if i could dream a million dreams….

BIG DREAMS.
But these dreams compete with my love of being home and in elastic or drawstring waisted pants.
I LOVE being social, but I love being home alone without makeup again in drawstring or elastic waisted pants….and my husbands v-neck t-shirts.  
sans bra.
I hate bras.
And when you’re out being social, people expect you to wear a bra.
I want to be more in shape, but I have a slight need/addiction to sweets and carbs.
Or anything that has ingredients you can’t pronounce or could potentially cause cancer.
I want to be a better parent, but the little buggers keep me from getting a full dose of sleep that could possibly allow for that to happen.
possibly.
I want to write a book (ever since I was first invited to a Young Writers conference in 2nd grade, it’s been my PASSION)….but I’m intimidated to write more than a blog sized post.  
Plus, what do I have to offer that hasn’t already been put out there???
Also, I want to act.  
Or be on broadway.  
Hey, forget broadway, I’d even accept a guest role in a high school (or jr high/elementary) production.
*true story….once one of my high school girls from youth group accidentally sent a text to me actually intended for one of her friends, asking if I wanted to be in a play…and my heart skipped a beat.  my heart is still healing over that mistaken text.*
  
The problem with this dream…is that while I’m in my car/shower singing or “harmonizing” with worship while I’m safe in my seat at church, I have INCREDIBLE talent.  
The WEIRD thing is NOBODY else has yet to notice. =) 
So…..
Another dream.
To be a speaker.
To go to churches, youth group events, womens conferences, blog conferences, you name it….I want to speak at it.
This competes with my insecurity that I don’t have the wisdom yet (although I will say, I do have a TON of life experience), plus….what if nobody laughs at my humor???
{it HAS happened once or twice.}
Another dream…
That I would wake up bouncing out of bed.  But I love my bed.  And I hate bouncing.  
It makes me nauseous.
Also?  
I hate mornings.
But right now?
It’s late at night.  
Which is my happy clarity time.
And I am sitting on my bed.
Because I love my bed.
I’m in elastic waisted pajama pants.
Sans bra.
With a tummy full of carbs and a bloated belly to prove it.
And I’m humming (with perfect pitch) with American Idol.
And I am writing!
I may not BE on a platform sharing, but I have a platform to share….
I have this amazing place we have created, that God has absolutely blessed me with….where can all be in this together.
And in this moment, I am actually quite content and happy.
In this moment, could it be?
That I am possibly ALREADY living my dream?
{except for the mornings. in the mornings, i am NOT living my dream.  at least not until 10-11am when I can almost smile and maybe begin thinking about having complete thoughts.}
I may not always believe it, but when I really stop and take a hard look at what I been given…
what I have been blessed with….
I realize, this is the moment I am happy to be in.
And anything else, is icing on the cake.
{and i’m just saying, i REALLY love icing…so Jesus, feel free to BRING ON the icing!  Um.  you know, if it’s Your Will, of course.  amen.}
{and by the tone of this post….yes, PMS is over.  “all praise be to Jesus” my husband would say.  actually he wouldn’t.  at least not out loud cause he’s smarter than that.  sometimes.}
© 2012 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. Karen and Gerard says:

    I really like how you wrote this and realize you are already living your dream! 

    Stopping by from Writer’s Workshop.

  2. Jdaniel4smom says:

    I love the flow of your writing! Finding peace and joy in moments is really special.

  3. Soccerstahl says:

    Love, love, love your sense of humor, you always make me smile. 🙂 See even now. I especially love that you are in a happy place!! God has blessed you, I’m glad you recognize it and can enjoy the moments and His many blessings. Love you!

  4. thanks Karen….as predicted, i didn’t wake up feeling so positive….but I’m only 15 minutes away from 11….I should be back there soon. =)

  5. Thank you so much!!! If only I could wake up that way…..then everything would be perfect. =)

  6. thank you my sweet favorite friend. and not just because you think i’m funny. =)
    i have to say this morning? not yet in that happy place….maybe by noon? lol
    love you lots and lots.

  7. You’re right on, Summer.  You are liviing your dream.  And the best part is that God will keep on fitting it into who you are in your present circumstances!  I can especially see you speaking all over, encouraging people and making them laugh, just like you’re doing now.  Thanks!

  8. You’re so funny and i love all your BIG dreams 🙂  I can see you doing every single one of them.  Even the book! 

    PS today is the day I have to decide FOR SURE if I’m going to the conference in Cali.  It’s looking like no, but if I do I’ll let you know for sure. xoxo

  9. Mary, THANK YOU!!!! I love your comments and encouragement….and really just LOVE you. xoxo

  10. If you don’t go to Cali, what about BlogHer New York???

  11. the more of you I read, the more I’m convinced we are kindred souls… and I didn’t realize that you were in San Diego until your last post! Glad to know there are at least two of us dreamer women with an affinity for sweatpants, chocolate, and investing in high school girls in this fabulous city 🙂

  12. No way!!! There are TWO OF US in San Diego?!? How lucky is San Diego? Or at least our San Diego couches and youth group girls. =)

  13. I’m a big believer in following dreams (which is probably why I keep going to school at 31 years old….really need to figure out just what mine are)….you should do all of them especially that book.  I can promise you I’d buy it.

  14. well, if I have ONE promised reader….it must be written. =) ahhhh, one day.

  15. I KNEW I wasn’t the only one who harmonizes during worship!! I mean, there’s no missing my mom doing it, if we’re at church together, but thistles me feel better. Also? That text story cracked me up. Do it! Be in a HS play!! 🙂