here i am, send me

the last journal entry from my missions trip to the DR with Childrens Heritage Foundation

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Sometimes there is no running water.

And when there is, it sprays the coldest water my body has ever met.

Sometimes there are bugs and mosquitoes and heat that feels hotter than any sauna I’ve ever been in.
I never knew I could sleep so little, sweat so much and feel so filthy and dirty.
And yet, cold water, no water, sweaty and dirty….I am home.

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I have found that joy and peace I’ve so longed for. 
And I get to experience that with my son by my side.
I long to experience it with my entire family one day as well.

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{taylor sharing the resurrection story all on his own.}

Simply by setting aside the comforts and busyness and selfishness of my life, and taking the time to remember,
“It’s not about me….” 
I found peace.

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I was not created to serve myself and my own needs and desires. 

I have been living that life, and I haven’t been fulfilled. 
I have that life, and still I’ve longed for joy.
And yet here I am.  
Dirty.  
Sticky.  
Uncomfortable.  
And in the midst of all that, I am at peace.  
The tears they fall, but I am content. 
I can live without hot showers and the latest makeup trends…because I am at peace. 

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hangdangson


I am living out exactly what God has called me to be.  
I am walking in His perfect will, and it feels incredibly right. 
I am home.

So, where do I go from here, Lord?
Which of all these swirling feelings and plans are from you, and how will You use me?
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I desire to travel wherever you call me and hear the stories.
Experience the stories…
And then share the stories through my writing, so they too can know…
so they too can go and make a change in whatever way you are calling them.

I know, without a doubt, you have called me.

And yet I feel so inadequate.
But, this has to be my life.
I can’t go back and be comfortable knowing what I know, having seen what I’ve seen.

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So, here I am Lord.
Unworthy.
Unequipped.
Yet willing.
Send me.

© 2013 “Le Musings of Moi”

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