I’ve never been completely open about this. I’m much too fragile and afraid of being judged or looked down on. But, I started this blog not just to begin writing again, but to be real. To share my own struggles and joys in hopes that I can myself grow and learn, but also in hopes to help someone else do the same.
I’ve mentioned my anxiety. But, the thing about my anxiety is that it doesn’t seem to come from worrying. I can be going along in my life, even if things are stressful, and think I am doing just fine. The fall always comes before, “Hey, I think I’m doing really well! Look at all that’s going on, and I’m not even worried or stressed!” Boom. It hits.
Last year, December 27th to be exact, was the last day that I remember experiencing anxiety. I’ve had moments here and there since, but nothing that lasted too long or was too big of a deal.
Then December 28th came this year. I was feeling totally fine all day long, and then around 7pm, I got this oh so familiar and uncomfortable feeling that can only be called anxiety. It’s awful. Seriously the worst feeling in the world. It’s this feeling of unsettledness and dread combined. My mouth goes dry, my tummy gets upset, and there isn’t a thing in the world that I could even attempt to eat. (I love to eat. So, this is when you know it’s serious!!!) I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and wait for it to go away. I did do that a little. Only, I crawled into bed and got out my bible. It had a bit of dust I had to wipe off first.
It’s a little better today. But, not entirely. I’m bummed. I had hoped this was a thing of my 20’s. I guess maybe God has other plans. I’ve been slacking in my bible reading, in my prayer life….in many areas actually. Could this be His way of getting me back on track?
My friend Aurora knew my struggles and emailed me this verse:
Philippians 4:6
Don’t worry about anything; Instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
I plan on doing a lot of praying and reading today. I cannot stay in this place. I have two kids and a husband who depend on me. I just know I didn’t put myself here, and I can’t bring myself out. God rescued me before, and I have to believe he will again.
© 2008 “Le Musings of Moi”
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the verse that always gets me through the anxious times is the one about the lilies of the field, how they neither toil nor spin. there’ve been plenty of dark days in my own life and i can’t tell you how many times i have clung to that one verse like a lifeline in a storm…
Summer,
Anxiety can be such a bitch! People really dont understand sometimes. It is also a very tough feeling to explain to other people. I too have had feelings of anxiety before. It is so different from just plain worry and stuff. It truly affects you physically.
Wishing you some peace!
Katie
Hi Summer. You are not alone. I feel the same way…and honestly the only thing that gets me thru it…is laying in bed like you said with the covers over my head all alone! I cant eat/sleep think, and although I know there is medication that would help, me and Dave (my hubby) don’t want to use medication if we can help it. Feel better soon!
Summer,
I battle this too, and let me tell you I know how terribly scary that feeling is.
The only way I have gotten “away” from that feeling is from lots and lots of praying, and the help of zoloft.
It scares me to the core, like you that one day I will turn the corner and it will be there again. I am so sorry honey.
Just pray. I will pray for you too.
I struggled with anxiety and major panic attacks for about five years and every now and then that horrible feeling creeps back up on me. And like you said, it’s the worst feeling in the world.
I have to use the tools I learned to battle it originally {which took years} every single time that first sign returns. It’s like the crazy voice in my head comes back and instead of agreeing with her and letting her win, I have to talk her back down to reality because if I don’t, she will take over my entire world.
If the bible helps you, that’s great, but don’t give all your strength and accomplishments to “god” because YOU did it. You are strong and you are capable but sometimes anxiety comes back around not to remind you to pray but to remind you to check your emotions …be true to your self and honest with what you are feeling and allow yourself to feel it. Change what doesn’t suit you any longer.
I hope it’s quick and painless and if you want to lay in bed for a day, do it. But just for one day 🙂
I’ve never had anxiety, but I have gone through some bouts of depression…and that feeling of being unable to control your thoughts and feelings is terrifying, so I think I can relate to you on that level. Oh, I hope that you feel better soon. I am impressed that you are relying on your inner strength and faith to get you through it. We’re all here for you (in our limited capacities) so share away! Feel better! ((Hugs right back atcha!))
Hi Summer,
I saw your comment on Becky’s blog and I decided to drop by (unannouced of course)
I too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, so I know what you’re experiencing. There really is nothing worse.
I hope you feel better soon, the bible and prayer should help a lot.
While you’re in Philippians 4 …. go down to verse 13: YOU can do all things through Christ WHO gives YOU strength!
I know you can. I believe in you. HE does too.
🙂
I also suffer with anxiety, so it’s great to know that I’m not the only one!
Thank you for sharing the verse and being so open. I know the feelings that you described and they are tough to deal with, but things get better. Prayer has helped me a ton.
Wonderful blog, Summer. You don’t know how much that verse touched me tonight. We all know that God is the only one who can get us through the times we think are unbareable, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded. You are in my thoughts and prayers! I love you!
Just found your blog and I really love it!
That was a great verse from Phillipians that your friend sent you and soo true!
My mom struggles with anxiety, so I know how hard that must be…I wish you all the best!
I love that verse and I cannot think of a more appropriate one for you right now! You will get through this as you have in the past. I hope that this passes quickly for you! Remember God will not give you anything you cannot handle!
Wish you well!