goodnight nobody: a mothers struggle

I just finished reading this book in about three days.

I was hooked immediately when I started to read about the stay at home mom who didn’t feel like she fit in with the “mom’s who do everything right and by the book” in her neighborhood. She basically feels like she’s a nobody. Just a housewife. (Which her husband actually calls her in the story!) She gets caught up in trying to investigate the murder of one her neighbors, mostly because she feels bored with her life and just needs something to do. In the end, she realizes that the lives of these “perfect” moms aren’t so perfect after all. I kept thinking how weird that I got hooked….it just doesn’t have any relevance to my life whatsoever! πŸ˜‰ Well, definitely not the murder part.

Although the book wasn’t deep by any means, it still made me think about being a mom, and my role. Which I often think about anyway, since it’s what I do all day every day. No matter how put together a mom may seem, we are all having issues behind closed doors. That may mean not showering but a few times a week, to something much larger. But, hey they’re all issues!!!

Being a mom is amazing and wonderful, but it’s also very “other” oriented, and not much about us. We don’t get raises, we don’t get reviews, we don’t get a pat on the back for a task well done, and we don’t get the satisfaction of a clean desk with the to do list all checked off when we go home.

Our job begins when we wake up and ends when we go to sleep, which often times, goes right along with the times our kids wake up and also fall asleep. Can you imagine a life where every night before you tucked in your kids, they said…”Mom, you did just amazing today. I really loved how you followed through with your threats by putting me in time out the first time I disobeyed. I can really see how you are molding me into a better person. Thank you for loving me so much to say no. I adore you mom, and I can’t wait for yet another day of life lessons with a beautiful, thin, and wise mommy. Oh, and just because I love you so much, I’m going to sleep till nine tomorrow. Kiss kiss.”

It’s been difficult for me sometimes. I miss getting dressed up all cute, and having somewhere to go. I watch Jimmy go and head to hang with his friends, have adult talk, do something useful with his time. He gets two ten minute breaks, and an hour lunch in which he can do ANYTHING he wants to. I often tease Jimmy that he gets to go to work to take a break and hang out with his friends all day. Work Schmork. Then he gets to come home to a child who has missed him and can’t wait to see him. And their two hours together for the day are blissful as they walk off into the sunset. =)
*AND SCENE*

But, of course, that’s not the reality. And when I really think about it, I know that. What is reality is that I get to be the one to kiss my son when he gets hurt, I get to snuggle him in my bed in the morning while we slowly wake up together. I get to run to Target for a wander-less trip for an hour, and not have to rush off to do anything other than what I have decided to plan. (Unless of course, he’s throwing a fit over a toy we aren’t buying…but, really, how often does that happen? ha ha) I can go to the gym three days a week, and take full advantage of the childcare. I get to plan walks with my neighbors and allow our kids to sit and babble to each other while in the joggers. I get to basically, mostly, plan our time together so that when he remembers his childhood, he’ll remember that it was spent with a mommy who loved to be with him so much.

I really am blessed…and like that song I posted earlier, I know that what I am giving will all be worth it in the end. I’m changing the world by raising a child who is loved and cared for. (And by cared for, I mean, he’s dressed, fed, and alive.)

My last thought is this, I think it’s so important that women are honest with each other. There is nothing wrong with striving to be better, but be honest about your faults, your issues, your stuff….that’s what will help encourage each other and build each other up. Not that we need to be drowning in our sorrows together, but sometimes it helps just to know that we are all human. We are not alone. And we are really more alike than a lot of us realize.

And I thought I was going to be reading a mindless novel by Jennifer Weiner.

Β© 2008 “Le Musings of Moi”

SHARE THIS POSTShare on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestGoogle+Email to someone
It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

Comments

  1. Danielle says:

    I can so relate…

  2. I totally get this….

  3. I couldn’t agree more… so many women define themselves as ‘just a mom’ or there are those that say stuff like ‘All I’ve ever wanted to be was a mother…” and they put on these airs that they have it all together… and they sooo don’t… at least I secretly hope they don’t. hee hee

  4. I can relate. I’mna have to go add this book to the list of “have to reads”

  5. Wonderful post…I really enjoyed it and I’m right there with you! Happy SITS Day!

  6. Oh that sounds like a good book!! I think everyone can relate to things in one way or another!

  7. I think I am going to have to get that book!

    Congrats on being a featured blogger! πŸ™‚

  8. Sometimes reminders and lessons come in the most unexpected places.

  9. Wow what a great book, but I think everyone should be honest with themselves, not just women. πŸ™‚

  10. Hello–Visiting from SITS but I can already tell from reading your first post here that I am going to be adding you to my blogroll!

    First, LOVE Jennifer Weiner and this was such a good book. I was sold when I read the blurb that went something like “A housewife who acts as a detective on Tuesdays, Wednesday, Thursdays between 8 and 1 while her children are in school.”

    Second, you captured EXACTLY how I feel about being a stay-at-home mom…about missing the grown-up world (one of the reasons I started my blog), about feeling “jealous” of the hubby who goes to work each day and gets to talk to real live adults and not be at the mercy of a child’s whims (though he always SWEARS he isn’t having any fun at work but STILL… he had someone to talk to about the Amazing Race!!!), about feeling like “just a housewife,” about never getting time off or a mental health day and never being off the clock. But then you so perfectly captured the flip side as well…how you are getting to really be there for your kid, how great it is when they start going to school for awhile, when you do get to make those connections with other moms, when you get to see all the cool and fun ways your kids grows.

    Thank you thank you so much…I thought this was one of the best things I’ve seen written about being a mom who stays home!

  11. What a great review – and more! I am visiting from SITS and am really enjoying my time here with you. I am sure I will be back for more.

  12. Wow, that is how I feel. I am not the best house cleaner. When I actually clean the house, sometimes my husband will say good job, but other times he gives me this look that says, well it is your job. Yikes. Personal days, please.

  13. well, I’m going to have to go out and get this book, because I can relate to so much of what you wrote.

    Great post.

  14. Great post and great review! I really liked this book too. I think I will have to re-read it now that I am a mom. Keep up the great work. πŸ™‚

  15. Great post and book review! I’ve wanted to read this book for some time and now more than ever, thanks πŸ™‚ Happy SITS Day!

  16. Very well said! And so very true! I couldn’t agree more!
    Have a great SITS day!

  17. Oh I love Jennifer Weiner! I haven’t read this book yet…not sure why. *?*

    Happy SITS day!

  18. looks like a good book! i’m always looking for something to read. i’m rereading crime and punishment for like the 80th time, so something new would be awesome.

  19. I think we all struggle with the thoughts you shared. Being a mom is the most difficult job in the world, but also the most rewarding!

  20. What a fantastic post! My thoughts exactly!

  21. Definitely makes sense!

  22. When I first saw the title, I was expecting a riff off Goodnight Moon. I was so wrong! And this describes so eloquently how so many people are feeling.

  23. Sounds like a great read. Thanks for sharing.

  24. Ah – my first thought was Goodnight Moon too:). Congrats on your SITS day and couldn’t agree with you more!

  25. One of my favorite quotes is from one of my favorite bloggers, Maternal Mirth, she says “The term working mother is redundant.” I love it. Whether were working in the home or working at the office Mommyhood is the hardest and best job we’ll ever know.

  26. That sounds like a good book. I’ll have to check it out.

    No one is perfect, that’s for sure. We’d be so much better fof if we just lived our lives the best we can without looking around to see how we compare with everyone.

    Great post.

  27. what a great surprise for what I thought was just a book review! I’m so glad i’m not alone :)!

    Hope you have a great SITS day!

  28. It’s so relieving to hear that I’m not alone on not being perfect. Being a mom is hard, but it’s nice to hear that others are right were I’m at.

  29. You are so right about it all! I envy my husband every now and then, but then I realize how much he is actually missing out on.

    While he is at work, he doesn’t get to see the silly faces our baby makes, he doesn’t get to snuggle up before nap time, he doesn’t get to watch our baby learn learn learn! He has to cram all his loving into just two hours before bedtime (the time of day that the baby is the least happy!)

  30. What a great post. You put in to words what so many of us stay-at-home moms feel. I know I gripe about the little frustrations but in the end I know I’m blessed to be able to stay home with my kids 24/7. Although a uninterrupted one hour lunch break would be a nice little surprise, it would be great if we could work that in to our contract. πŸ˜‰

  31. I like Jennifer Weiner’s books. I haven’t read this one though. I’ll add it to my reading list though.

    Nice post. I do think women should be more honest with each other.

  32. Three cheers for mamas! I envy your staying home with your children. My husband stays home with mine while I pack up and head to work. There are many days I would rather be kissing skinned knees…

  33. I think that’s why so many women like chic lit. Even though it’s easy to read, it can still make you think.

  34. Very well written!

    Congrats on being the featured blogger!

    Happy SITS Day!

  35. My favorite books are the ones that I’m still thinking about several days later.

  36. Sounds like a good book. Visiting for the first time from SITS. Love the review.

  37. I liked that book too–an interesting read. Adn you have some pretty insightful thoughts, there, Lady! JW certainly didn’t inspire ME to be so introspective! πŸ˜‰

  38. These reasons were exactly why I went back to work (part-time). My mental health was much more important to me (and for our family) than just being home. The adult interaction, being able to get away, being mentally stimulated by a challenging career, etc. It made our home life much happier, even though I had to sacrifice the time spent with my kids.

  39. I love this post…. very well said…. and I have to say, I can totally relate to the “I’m changing the world by raising a child who is loved and cared for. (And by cared for, I mean, he’s dressed, fed, and alive.)” comment!!! I love your honesty too! We aren’t perfect, and it helps when we can relate to each other and get support! Thanks!

  40. Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Ditto.

  41. Deep! I often think that about my husband and his job. But you’re absolutely right–we’re the blessed ones!

  42. Visiting from SITS and what a great first post to read. You certainly said it all very well here!

  43. Okay, now I must go get this book! As if I’m not already trying to finish Twilight, hehe…and have a million other things to do like all the other mommies do, hehe! Thanks for sharing, cute post!

  44. I’ve read this one already – great feedback on it!

  45. Even mindless novels make us think. I love reading. Thanks for the review.

    Happy SITS day!

  46. I read this book too and loved it. Although I am not a mum..yet :)…I can understand how you would feel. I think it’s great though that you acknowledge your feelings and it puts you in a position to be able to change things that may not be the way you want them πŸ™‚

    Happy SITS day.

  47. What a wonderful post. It’s all so true – sometimes this is the hardest job in the universe, but it can also be the most rewarding. I’ve read other books by Jennifer Weiner, I think I’ll check this one out! Happy SITS day!

  48. Great post.

  49. Wonderful blog! As I learned long ago…none of us live a “perfect” life and once we walk inside our homes and close the doors we all have something to deal with…except maybe Mariah Carey…I think she has “people” specifically on payroll to deal with things…

  50. Over from SITS . . .great post!

  51. When I had my firstborn and was able to stay at home full-time when she was four months old, I would go on morning walks over to my sister’s house. I would pass by a day care center everyday. I would always feel soooo thankful that I was able to take a walk with my daughter at 10:00 a.m. and get puked on, snotted on, hair pulled, loved on, rocked on….well you get it! I felt blessed…if only I could back and truly enjoy it now that I am getting a good eight hours sleep each night!

  52. Ok – I’m already hooked. I’ll be picking up that book TOMORROW!

  53. Great post! And review, too. I’ve not read anything by this author… going to have to add it to the list of books to check out!

  54. What a great post. I’m a stay-at-home mom 11 years and running. By my calculations, I’ll have all babies in school full day the fall of 2012…but who’s counting?

    I’ve had every single one of those thoughts at some time during my tenure. And in the end, I draw the same conclusion:

    I wouldn’t trade raising my kids for anything. I wouldn’t let someone else do this instead of me, if my life depended on it. I love being my own boss. And when the planets are all in alignment, I get to take a mid-day nap.

    Have a blessed day!
    Sandy Cooper
    http://www.godspeakstoday.blogspot.com

  55. Happy SITS day!

    I love Jennifer Weiner. My favorite of hers is Good in Bed.

    I am a working mom, but I have such respect for Moms who choose to stay home with their babies. I know I couldn’t do it!

  56. Thanks for the great book review! I love hearing of new books to try, since I’m totally a book addict. πŸ™‚ This one sounds good!

  57. I’m a single mom that works full time…but I can still relate. What a wonderful post.

  58. I loved this book and have read several others by Jennifer Weiner. They’ve all been good reads.

  59. Oh My Gosh what a good post!! Thank you so much:) as a first time mom it is sometimes hard to see past the other mom who make things look so perfect

  60. Happy SITS day. You have such a good point here- no Mommy is perfect, but we can all be better if we SHOW eachother that and realize it’s okay.

  61. Happy SITS day!

    I’m going to have to go read that book!

  62. I hope you enjoyed your SITS day – I felt the same day when I read this book –

  63. i will definatly check this out. Love her books.

  64. I loved this book too.

  65. I think i’m going to check out the book and enjoyed your commentary. I am currently have to work out of the home and I know I’m missing out on the little things. But I’m working hard to become a wahm. Hoping it pays off soon.

  66. I love good book recommendations and I’m definitely going to have to check this book out.

  67. I loved what you said about women being honest so that we can keep it real and encourage each other. Congrats!!!!!

  68. Great post! And it’s true…so much more than meets the eye when you look a little deeper into the “perfect” moms…

    Happy SITS day!

    :6) Anna

  69. I couldn’t agree more! I also read Goodnight Nobody and as I read it I kept thinking……I want her house! πŸ™‚