blogversations topic & other random thoughts

Blogversations…
So, given that this is the last weekend of the month, Blogversations is a freebie. You get to choose what to “vlog” about. Be creative, be cute, have fun. 
Also, from now on, I’m going to be giving the topic for Blogversations for the next week on Saturdays, instead of Wednesdays. Hope that’s cool.
Now, onto other stuff.
Books…
I have some books to read. I am just finishing one that is really making me thing about things. It’s good though, and I’m feeling challenged to say the least. But more about that later…I’m working on a post to explain just how much I ADORE this book.
Along with finishing that one, I also have a pile. A serious pile calling my name.
So, I am going to try to stay focused. I’m going to follow Super Nanny by creating a schedule for my days so that I can stay focused and get some important things done. Like Reading. Ha. Did you think I was going to say taking care of the kids? 
The no cooking thing…
Also, week 1 is down and I have to report, Chores and Responsibilities went extremely well between the man and I. There was no nagging. Our house looks clean and picked up, and we are happy happy happy.  And when I say we, I really mean me.  And when I say happy, I mean I’m still not having to cook.  Yes, all is right with the world.  Ahhhh…..
Show & Tell update…
I have something else many of you need to know. A couple weeks ago during the Show & Tell Blogversations, I shared how to make a Swank Holder. What I failed to mention was that you need to buy tulle like fabric. It’s the fabric with the tiny little holes. Not tulle exactly, but similar. That way, the earrings can poke through.
Saving your kids from therapy…

Click on the fishies above or here if you guys want to save your kids from needing therapy later in their life.  Being a mom is one of the most important, if not the most important thing we will ever do.  Fishful thinking is a way to help us discover tips that will allow us to build more positive and optimistic little people to send out into the world.  The website has all kinds of articles, quizzes, and other tips that will rock your world.  
I can’t afford therapy for two kids, and this is free, so I’m all about it.
Okay, now I think that about covers it.
So excuse me, I have some deep thinking and reading to get to.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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blogversation topic & Q&A about the chores

Long enough title?
Anyway, first things first.  Blogversations this week is a Talent Show.  It can be yours, your spouse’s, your kid’s, your animals….whatever.  Just show off some talent.  Make it good.
Okay, now onto more pressing matters.  It seems my post on Monday struck a chord with a lot of you, and I got a ton of emails asking for more details.  So, I just decided I’d take those questions and answer them here, because I’m too lazy to answer the same question a bunch of times.  =)  You appreciate the honesty, right?
1.  How detailed did we get in listing out the chores?  I would say quite detailed.  Our list covered dishes, cleaning the kitchen, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, cooking, paying the bills, toilets, trash, bathrooms (meaning counters and shower)…etc.  Basically everything besides caring for the kids.  We even added in each persons laundry individually, garage & backyard cleaning (kicking out the spiders and webs kind of stuff.)  I would think you should be as detailed as possible so that there isn’t anything left unassigned, so that way, nothing can be argued over later.
2.  How do you deal if he doesn’t do it the way you want it done or in the time that you want it done?  How did you decide what got 4 stars and what got 1?:  Okay, so these questions go together because of how we developed our own personal rating system.  After we wrote out all the chores and responsibilites, we then went through each one and decided how often each one needed to be done.  And for some, we even designated certain days they had to be done.  Like trash, he picked Tuesday and Friday’s to take it out.  Once we had each job assigned to how often and when, we then took that into consideration when doing the rating.  A job like dishes which has to be done daily and is a bit time consuming, got more stars.  Soooo…..all that to say, when we chose our chores we were accepting the responsibilities of getting them done within the time frame we agreed on. 
Make sense?
Really, I highly recommend Shelby’s e-book.  She lays it out so well, from how to go about the meetings to what specifically you should be talking about.
And so, that about covers it, I think.  Now, let’s all go and be divided!
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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a divided home is a happy home

It’s true, and I’ll say it again, A Divided Home is a Happy Home.
Remember awhile back when I talked about cheap therapy, and then I ranted and raved about marriage and family therapist, Shelby Riley? (If you’re new, you can read it here) Well, I decided to put into practice one of her e-books, 10 Weeks to Increased Intimacy and Connection.
It was time, given all this “embrace your role” crap that’s been going around.
We finally scheduled a meeting for this weekend, and hashed out assignment one. Chores & Responsibilities.
And whew, can I just say, I am now a happy woman?
The big thing that we came to agreement on before anything was that simply caring for the kids is a full time job. That alone is equivalent to the 40 hours at his job. So, in both knowing that, it was decided that all the chores and responsibilities are extra, and NOT included in our “jobs.” (read: MY job.) So, um, ya…really glad we got clear on that.
After that was written in stone and tattooed on his forehead, we sat down and collectively wrote out all the chores and responsibilities of the home, from cooking to trash to paying the bills. Then, per Shelby’s suggestion, we rated each chore based on how much time or how hard it was. Such as, trash got one star for being easy, vacuuming got four.
Are you getting the picture here?
Once everything was listed and rated, we then went through and picked the things we didn’t mind doing. After that, we divided up the rest based on points and did our best to make our list (according to point value) even. In the end, he had 15 points worth of chores and I had 17. (I’m going to resist being a martyr here.)
Also, let the record show that he chose cooking from the list. HE CHOSE IT. Willingly and on his own. In fact, let the record show once more, I even offered to take 2 nights a week.
You see, I am beginning to grasp this whole…wait what was that word again? Starts with a “c?” Hmm, oh well, it’s lost on me at the moment.  Ooooh, compromise…that’s right.
But then he asked what I was planning on cooking those nights, and when I responded spaghetti or tuna melts, he decided it was a chore he was willing to accept responsibility for.
So, there you go. We divided up our list, we printed it out and put it on the refrigerator, and now we have a happy home. We parted ways agreeing on meeting again about this in two months to see how our loads are, and to see if there needs to be any changes.
Like I said, A Divided Home is a Happy Home. You should try it.
Life is good, I’m not cooking, and that’s that.
Next week is Assignment Two: Prioritize Your Values and Live Intentionally. (Like, I value not having to cook?)
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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google adsense, blogversations and reality tv

Time for my Wednesday Randomness:
First things first:
I was just days away from being sent my payment from Google AdSense, yet I just received an email stating that my account was disabled due to risk to the advertisers. Now, I have no idea what that means, and of course there is no contact information to have my questions answered. Did I mention I was just about to be paid? Coincidence? Come on now. I’m just saying. My advice to all you bloggers who have AdSense…take it off and stop making them money that you will never see. I know it’s happened to the best of us, and apparently it’s all over the AdSense forums…so I’m jumping on the boycotting bandwagon as well.  Read this article to see how Google was sued and the guy won!
On to happier things:
Blogversations this coming Saturday…Remember in elementary school when we had circle time? And during circle time we got to bring something to show off to our friends? Show & Tell?
Ya, that’s the idea. Take that and go from there. No video? I’ll make another exception. But you have to at least take a picture…and you have to attempt to video next time. Those are my rules and I’m sticking to them.
Now about making things clear:
In case my previous post caused any confusion, I was being slightly sarcastic when I said my sister saved my marriage. To be clear, I have a great marriage. I just don’t like being asked to cook. It felt like the end of the world being asked and so in good Summer fashion, I exaggerated. Sarcasm + Exaggeration = Confused Readers. I love my husband, love my marriage, hate cooking…..working on compromising. There, that about settles that.
And now to make the rest of you happy:

American Idol is boring me. Just give the trophy to Danny and lets move on already.

I adore America’s Next Top Model. But, how is it that Tyra scares me more than Miss Jay? And blood girl, what??? Seriously, if I wasn’t “too old” to be on the 5’7 and under season, I would so apply.

Dancing with the Stars? I’m watching this for the first time. Why? Because I need Melissa to win. So that, together, we can show Jason that we’re better off without him. Hmmmph. But, then I’m conflicted because I want Steve-O to do well so that he’s able to build up his self esteem. You know, for his sobriety. I have quite a vested interest in that you know. I mean, I did read his blogs while in rehab. While HE was in rehab…to be clear…again.
And lastly….

Ellen.
Oh Ellen.
My friend and fellow blogger Mama Kat has been talking (obsessing) about her for some time. And although, I think her comedy is hilarious, I’ve never really watched her show. But, I did tune in when she brought through the characters from The Bachelor last week. And suddenly, I understood.
Sweet Ellen.
She makes me laugh. Out loud. And at times, I’m lauging so hard I cry. And when I’m home all day with the kids, that laugh is just what I need.
So Kathy, I understand your crush now.
In fact, you might even have some competition.*

*Kidding…I’m kidding. She’s all yours. Please still be my friend. Let’s go shopping.*
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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sister saves marriage

I should tell Jimmy to send Malia a thank you note.
Because what was once the sister who locked me outside in the rain, is now the sister with the deep thoughts and solid advice. I think releasing your anger in childhood does something for your sense of peace as an adult. I should have learned from her….
Anyway, we’ve talked a lot about my issues in being a housewife. We have similar personalities in that we are both strong and independent. We are women, hear us roar.
But, in having the advantage of being on the outside of my marriage, she read my blog and then decided that I really needed her advice. (she’s right, I always do.)
Then she spoke of some word she called, “compromise.” Compromise? What is this “compromise” that she speaks of? It sounded like another language to me. Huh?
So, she tried her best to give me some examples of how that might work out, and some of them actually sounded quite manageable. See, she suggested. First she validated my feelings, agreed that of course I’m right, but then she suggested some ideas. She’s good. Jimmy should take some notes.
And so, Jimmy and I are scheduling a “meeting” this upcoming weekend to discuss the roles and responsibilities of our home. We’ll be picking and choosing and discussing. Oh yes, it will be so fun. And though, I will NEVER be the kind that cooks every night…there might be a thing called compromise happening.
So, thanks Malia. Without your deep thoughts, where would we be?
You may very well have saved our marriage.


© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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rebel with(out?) a cause

I am so not perfect. Um…just in case any of you thought otherwise.
You see, I have this rebelliousness issue. Ask my mom. Ask my best friends. Especially ask my husband.
It’s mostly that I tend to rebel against the status quo. I can’t stand “typical,” and I strive to be anything but. I just always have. And I think it would take years of deep (costly) therapy to find the underlying reasons why.
I also hate being told how to be, what to do, and how things should be done. It makes me want to, well rebel. To do the exact opposite.
I want to prove that I am my own person. That I am in charge of me, and that I will do things my way, thank you very much.
I’m a tricky one. I love hearing other people’s opinions. I relish in the wisdom of those I admire. But, it has to be given to me in such a certain way. In the way of sharing, not telling. Especially not in the way of demanding.
I once broke up with a guy because he told me he wanted the life of the typical American Dream. He would work, his wife would stay home cooking dinner, tending to the house, and taking care of the kids…all the while surrounded by a white picket fence. I freaked and ran the opposite direction.
Right into the arms of Jimmy, who seemingly loved my rebellious ways. I was not shy about being very clear about who I was.
On our first date, I stuck my gum under the table. On our second date, I talked about poop. On our third date, I told him I hated cooking and that I never wanted to be “that” kind of housewife. With each rebellious confession, he got more and more googly eyed at me, and two months later he proposed.
Five years later, I’m a stay at home mom with two kids.
Okay, so yes, I’ve always wanted to be home with my kids. I have always known this and would tell anybody who would listen. It’s just that I wanted to do it on my terms. And though I love being with my kids, I feel a bit rebellious at times. I just can’t handle that I’ve fallen into “typical.” (Not that typical’s bad….it’s just that it’s uncomfortable for me.)
So maybe that’s why I don’t want to cook. Just so that there is something that separates me from the status quo. Or maybe not cooking makes me feel like I have some say in how I do things as a “housewife.” Or maybe it’s as simple as I hate cooking. Who knows.
I don’t know what the issue is. I just know that I want to be home with my kids. I want to raise them and love them and not miss a single moment of their everyday lives. Complain as I will, I love it. But, does the job have to come with cooking? Is it so wrong to want part of the job but not the other half?
Is this kind of a life working for other people?
Is it possible to be a stay at home mom without being a housewife?
Or am I just a rebel without a cause?

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

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the look

A little background.
I am a stay at home mom. I have a 3.5 year old and a 3 month old. I love them and I love that I get to be home with them. I also do my best to keep up the house, do everybody’s laundry, shower, work out, write, work part time for HurryDate, blah blah blah.
The story of every housewife. Right?
Anyway, both my kids were sick last week which kept me quarantined to my house and unable to see adults, the sun, or a shopping mall. Ya, it was tough. Really tough. I mean, sniff, I barely made it through….
So, today I got dressed. I did my hair and I put on my favorite mascara. I even wore my new gray boots. And I left my man with both kids and took off. My big outing? A one year old’s birthday party. Once there I realized the opportunity I had before me. I was out of the house without kids! I had makeup and cute clothes on! And I was at a birthday party??? With kids??? It was Noah though, and he’s worth it for sure. I mean, he’s betrothed to my daughter, so it’s more like a family function.
Anyway.
After I left the party I called Jimmy to check in. I had only been gone an hour.
Me: Hey babe, how are things?
Him: When are you coming home? Taylor isn’t asleep yet and Chloe is crying. I thought today was going to be a relaxing day and it’s not turning out that way. Grump, grump, grump…..” (he went on, but I tuned out. Thanks dad for that useful skill!)
Me: Okay then, be home later. Bye.
Somehow instead of driving home though, my car took me to Ross. And then an hour and a cute purse later, I unknowingly ended up at Marshalls as well. It was weird. I mean, I wanted to go home, but just couldn’t fight the force. And time was just flying by. Purses, shoes, and clothes, OH MY!
Flash forward a few hours after putting Tay to bed.
Him: I feel like I’m about to flip out. I can’t handle anymore of the whining! I mean it’s been all day, and then taking care of Chloe and the house. I mean, I am going to lose it. I really am.
Me:
Have I mentioned that he hates that look?
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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fashion makes me happy

I spent date night on the couch with my laptop. Tay was at his Nana & Papa’s and we were going to see a movie. Then I made a huge mistake. Jimmy, in all his glory, has been making an effort to cook (crockpot) healthy dinners for the last few nights. I don’t cook. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I can microwave though. Love that. And I’m good at it. Anyway, back to Jimmy. It doesn’t always need to be about me…
Um, yes it does. Who am I kidding?
Long story short, I didn’t make a big enough deal about his efforts. I didn’t cartwheel and do a cheer spelling B-A-N-A-N-A-S. And the big whoops is that I didn’t offer to take over his efforts because I was so inspired. I do not rock. Date night was ruined. It was just me and my Mac.
But my trusty Mac came through, and I spent the evening in bliss. Fashion Blogs. Ugh. Heaven. I love them, I love them, I love them.
In my dark days there are different things I need at different times. Sometimes I need a good dose of reality tv. Other times I need a lot of inspirational reading. But, apparently last night I needed fashion. And now I’m happy.
Here were my happy places:
….love Maegan (love her blog, fashion posts or not)
Okay, now I’m off to go practice my cartwheels while listening to Gwen Stefani. B-A-N-A-N-A-S! I want dinner tonight. If this is what it takes, so be it.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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things that make ya go "hmmmmm….."

Proverbs 21:9

It’s better to stay outside on the roof of your house than to live inside with a nagging wife.

I will not nag, I will not nag.
But just in case he decides to read this, or a friend of his does and wants to tell him, or somehow one of you can get it to him…
then you know, it’s not really nagging.
Although, if he was living on the roof, and I was inside, then my house would stay clean. “Hmmm….”
There are dirty dishes in the sink. The dishwasher is dirty. “Hmmm…..”
There is a laundry basket in the bedroom. There are dirty clothes on the floor right next to the basket. “Hmmm….”
The trash can is full. It is overflowing. It runneth over. He says we need a bigger trash can. I say he needs to take out the trash more than once a week. “Hmmm….”
There are a pair of shoes in every room. I can’t find a single pair in his closet. “Hmmm….”
He says his New Years Resolution is to become more clean and organized. Yesterday was the first day of the New Year. He played Wii all day. But, in his defense he said he was in deep thought about how to put his resolution into action, you know, tomorrow.
I say, “Hmmm….”
I will not nag, I will not nag.
To be continued…

© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”

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what I’m dealing with:

My life right now includes the following:
*A man with a cold. Careful people. It seems the world may be ending according to my husband. It certainly feels that way for me.
*A preschooler who stayed in bed for 5 days in a row. (Update on that later, when I’ve regained my sense of humor about the whole thing….) And yet now, on the day Jimmy gets sick, his winning streak ends. Gone is the pillow. Gone is the blanket. Gone gone gone is the bedtime fairy who has been leaving treats for him when he stays in bed. (Thanks other Summer!)
But the worst of it all? I’m dealing with:
*A mom (okay, it’s me!) dealing with a man cold and a looney preschooler. A mom on little sleep who has no chocolate in the entire house because there are still ten more pounds to be lost.
Did I mention, gone is the sanity?
Thank the Lord for Chloe. (Not playing favorites here….but I’m just sayin…)
We girls, we just have a way about us, you know? How is it the girls are normal and the guys in this house are losing it?
Hmmmm, and they say we’re high maintenance?
© 2008 “Le Musings of Moi”
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