the homeschooling mirror


I thought for sure I began homeschooling simply for my kids.
There were so many reasons and I knew there would be so many benefits.

I had no idea that in the process there would be a gigantic mirror held up to my heart showing me all the “junk” I had hanging around in there.

There was a day about a week ago when I reached my limit.
I had homeschooled long enough relying on my own strength, and God allowed me to crash and burn.

My spirit was broken and I knew it was time to submit to God’s way.

There was brokenness, but the brokenness was what finally lead me to repentance.
And I realized God absolutely called me to homeschool for now, He just never called me to do it on my own.

Not only do I need to rely on Him….

…I also need support.
From my husband.
From other homeschooling moms.
From my friends.

And thankfully He has blessed me with such incredible and supportive friends.
Ones that homeschool, and even ones who don’t.
Ones who listen and support me and challenge me.
Ones who understand my free time/social life is limited and make adjustments to see me anyway. 
One who stand by my side and pray for me and tell me I’m still doing a good job…
….even when I’m certain I’m not.
They have been my reminders from God letting me know yes, I’m human and sometimes fail, but even in that, I am still loved.
How grateful I am for those anchors.
They remind me there is still redemption.

But mostly, I need to remember I can’t get through a DAY without HIM leading it right from the start.

I’m not perfect.
I have to take lots of deep breaths.
I have to say a lot of “I’m sorry’s.”  “Mommy’s mess up too.” And “Will you please forgive me’s?”

We pray together.
A lot.

We have to in order to get through it all.

But even on the hardest days I don’t doubt this calling for a moment.
(ok truth. i do in SOME moments, but they’re fleeting.)

It is for me.
For my babies.
For my family.
For my relationship with the Lord.

It’s all these reasons and more.

I take it day by day….
And He carries me through.

If only I remember to let him.

© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”

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