I’ve been trying to keep my parenting/kid life off the blog for a while…
mostly because I rock at it and there are never issues, and really if you knew my kids, you’d know they can’t DO ANY WRONG.
And not only that but I’d hate to make you feel less than when you witness how well I parent.
I never yell.
I never cuss.
{not sure I even know any cuss words…}
In fact, I always talk with a whisper and a smile, and I thank my sweet Jesus for the blessing of perfection he has not only given me but in my kids as well.
{we’ll get to marriage another day.}
Annnnnnd…..
before lightening strikes and I lose my christian license….let me try out the honesty thing for a sec.
Holy CRAP.
{meaning: trying to find the HOLY in the midst of the CRAP!}
There comes a point when enough is enough.
And all I want to know is what wine you people recommend as it’s own food group.
{and remind me, what’s the time it’s okay to start? 9 am?}
Wow, this honesty things feels good.
Parents of Toddler’s, you there with me???
{Or as I call the club, P.O.T.}
As I recall, I’m pretty sure this was about the first time I ever experienced a pretty little thing called anxiety, and it was right about the time Taylor turned 2.5 himself.
{i called this video: BIRTH CONTROL. Use it.}
Guess who’s 2.5 right about now?
This monster:
{don’t let that face fool you!}
Guess who’s wishing they had an unlimited supply of xanax (or my new natural version, GABA) right about now?
This monster:
My perfect and amazing child who was clearly better than the rest….the apple of my eye, child just like me who can do no wrong, the one who was always happy and loving and full of light and laughter….
turned the age that drives sane women mad.
{yes, I’m referring to the sane woman as me….keep up and stop snickering.}
So up again are the craigslist job ads, and in again are the preschool application papers….
because no woman was meant to go through this stage alone.
{and by alone I mean without wine}
These days….
My days mostly consists of large amounts of whining.
Which then turns into long bouts of screaming.
Mixed a little with kicking.
Some slight flailing.
And lots and lots of “mine” and “no!” mixed in the midst of it all.
Did I mention it can go on for HOURS?
So fun, right?
Hours.
What was once like this:
Has grown into something a little like this:
{the now infamous walmart trip}
And yes, we did run into people we knew that day.
And yes, I was dressed as a homeless person who hadn’t seen a shower in months.
Did I also mention that at 2, she gave up naps?
But, not in the “I’ll be happy all day because I’m obviously much too mature for naps” kind of way that I would so much prefer.
Instead, she gave them up as in the, “I’m going to scream and cry every time you tell me no or don’t do EXACTLY as I please and it will go on until my head starts to spin and you begin to wonder if the exorcist is replaying before your eyes.”
{deep breath for dramatic pause}
“And then I’ll stop for a second, only because I see something shiny, but then I’ll see that you are looking much too relaxed so I will once again begin with a slight whine turn to meltdown in 2 seconds flat…
and of course I’ll keep that up until daddy walks in the door when at that moment you will look insane and I will smile brightly as though nothing has happened at all.”
That’s my baby girl.
And wasn’t that me who said all I wanted to be was a stay at home mom in life???
I swear I was a good mom before I had kids.
Thank goodness I have the Internet for therapy, Jesus to forgive, and wine to soothe.
Oh my heck, it’s only Monday.
~~~~~~
Okay, you can disregard this post as she just came out of her time out with a goofy smile, a big hug, and a,
“i sorry mama.”
Such is the life of bipolar parenting.
Now obviously this post is only to vent,
and not so much as to ask for advice (unless you want to tell me it okay to give bendryl to toddlers to make them sleep),
because clearly, I have it all under control.
{drink break}
So, now it’s your turn…
rant away, therapy session time it is.
What do you need Jesus to forgive you for?
{40 more followers needed for some good giveaways!!! thanks you guys, it feels good to be in a committed relationship with ya’ll!}
© 2011 “Le Musings of Moi”
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thank God for forgiveness, like literally!!! This post is hilarious and I so feel ya. With the crappy weather, I went bonkers this weekend with my kiddos. (side note – totally impressed that I figured out how to subscribe to a blog, progress I tell ya)
OMG, I can relate to all of this. My sweet, angelic son turns 2.5 this weekend and has recently turned into a creature I don’t recognize. My sweet little man who could do no wrong is now a little hellion! The tantrums, oh, the tantrums…over nothing…its crazy. Where did my sweet innocent baby go?
I feel your pain sister!
I can relate. My almost 2.5 year old is going through the EXACT same fun stage. Only I’m preggo and wishing for a glass of wine and a xanax chaser 🙂
It’s like, they change OVERNIGHT! And yes I am dealing with the ‘terrible three’s’ right now, which are um… even more scary than the terrible two’s! OMG! Help! And pass the wine! Yes, my boys are awesome, loving and perfect but sometimes… it is HARD being a mom!
I can so totally relate. And right at the moment I only have a one 3.5 yr old to deal with (well until June when the twins arrive….Lord give me strength now). The 1st video you posted…yeah, my son exactly in one of his full blown meltdown fits. His started at 2 and when I thought things wouldn’t get worse he turned 3. Who flipped that light switch?!! OMGoodnes!!! Some days I see “small”glimmers of hope we are passing the horrible 3’s….but those are very very small glimmers. I am already stocking up on the alcohol now for when the twins hit ages 2 and 3 ( Lord please forgive me) but I am not sure how I will possibly survive if it was this bad with just 1.
At this very moment my three year old decided to grab the keyboard and demand that it was his turn! I so understand!! But…I thought it was called the terrible twos! With my monster it started after he turned three! I was all worried about the twos and then floated by like nothing with giggles and smiles! Ha! Now the fits start!! Wishing you sanity!
Candace
Okay, you just made me laugh really hard. And I needed that. ‘Cause even though I don’t KNOW you and I am not WITh you…I am truly WITH you!!!! And xanax. Glad I am not alone there…I needed this. So, I thank you from the bottom of my butt. Because it is a lot bigger than my heart. 😉
You just described my life…however, mine is a 3.5 year old and a 2 year old, so I got a DOUBLE-WHAMMY….I drink wine every.single.night. and anyone who doesn’t, tell me….what is your secret?
Thank goodness Trader Joes sells cheap wine! I would be in a mental institution if not!
Oh honey. You have just said my life– my 4 year old is having regular meltdowns and now that my 2 year old sees it, she is doing it too– monkey see, monkey do.
Although I don’t have kids, I know what you’re going through. My mom teaches preschool and spending one day with a room of 4 & 5 year olds is so overwhelming. Watching a kid break down in a store and seeing how embarrassed the mom or dad is makes me so sad. I think kids are an amazing blessing, but I’m sure its not easy all the time.
I KNOW I posted a GREAT comment. But then my computer freaked out. So in the event that you didn’t get it…..
Watch out for those kids that are “just like you” those are the ones that will cause you to drink heavily. Especially during the “tween” years. ‘Cuz yeah, so far those have been the worst. Hands down.
I bet regular beatings would help. And make you feel better. Lol. I can say that cause I don’t have kids!
As someone once said “My parents would stroke my gluteus maximus til my cerebral cortex got a new revelation” 🙂
My triplet boys are now 2.5 years old. Their older sister, the drama queen is nearly 5. Two days ago I wrote a post about their antics that involved fingerpainting with poop, drinking half and half from the carton and sloppy joe footprints across my kitchen.
I am an expert in the insanity that is 2.5 year-olds. So here are the answers to your questions:
1. I recommend Riesling as its own food group. Love ’em all, especially those from Washington state. Yes, one can argue that a red wine is healthier, but I already have a headache and red wine will only make it worse. Besides, in a pinch you could pass a white off as 7-Up should your nosy neightbor drop by.
2. It is OK to start any time after the children wake up. ANY TIME. Sometimes that’s midnight or 3 a.m., and sometimes a much more reasonable 6 a.m. The time is irrelevant. You are drinking with a purpose. That’s what matters. While I don’t recommend wine with your morning coffee, it does wash down a bagel quite nicely.
As soon as I perfect my recipe for Merlot popsicles, I’ll share.
Christy
I love the honesty because Lord knows I am pretty sure I am going to rely on the wine when kiddos come around.