love and loss

Every year on this day I write about the same thing.
It’s an incredibly bittersweet day that involves two of the most important and influential men in my life.
{if you’re new to me or this blog, the links are to take you back in time to some of our back story.}


9 years ago today, I nervously looked into Jimmy’s eyes and promised to be by his side, for better or for worse, as long as we both shall live.


I knew it was a big promise, as the year we dated had already involved a lot of worse, but I knew that there was nobody else I’d rather have by my side throughout those tough times.

In 9 years of marriage, we have had many many moments of love, joy and incredible happiness.
But in those 9 years, we have had many many struggles and hardships.

There were times when I didn’t think I was strong enough to hold on, times I wasn’t even sure why Jimmy continued to especially when I felt so broken and unlovable.

But because of him…
…because his unconditional love towards me despite all that we had gone through…
has made me love and respect him even more.

I can look into his eyes and know he will never leave me.
I trust that he will always love me.
He will always see the best in me.
And he’ll always encourage me towards better, and remind me that I can be when I can’t see it myself.

He is my world.
My heart.
My everything.

I’ll be honest.
Marriage is one of the hardest things I’ve committed to besides parenting…but the work we have put in is so worth it.
And no matter what I have an incredible best friend by my side until my dying day.

On the other side, today is also 10 years since I lost my dad.
10 years ago today, I was sitting on the living room floor with the kids I nannied for, when I got the call from my mom.
“They found your dad dead on the side of the road.  Honey, he’s gone.”
I had just spoken with him only a week earlier.
He was fine.
It had to be a mistake.
It wasn’t my dad.
And then my body betrayed my mind, and I crumpled to the floor shaking and crying uncontrollably.
My mind was in denial, 
but my body knew it was true.
While those days and months were most definitely traumatic and heartbreaking, I knew that he had loved and served the Lord as best he knew how.
And God had simply given him rest from his pain and called him home.
And the dad who had always loved me so unconditionally throughout my life was finally being unconditionally loved by His Father in Heaven.
And it was okay…because a month later, the Lord brought me Jimmy.
The only other man I’d ever met who knew how to love with commitment.
The only other man I knew who loved with no strings attached.
{our wedding day}

Gods ways never make sense at the time.
But 10 years later, I can see it a little more clearly.
And so today I’ll appreciate my husband more.
I’ll remember my dad with fondness.
And I’ll thank the Lord for having blessed me with both in my life.


And Happy Anniversary to my sister Heather and her husband Eric who sweetly allowed us to share their wedding date a few years later.
Love you two so much.

© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”
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