy Home. You should try it.
Life is good, I’m not cooking, and that’s that.
Next week is Assignment Two: Prioritize Your Values and Live Intentionally. (Like, I value not having to cook?)
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
SHARE THIS POST
Spaghetti and tuna melts: sounds good to me! You should cook every night! 🙂
Wow. I am loving the whole process of making the lists, assigning points, etc. That makes a lot of sense, and seems really workable.
Glad to hear it! If hubster gets laid off we are so headed to the divided household. Normally he works about 80 to 100 hours a week, so really other than sleeping, he isnt here. But should that change, he will be helping with more, fo sho!
Oh sweetie…
I am guessing that you and I are in…well…similar circumstances.
I wont go into details, but…
I feel you.
this is great. can’t wait for us to get back to marriage counseling – it was SO helpful. god, I totally forgot about tuna melts! my favorite! I’m gonna have to crank some of those out with the tower of tuna we have from costco! 🙂
I have to give you major kudos for getting him to understand that your caring for the kids in equivilant to his 40hr a week job outside the house. Was hypnosis involved? Joking! Best of luck. Hope it all works out and keep us posted, I would like to hear that it is and maybe implement something like that in my house. Ahhh… to not have to cook.
Color me impressed!! It sounds like you guys are doing some good work!
Did you ever stop by and see my videos?
Let him do it if he’s willing. By all means!
I love the point system. Great idea.
I love the point system! I’m bookmarking this in my brain for future reference!
Love it! My husband and I definitely are a team in these responsibilities and let me tell you, it is great! Glad you are doing this!
it’s good to know who does what and keep it that way …everyone knows what they’re supposed to be doing without any confusion.
i’m diggin it! hubs and i should have done this years (YEARS) ago. definitely keep us posted!
I tried this with my hubby a month or so ago. It hasn’t worked out so well. . .
Hmmmmm…sounds like she knows what she is talking about with the results you are getting. I might have to check out her e-book!
Hi.
I’m stopping by via SITS to say hello.
Have a great week!
now that is a good idea but how do you deal if he doesn’t do it the way you want it done or in the time that you want it done. this is my issue. somethings I have given up on but others I just can’t. I have to do them or they would not get done like moping the floor or cleaning the bathroom. these are his jobs but after 3 weeks of asking them to get done and nothing and now creepy things are grabbing my butt when I sit on the toilet….action must be taken.
That sounds totally reasonable. And I’ve always thought that taking care of the kids is the full-time job.
You know, when two people are reasonable and focused on resolving the concerns it is amazing how well things can work out.
I’m glad that worked out for you!
Great idea!
And I really really hope it works for you guys!!
I would just be glad to get the realization from my husband that taking care of our kid is a job and not a walk in the park! I think you did a great service with this post!