It’s true, and I’ll say it again, A Divided Home is a Happy Home.

Remember awhile back when I talked about cheap therapy, and then I ranted and raved about marriage and family therapist, Shelby Riley? (If you’re new, you can read it here) Well, I decided to put into practice one of her e-books, 10 Weeks to Increased Intimacy and Connection.

It was time, given all this “embrace your role” crap that’s been going around.

We finally scheduled a meeting for this weekend, and hashed out assignment one. Chores & Responsibilities.

And whew, can I just say, I am now a happy woman?

The big thing that we came to agreement on before anything was that simply caring for the kids is a full time job. That alone is equivalent to the 40 hours at his job. So, in both knowing that, it was decided that all the chores and responsibilities are extra, and NOT included in our “jobs.” (read: MY job.) So, um, ya…really glad we got clear on that.

After that was written in stone and tattooed on his forehead, we sat down and collectively wrote out all the chores and responsibilities of the home, from cooking to trash to paying the bills. Then, per Shelby’s suggestion, we rated each chore based on how much time or how hard it was. Such as, trash got one star for being easy, vacuuming got four.

Are you getting the picture here?

Once everything was listed and rated, we then went through and picked the things we didn’t mind doing. After that, we divided up the rest based on points and did our best to make our list (according to point value) even. In the end, he had 15 points worth of chores and I had 17. (I’m going to resist being a martyr here.)

Also, let the record show that he chose cooking from the list. HE CHOSE IT. Willingly and on his own. In fact, let the record show once more, I even offered to take 2 nights a week.

You see, I am beginning to grasp this whole…wait what was that word again? Starts with a “c?” Hmm, oh well, it’s lost on me at the moment.  Ooooh, compromise…that’s right.

But then he asked what I was planning on cooking those nights, and when I responded spaghetti or tuna melts, he decided it was a chore he was willing to accept responsibility for.

So, there you go. We divided up our list, we printed it out and put it on the refrigerator, and now we have a happy home. We parted ways agreeing on meeting again about this in two months to see how our loads are, and to see if there needs to be any changes.

Like I said, A Divided Home is a Happy Home. You should try it.

Life is good, I’m not cooking, and that’s that.

Next week is Assignment Two: Prioritize Your Values and Live Intentionally. (Like, I value not having to cook?)

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

Time for my Wednesday Randomness:

I was just days away from being sent my payment from Google AdSense, yet I just received an email stating that my account was disabled due to risk to the advertisers. Now, I have no idea what that means, and of course there is no contact information to have my questions answered. Did I mention I was just about to be paid? Coincidence? Come on now. I’m just saying. My advice to all you bloggers who have AdSense…take it off and stop making them money that you will never see. I know it’s happened to the best of us, and apparently it’s all over the AdSense forums…so I’m jumping on the boycotting bandwagon as well.  Read this article to see how Google was sued and the guy won!

Blogversations this coming Saturday…Remember in elementary school when we had circle time? And during circle time we got to bring something to show off to our friends? Show & Tell?

Ya, that’s the idea. Take that and go from there. No video? I’ll make another exception. But you have to at least take a picture…and you have to attempt to video next time. Those are my rules and I’m sticking to them.

In case my previous post caused any confusion, I was being slightly sarcastic when I said my sister saved my marriage. To be clear, I have a great marriage. I just don’t like being asked to cook. It felt like the end of the world being asked and so in good Summer fashion, I exaggerated. Sarcasm + Exaggeration = Confused Readers. I love my husband, love my marriage, hate cooking…..working on compromising. There, that about settles that.

American Idol is boring me. Just give the trophy to Danny and lets move on already.

I adore America’s Next Top Model. But, how is it that Tyra scares me more than Miss Jay? And blood girl, what??? Seriously, if I wasn’t “too old” to be on the 5’7 and under season, I would so apply.

Dancing with the Stars? I’m watching this for the first time. Why? Because I need Melissa to win. So that, together, we can show Jason that we’re better off without him. Hmmmph. But, then I’m conflicted because I want Steve-O to do well so that he’s able to build up his self esteem. You know, for his sobriety. I have quite a vested interest in that you know. I mean, I did read his blogs while in rehab. While HE was in rehab…to be clear…again.

And lastly….

Ellen.

Oh Ellen.

My friend and fellow blogger Mama Kat has been talking (obsessing) about her for some time. And although, I think her comedy is hilarious, I’ve never really watched her show. But, I did tune in when she brought through the characters from The Bachelor last week. And suddenly, I understood.

Sweet Ellen.

She makes me laugh. Out loud. And at times, I’m lauging so hard I cry. And when I’m home all day with the kids, that laugh is just what I need.

So Kathy, I understand your crush now.

In fact, you might even have some competition.*

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

I should tell Jimmy to send Malia a thank you note.

Because what was once the sister who locked me outside in the rain, is now the sister with the deep thoughts and solid advice. I think releasing your anger in childhood does something for your sense of peace as an adult. I should have learned from her….

Anyway, we’ve talked a lot about my issues in being a housewife. We have similar personalities in that we are both strong and independent. We are women, hear us roar.

But, in having the advantage of being on the outside of my marriage, she read my blog and then decided that I really needed her advice. (she’s right, I always do.)

Then she spoke of some word she called, “compromise.” Compromise? What is this “compromise” that she speaks of? It sounded like another language to me. Huh?

So, she tried her best to give me some examples of how that might work out, and some of them actually sounded quite manageable. See, she suggested. First she validated my feelings, agreed that of course I’m right, but then she suggested some ideas. She’s good. Jimmy should take some notes.

And so, Jimmy and I are scheduling a “meeting” this upcoming weekend to discuss the roles and responsibilities of our home. We’ll be picking and choosing and discussing. Oh yes, it will be so fun. And though, I will NEVER be the kind that cooks every night…there might be a thing called compromise happening.

So, thanks Malia. Without your deep thoughts, where would we be?

You may very well have saved our marriage.

I am so not perfect. Um…just in case any of you thought otherwise.

You see, I have this rebelliousness issue. Ask my mom. Ask my best friends. Especially ask my husband.

It’s mostly that I tend to rebel against the status quo. I can’t stand “typical,” and I strive to be anything but. I just always have. And I think it would take years of deep (costly) therapy to find the underlying reasons why.

I also hate being told how to be, what to do, and how things should be done. It makes me want to, well rebel. To do the exact opposite.

I want to prove that I am my own person. That I am in charge of me, and that I will do things my way, thank you very much.

I’m a tricky one. I love hearing other people’s opinions. I relish in the wisdom of those I admire. But, it has to be given to me in such a certain way. In the way of sharing, not telling. Especially not in the way of demanding.

I once broke up with a guy because he told me he wanted the life of the typical American Dream. He would work, his wife would stay home cooking dinner, tending to the house, and taking care of the kids…all the while surrounded by a white picket fence. I freaked and ran the opposite direction.

Right into the arms of Jimmy, who seemingly loved my rebellious ways. I was not shy about being very clear about who I was.

On our first date, I stuck my gum under the table. On our second date, I talked about poop. On our third date, I told him I hated cooking and that I never wanted to be “that” kind of housewife. With each rebellious confession, he got more and more googly eyed at me, and two months later he proposed.

Five years later, I’m a stay at home mom with two kids.

Okay, so yes, I’ve always wanted to be home with my kids. I have always known this and would tell anybody who would listen. It’s just that I wanted to do it on my terms. And though I love being with my kids, I feel a bit rebellious at times. I just can’t handle that I’ve fallen into “typical.” (Not that typical’s bad….it’s just that it’s uncomfortable for me.)

So maybe that’s why I don’t want to cook. Just so that there is something that separates me from the status quo. Or maybe not cooking makes me feel like I have some say in how I do things as a “housewife.” Or maybe it’s as simple as I hate cooking. Who knows.

I don’t know what the issue is. I just know that I want to be home with my kids. I want to raise them and love them and not miss a single moment of their everyday lives. Complain as I will, I love it. But, does the job have to come with cooking? Is it so wrong to want part of the job but not the other half?

Is this kind of a life working for other people?

Is it possible to be a stay at home mom without being a housewife?

Or am I just a rebel without a cause?