unglued

“People bump into your happy, and you become unglued.”

~~~~~~~
It was Friday evening and I was snuggled up beside Jimmy where I always find safety in my difficult moments.
In this moment my heart was burdened and I couldn’t quite figure out why.
While I shared my discontent, he sweetly listened and thoughtfully asked questions trying to find the cause..and yet nothing he offered really seemed to fit.
The truth was, when I was honest with myself, I already knew the problem…
I just didn’t know how to fix it.
Tearfully I finally admitted….
“It’s just that I’m just so far from the woman I know God wants me to be.  I desire so badly to be that person, and yet every single day I feel as though I fail so miserably.  And I just get so tired from trying and treading water, and yet despite it all, here I still am.  Feeling as though I’m letting myself, others, as well as God down each and every day….”

“…And I wonder, why did God make me this way, when I know in my heart He desires me to be so far from where I am???”
And in that statement, I found the ultimate cause of my continual angst.

~~~~~~~
Hours later I found myself at a bookstore at the suggestion of my husband to have some time to myself…and decided to grab a book a friend had mentioned she wanted to read.
Without knowing anything about it, I pulled it from the shelf and snuggled into a chair to see what the hype was all about.
And then I read this….
unglued1
….there it was.
My heart.
My struggle.
My discontent.
I am sometimes just a littleunglued.
I can be an exploder that later shames themselves.
{i beat myself up…}
I can be a stuffer that builds barriers.
{…but i protect myself from others.}

~~~~~~~

Do you ever feel this way?

You promise yourself, as the guilt and shame overwhelm you at night, that the next day will be different.
You’ll keep your house clean.
You’ll find joy and happiness in unpleasant circumstances.
You’ll be patient and calm.
You’ll be a better wife.
You’ll be a more thoughtful friend.
You’ll set aside time with God and make it meaningful.
You’ll exercise and eat right.
You’ll…..
And tomorrow comes, and it’s not different at all.
Maybe, some days, it’s even worse.
Because in that moment when something or someone bumps into your idea of happy…
You become Unglued.

While I didn’t read more than the first two chapters before putting it back on the shelf (hello amazon!), simply by reading the authors heart, I suddenly didn’t feel so alone in my struggle.
I felt a tinge of hope, in that while I may have a long ways to go, I am truly in Gods capable hands.

we all are.

It’s not in His character to leave us as we are.
We are a constant work in progress, and in and through it all, He is at work.


I certainly don’t have the answers on how to change from to there.
But I know the One who does.
And I will at the very least, cling to Him each day, and allow HIM to do the changing instead.
© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. Thank you so much for this! Perfectly stated what I struggle with every single day! It feels good to know I’m not alone.