3 truths to remember when you just don’t feel “enough”

be warned.  sometimes i know exactly what i’m going to write and I edit away to make it just so.  this is not one of those posts.  i have thoughts and feelings and issues and i need to just start typing.  breathing.  thinking.  Not sure how this ends, but i know I need to just go….

~~~~~~~

I used to want to be a writer.
I used to think writing would fulfill my purpose, and that through my words I would make a difference and my life would have meaning.

I used to want to be a wife.
I was sure that getting married would be that thing, that one event, that would make everything perfect. I would be chosen and loved and adored, and all those angsty deep longings to be pursued would finally be fulfilled.

I used to want to be mommy.
There was no other job in the world I could think of to do, other than being a stay at home mom. I dreamt of the unconditional love my children and I would experience together, the connection we would share, and how it would all just be, right.  For once, I would be needed.  I would be someones favorite.  I’d finally be complete.

 

 

All these years later when I sit with my desires and longings and expectations…
and really begin to reflect on them, I can easily see that they are all something I have put in place of God.

I go to my blog, my YouTube channel, social media, my marriage, and even to my children, and I ask myself the one very important question I have turning around inside my soul…
“Am I enough?”

On the good days, I feel worthy.
My views are up, the connections are there, my husband says and does the right things and my children’s behavior makes me look oh so goo-ood.
On those days?
Oh ya, I am enough.

But then there are the bad days, where I am absolutely sure I am nothing but a complete failure.
I realize I’m struggling to grow my blog, there doesn’t seem to be a connection, my husband shows his humanness, and my kids fight and scream and disobey over and over and over again, and I look oh so very not together.
On those days?
Oh, I am never enough.

It’s a roller coaster I ride each day, allowing the events around me to determine “me,” and it’s no wonder I’m ill with the constant up and downs of all that I experience and see.

I find myself dissatisfied with my blog and my writing, because it’s not “as successful as….”
I find myself unhappy in my marriage and as a mother, because none of it is matching up to my “dreams, hopes, and expectations.”

And I stew.
And I begin to dwell on all that I deserve and think I should have instead, and I settle in quite nicely with the lies and disfunction swirling around there in my head.

But, here’s where living out loud works for me, I suppose.
Because things don’t stay in my head long, and in a way that’s a good thing because it allows certain ones in my life to call me out and speak some truth into my warped little mind.

And here are the truths that I keep hearing…
The truths that are working their way to my brain, and prayerfully soon into my heart and soul.

 

Truth #1: WE ARE ENOUGH

I am enough because God created me.
He thought especially of me.
And despite what’s happening with everyone else around me, I can never be displaced.
His plan for me remains His plan for me.
And no matter how big or little it may be, it is perfect.
Because it’s HIS.
For me.

 

TRUTH #2: NOTHING WILL EVER MAKE US FEEL ENOUGH

My writing, views and comments, my marriage and my kids…none of these things will ever make me feel enough, even if I somehow reached “the top.”

Because reaching the top doesn’t mean it’s because I was enough and the others who didn’t weren’t.

{that is so tough for me to grasp. i feel i’m not “there” because i’m not worthy. and those who are, are. and yet, I know that is just not God’s way.}

Here’s the truth, nothing will ever be enough until the day I fully understand that I am looking to all the wrong places and all the wrong people to find my value.

And when that connection clicks, I know I will enjoy writing again because it’s what He has placed in my heart to do…for however few or however many.
And that will be enough.

• Success doesn’t make us enough.
• And a lack of it doesn’t mean we aren’t.

When I grasp all this, I can appreciate my husband and enjoy my marriage because the pressure of perfection and self-fulfillment will be gone.
And instead I will see the blessings and the goodness, because what my husband does or doesn’t do, doesn’t mean I’m enough…or not enough.

And being a mother will become more of a joy and a blessing, because I’ll know that their mistakes and attitudes don’t define my worthiness.
I won’t take it personal, because I’ll have finally taken ME out of it.

 

TOUGH TRUTH #3>>>>WE ARE NOT WORTHY ON OUR OWN

The truth is….
I’m not worthy.
I’m not enough.

Not on my own.

But when Jesus took his first baby breath, and lived to walk in my shoes, and was then betrayed and beaten and nailed to a cross…because of and despite me…I became worthy.

I’m not enough or worthy because of what I’ve done, or could ever do or accomplish or experience.

I am only enough and worthy because of Him and what He chose to do for me.

So knowing that, why then has it been SO hard to turn from all the other things and relationships in my life, and instead find my value through the only ONE who will ever be able to truly fulfill me?

You guys, that is my lesson.
This is my journey.

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!