Thoughts are swirling around inside my mind, jumbled thoughts and images and memories, and I know I need to give them God.
And I did, a little.
But sometimes I express myself better to God not in thoughts or spoken prayers…but in words. In writing. When I just let go and write, out comes the truth of my soul.
So, here I sit alone in my living room with nothing but the glow of my laptop and hum of the kitchen….doing something I rarely do….
There is no direction, no idea what I will share or how it will end.
No lesson to teach, more so just hopes that a lesson will be learned.
That through my writing, God will show up and make sense of the thoughts that are keeping me awake.
I think about Taylor…and how he’s almost 7. And I don’t know why suddenly 7 seems so significant, but I am amazed at how it really did pass in a blink of an eye.
Four years that I’ve been writing here on Le Musings of Moi.
And it’s grown…a little.
And there have been opportunities….plenty.
And I cherish the growth and the opportunities and I even put them all into a folder called encouragement…
But, when I compare this place to others that started when I did, or even to newer blogs with more success (and i know i shouldn’t….), I feel as though I can’t keep up.
And I wonder…
If something is good, isn’t there growth?
And if there isn’t, is it time to let it go?
And then I’m back to thinking about where God has me now.
I feel a shift happening…a change.
A stirring.
I remember back to just days ago when we were planting and sweeping and preparing for spring, and I was overwhelmed with a feeling that things were soon to be different.
And sitting here now, I wonder….what was that feeling?
It settled me then, but it confuses me now.
And in and out of all those concrete thoughts are moments of sadness for the people I know and know of that are hurting, and struggling, and probably up tonight as well with swirling thoughts of their own.