Archives for May 2010

Believe it or not, Jimmy and I fight sometimes.

I mean, obviously, it’s because he’s wrong, but still….

we fight.

What I’ve noticed is that if we dont really address and SOLVE the issue at hand,

and instead just try to move forward,

and then it ends up being tacked on to the next fight.

And then if we don’t solve THAT issue,

those two unresolved issues show up in the next fight and so on…

It’s vicious,

and us women can really unintentionally hold on to A LOT that we have no idea about.

I caught myself wondering why I was SO upset this last fight we had,

when on the surface (and to him) it really wasn’t the end of the world.

And that’s when I realized….it was so much more than THIS fight.

So, after a few days of stewing and creating a shell around my heart,

I decided to try something new.

I asked Jimmy if I could have some of his time,

where I could just sit and explain my side of things.

Express my feelings, my thoughts, my frustrations….

and have him promise to not SAY A WORD.

All he was allowed to do was listen.

And can I just tell you?

It was AMAZING.

There was no interrupting.

No defending.

Or deflecting.

Or accusing.

Or excuses.

I felt so safe.

And then he promised to take at least 24 hours to think and pray over what I’d said,

and come back with his own thoughts….

and then together we’d finally be able to solve the issue without heated emotions.

Genius, right?

For the first time,

I felt years of frustration melt away by simply making a change to the way things have been done.

I’m hoping we’ll be able to keep this up the next time he’s wrong.

And that maybe if we actually start solving THIS fight,

they won’t feel so big or get so out of hand the next time.

Anyway….we can all use advice in regards to this….

So, how do you guys fight right?

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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If you’ve been a reader for awhile,

you know my struggle with the blog life.

You’ve seen my love/hate relationship….

my ups and my downs.

It ebbs and flows,

and for awhile,

I have been rollin’ right along with it.

It’s back though,

that unsettling feeling.

And I think it’s because life has been bumped up a notch.

I just catch myself wondering once again…

why do I do this?

But, I already know the answer.

I do this for me.

I NEED to write.

I do this for you.

We NEED to relate.

This is another home for me.

A place to breathe and unwind and be me.

Love me or hate me.

But, I keep hearing this phrase…

And I push it aside,

because that phrase must not understand that you don’t become

“known”

in moderation around these here blog parts.

But, don’t they say,

if you let something go

and it comes back

it was meant to be?

And of course it came back.

So annoying when that voice is right.

Writing.

Expressing myself.

It may just not be me here every day.

I’m thinking I may want to start showcasing other bloggers by allowing weekly guest posts.

You know, share the limelight.

I can do that…

I also think it’s time to work on that book dream of mine.

I started it,

and there it has sat,

month after month,

all by itself.

I really do believe now is the time to get back to it.

So ya,

blah, blah, blah,

same post different day.

But this is my place to write my thoughts,

and today, this is what you get.

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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I feel like my life would be a waste if I didn’t make an impact.

An impact on my kids.

My husband.

My family.

My friends.

I think that’s why I write.

I know I’m not perfect, I am so far from it.

In fact, sometimes I feel like such an awful person.

My thoughts are not always nice.

Not always pure.

Not always right.

But when I’m honest and write them out,

someone is always there.

Relating.

Understanding.

Making me feel okay…

making me feel normal.

And while my mistakes and imperfections may not always be the impact I hope to make,

at least I know that I am not alone.

And you know you are not alone.

In being open,

In being honest,

In being vulnerable….

There is some sort of an impact made there.

And isn’t that what matters?

~~~~~~~

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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Hi guys! Let’s just get the basics out of the way.

I’m Ali, I come all the way from The Way I See It (it really was nothing, especially because it’s for Summer) and I’m really stoked to be guest posting on one of the most stylish, real and honest bloggers I know.

Oh yeah, she’s really pretty too.

But we knew all this, right?

Otherwise, whatchu doin’ here (said in the tone of, “Whatchu talkin’ about, Willis?!”)?

Oy, I’m digressing already and have barely begun to write.

Onward.

I was driving in my car the other day, rattling my brain about what to write about.

I don’t know about you, but guest posts intimidate me a bit.

I mean, I love doing them but then there’s that whole, what the heck am I gonna write about…thang.

But then it hit me.

And in the name of honesty, I’m just gonna throw it out there.

I was first drawn to Summer’s blog because she opened up about an issue that I still, to this day, find very hard to do myself: body image.

I’m gonna make an ass out of you and me and assume that the majority of Summer’s readers are women.

My point?

We all deal with it on some level or another, some more than others and some less

(POWER. TO. YOU.).

Unfortunately, I am not the latter of those people.

Now, don’t go thinking this is a “woe is me” post, because it’s not.

This is an aspect of me that I’ve rarely, if ever, discussed until now.

I’ve been told that my blog is very optimistic, cheery and happy.

But today, I’m revealing a different side of myself.

Blame it on Summer; she brings out the real in me. 🙂

I’ve always been aware of my weight.

Growing up, I was the rotund girl, the one who still had her baby fat at 13.

And I knew it.

The group of girls I hung out with were not built like me.

Instead, they were thin, could eat whatever they wanted and just looked good doing it.

That’s not to say that I was constantly down on myself growing up.

It was more that I accepted it despite the fact that I wasn’t crazy about it, lost a few pounds throughout the years (I’m looking at you, Weight Watchers!) and lived my off and on rotund little life.

Then college came around.

I was a Drama major.

Image is key in that department.

I also lived with an old friend who fell victim to that image.

Without getting too much into that, I’ll just say that I vowed to never be crazy that way.

But somehow, without even knowing it (seriously), I began counting calories, working out more than usual and just plain going crazy.

It was gradual at first — I’d come home from school one weekend to a worried mother.

It went from “you’ve lost more weight” to “you’re getting thinner, Ali” to finally “okay, stop losing weight.”

But I didn’t.

I loved the feeling of being noticed, even if it was for something negative.

That thing was, I never once stopped eating.

In fact, I ate more than I had before it all happened.

But more than anything, it was my mentality that suffered the most.

My life was consumed by what I was putting in my mouth and how much of it I was working off.

My social life began to dwindle because I didn’t want to go out to eat with friends.

I didn’t want to be called out on what I was eating or anything of the sort.

My sister will tell you to this day that I looked sickly, I will tell you to this day that I disagree.

Despite the decreasing numbers on the scale, I still saw myself as that pudgy girl.

That was in college, about 3 years ago.

I am proud to say that I am no longer as crazy as I used to be.

Still a bit wacko, of course (I’m a woman, aren’t we all in our own special ways?).

But since that time, I have managed to reach a point where I don’t need to weigh myself all the time, I eat everything in moderation, and I work out and — get this — enjoy it.

My ridiculous fears of falling off the wagon and reverting back to that rotund little girl are still there, but not nearly as present as they used to be.

Here’s my theory:

God gave me the body he did for a reason.

My job is to keep it healthy, strong and remind it that it’s beautiful.

He gave this particular body to me and me alone.

Like I said, this is a topic that, aside from my family, I never discuss.

But I feel that by sharing some bits and pieces of my struggle with body image, maybe someone, somewhere will be able to relate.

Relate and appreciate that they’re not alone.

Whoa.

Bit of a heavy post for a Tuesday, huh?

Didn’t see that one coming!

In other news, thank you so much for reading, thank you Summer for letting me take over your fab blog for today. And hey, anyone and everyone…come over and say hello!

You’re always welcome.

All my love, A

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”

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