nobody knows me

I’ve been blogging for five years.
Weekly, I make an effort to sit and write and share my heart, thoughts and life.

In the five years of writing, many other bloggers I know have made it.
There have been book deals.
Contracts with big name brands.
An income to replace a full time job.
I mean, they are all kind of a big deal.
People know their names.
And they have many leather bound books.
{anchorman.}

And while I’m not there so much, I feel proud of where I’ve come, especially in light of how I began.
I’ve been given the amazing opportunity to share my voice on the Mommalogues, on SheKnows Love & Marriage, allParenting and even RooMag with my sweet friend Candace and other incredible christian writers.

But the truth is, when I attend blog conferences…nobody knows who I am.

And it’s okay, because my journey seems to be so different than so many others.

I will likely never be where they are.
I don’t know even how to use Google Analytics.
I don’t know by heart how many Facebook or Twitter followers I have.
I barely just learned HOW to use Twitter correctly for that matter.  (is tweetdeck still the thing?)
And as soon as I figured out Feedburner (a month ago), I am now hearing rumors that it’s shutting down.

I’m trying to create a media kit, but find myself so confused as to what numbers I need to give or even what they mean….and so I save it half finished for another day.

I go through waves of feeling like I must keep up….I must learn it all.
I must go to every conference!
And then make sure every one I meet knows my name and my “brand.”

I think that I better get a logo created, comment more and market more and reach out more and know more terms that bloggers use, and tweet more and twitter party more, and and and….

And my brain sizzles out.

I’ve never been good at sales.
And it’s totally the same with my blog.

I want people to read and hang out and I want to get to know everyone who comes here.
I want to know how we’re alike and different, and share our stories and feel less alone in all of this.

But my sales tactic is more like this:

Oh so you want some of this, Yay!  Read every day!  Comment lots so we can get to know each other! Subscribe!  Because you know, that’s what bloggers and YouTubers say is super important.  But mostly, please just read.  And love me.

No?  Oh, okay.  Ya, that’s totally cool, I mean if it’s not your thing, no worries…. You don’t like to comment?  You don’t like brown hair?  Totally get it….it’s okay…no really, it’s okay.  No pressure.

I guess I’ve just come to the place where I’m letting all that go more and more.
The needing to do it all to succeed.

I realize there is some work behind writing and blogging and creating community.
I’m willing to do that work.

But my greatest love is writing, not being popular.
My love is creating a place where people feel less alone in what they’re dealing with, even if the only person experiencing that…
is me.

So forgive me if I don’t do it like the rest.
I guess that’s just me.

I don’t fit a mold.
I never have.
I have just always felt safer sitting on the outside

And I hope you’ll visit me here…and if not…

…that’s cool.
Totally get it.

© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”

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