in the closet getting uncomfortable

September 10, 2013

I’m in my closet.
And it’s well after one in the morning…when my house is silent and all I hear is the quiet hum of my laptop and the comforting tapping of the keyboard.

This next week must be full of intentional prayers.
I realize this as I sit crosslegged among my shoes, trying to quiet my mind and release my grip.
My mind is full.

Looking only at Him seems impossible with the noise, the tasks, my fleshly desires, hurts, confusion and “plans…”
and then there’s always the overwhelming feeling of being mediocre…of failing and continually falling short.

Do you feel like this too?

And I know…the more I go along this path that He has me on, the slower it will be when I make it all about me.
But sometimes….being selfish sounds so nice.
And yet, deep in my soul, I know it’s not.
Selfish hurts people.

And there is my battle.

wrong way

More and more quickly I realize, I have to stop and drop it all, and literally get on my knees before Him.

It seems old fashioned.
And it’s definitely uncomfortable.
But so is God.

We must grasp that!
Our God is old fashioned and His ways can absolutely uncomfortable…
And so has He called us to be.

We are blessed though, that if we allow Him in, in all of the discomfort…
there is comfort.

This week, I will stop.
I will surrender.
I will do my best to look only at Him and lay it all down.

Again.
And again.

This is my battle.
And it’s getting uncomfortable.

You?

© 2013 “Le Musings of Moi”

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Comments

  1. Wes Brandy McClain says:
    September 11, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Nice to be reminded that I am not alone in my constant battle to stay afloat…I go periods of time feeling so close to God and then poof its like I never knew him and I hate the person that I become when this happens..selfish,critical, dissatisfied with life. Shockingly..I have had a hard time connecting with other women in this journey.. so my support system when it comes to faith is more then lacking..I find myself shying away from women my age that appear to have it all together spiritually because I feel very intimidated and think if they get to know the real me they would be appalled! ( I go days sometimes weeks not even opening my bible) and then other ladies I meet have no desire for God and so her I am somewhere in between..desiring something real with God that lasts from day to day not dependent on my mood…

    Although I know others struggle with this too it was nice to read your words and thoughts on your own journey 🙂

    • Summer says:
      September 18, 2013 at 7:42 am

      And that is exactly the thing!!!! There is no perfect put together anyone. They are just extra good at hiding. But we are coming out of the closet, learning to do better and then we’ll encourage others do the same!!!!

  2. rebeccajo says:
    September 11, 2013 at 4:26 pm

    I don’t think God ever wants us comfortable – does he? 🙂 Then we’re not reaching further – doing more…

  3. Kristina Kavanaugh says:
    September 19, 2013 at 3:29 am

    Yes this I can relate too over and over again. Worth the struggle though (: