i let go of the numbers

It’s almost the New Year!!!

{i know, i know….it’s not even christmas yet…but i was hoping this post would help us focus on what’s most important all through christmas and beyond.}

And you guys know that I kind of adore the New Year.  
I think I get more excited about it than any other time of year.  
It’s that feeling of starting afresh.  
Beginning anew.  
Starting over. 
Ahhhhh, sounds lovely right?
Last year Jimmy and I sat down and made lists of our goals for 2010, and as I was going over it last week I was thrilled as I realized I was able to cross off the majority of the stuff!!!  
My biggest thing I think was my body issues and dealing with them once and for all.  
I was SO over the inner drama going on, and I absolutely DID NOT want that ish touching my own kids and knowing that they learned it from me.
I wanted to find balance.  
I wanted to find inner acceptance.  
I wanted to kick that mean girl inner talk to the curb, and finally find some peace.
So I read a lot of books.
I went to a lot of counseling.
And I did a ton of writing letters that in the end were never sent, but absolutely needed to be written.
And ever so slowly, I began to heal.
It’s now been a year and oh ma word, I have come SO far.
Just one of the ways I can tell is because it’s been months since I’ve stepped on a scale.  
And I love that I don’t know how much I weigh.
Yes, I still love to work out and Tracy Anderson is still my best friend (tracy, call me, lets talk!) but if I miss a day or a week, I don’t freak.
Eating healthy is still a goal during the week, but on the weekends I let loose and enjoy because I can.
My body is far from perfect, and I don’t care.
I’ve certainly let a little more loose in the last few months than my jeans care to be okay with, but where in the past I would cry and detest myself and refuse to leave the house….
Now I know it’s a matter of getting back on track for a month or so, and all will be well again.
My biggest lesson?
I’ve realized that it’s more important to let go of the numbers, and focus on finding happiness.
I used to only determine if I was happy as long as the numbers added up.
If they didn’t, my mood would plummet and the whole vicious cycle would begin again.
I mean literally if my weight changed by one or two pounds….
my world could be sunny or it could be dark.
So not okay.
{by the way, that worked with my blog too….when i stopped caring about how many comments and followers and stats, writing became joyful again.  when i stopped looking at the numbers, my blog became my haven again.  funny how that works.  and now that i think about it, that advice goes with ANYTHING.  i mean, what if we NEVER knew how many, how much, how long…and it was simply asked, “and how happy are you really?”  Measure your life by how happy and CONTENT you are and never by the numbers.  Period.}
And so because I like my jeans and I really quite like my clothes, and I’m SO not a fan of the underarm jiggle, in the New Year I am going to finally begin AND complete the 30 Day Method.  
Because I want to be healthy.
Only this time I’m doing it different.
I’m not paying attention to the numbers.
{that’s what got me last time}
In fact, I’m not even going to look at numbers.
No measuring.  No weighing.  No counting calories.
In fact, who knows, I may never weigh again.
I want to be able to just look in the mirror and be okay with what I see.
I want to know by the fit of my clothes (which are not nor will ever be size 0’s) what works and what doesn’t….
I want to live in my own little world being happy because I’m content.
And not because numbers say I should or shouldn’t be.

I want my world to be bigger and more meaningful than my body and the numbers that go along with it.
More than that I want my happiness in life to have NOTHING to do with numbers ever.
I want to not care how much I weigh, how much you weigh, how much that cost, how much he makes, how big or little, how long or short…
I want to only see the joy.
The freedom.
In you.
In me.

Who’s with me?

 *edited to add…
As I walked away from this post and let it settle within me, I was struck with something I couldn’t forget to add.
My heart didn’t feel complete with the simple, are you happy and that’s all that matters.
Because it’s so much more than US.
We are a nation centered around our own happiness.
What goes beyond numbers…
what goes beyond our inner happiness…
is this.
What will they say about you when you die?

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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  1. That is the most wonderful and most positive way to say what I’ve been needing to hear. I hope you and your family have a very blessed and Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

  2. Yeah sooo…pretty much obsessed, head-over-heels in love with this post. And you for writing it.


  3. What a wonderful and positive post! I’ve been struggling all year with getting healthy and trying to loose weight but I just can’t seem to get motivated.

    People around me say things that hurt me and I’ve never had a good self image, but I’m determined to try and make this work. After the holidays, its on – I just want to enjoy them and not worry about what I’m eating.

  4. This is a great post. I haven’t owned a scale in my entire adult life. This made me realize that my mom never owned one either. I need to thank her for that.

  5. Oh, and I hope you guys have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

  6. I’m so happy for you that you’ve come so far this year. You are an amazing person :)

  7. This is wonderful and something I needed to hear. i have been freaking out over 1-2 pounds I put on. 1-2 pounds?! Ugh, I irritate even myself.

    Thanks for sharing this.

  8. What a great post! I love the idea of writing down what I would like to accomplish for the coming year. I’ve never done that but you have inspired me!

  9. I’m so glad that you’ve grown so much – I too am on a path to self discovery and not weighing things by numbers, but by inner peace and substance in my life. Well said Summer and here’s to a wonderful New Year!

  10. Excellent, excellent, excellent post.

    Found you via the blogher tab on my blog. Thanks for encouraging me to let go of those pesky pesky numbers.

  11. THANK YOU so much for this posting. I have stopped weighing myself, too. And I have given up the “bad feelings flogging” after I eat something gooey and wonderful. I am so much happer. And I am back in my size 10’s which, for me, is just a gift. And your blog is a gift, too. Thanks so much!