I was wide awake and writing…
In complete awe of all that God has put on my family’s heart and so excited to see all that he does in the next few months (years)!!!
Already I can see (and absolutely love) that it’s completely out of my hands and in the capable hands of God.
He’s keeping me up tonight for a reason, suddenly I’m realizing that.
How easily we revert back to our old ways…as was made apparent to me today.
Today became about me.
Today became about having control.
And all throughout the day, I just felt totally off.
Grumpy, short, tired, impatient…
And while it is my 7 days this month.…STILL.
It’s just not okay.
And so the moment the kids were asleep….I heard Him again,
When I hear those words now, I listen.
I immediately grabbed my prayer journal, and got myself busy talking to Jesus.
He than began to direct my thoughts a different direction, away from my self-centeredness.
And I began remembering the unexpected miracle of my sudden change of heart and desire to homeschool.
I was then reminded of the strong desire I had for my family to learn Spanish as soon as that change took place in our life.
It’s the little things He’s bringing to mind, and I hear him say….
And when I hear that, He reminds me of these last few months.
And because of what He allowed me to struggle with in all the questioning of my faith, it would seem that I have quite a bit of experience in obedience lately.
I can clearly see his Hand all throughout my life.
When you’re focused only on Him, I suppose that happens.
And then He continued to remind me….
..of the foster son we had and loved, and still love.
But knowing it wasn’t time, he wasn’t meant to be ours, and letting him go…
And yet that desire to adopt lingered still.
…of that need inside me to do more, to be used more, to step outside of my comfort zone but not knowing even what that could mean or where to start.
…of the conversations between Jimmy and I over the years, dreaming and hoping to take our children with us one day to do missions work again, only having no idea when, where or how.
And so I pray….again and again.
Releasing the burden of it all, handing it easily now, completely over to Him.
And then tonight, there came to mind a new word.
I have that hope, and all I yearn for now, is to bring it those without any.
I want them to know that even though we aren’t perfect…
It’s the same hope I now have for my family.
Hope that they will love more than anything serving God, obeying God, and even being uncomfortable for God, and finding it to truly be the greatest joy of their lives.
And with that final thought, my eyelids began to feel their weight, and it was then understood just why He had kept me so wide awake.
I needed to be redirected.
I needed to be reminded, again, that this is NOT about me.
And slowly and peacefully…finally I drifted off to sleep,
© 2013 “Le Musings of Moi”