I’ve known for awhile I had this problem.
I knew it wasn’t right.
It wasn’t normal.
But I thought I was able to deal with it.
I thought I could fix it on my own….
But back on my birthday, I wrote about how it was still heavy on my heart.
I knew it was still controlling my life, my thoughts…my soul.
I knew that I had lived with it for far too long, and it was time.
This had to be the year that I faced my demon and said goodbye to the issue once and for all.
And then I wrote a post
trying to show my side.
My view…
and how I’m not so much different than others who may be further down the spectrum.
It’s been three and a half months of good times in counseling.
Okay, whatever….
therapy.
Call it what you will.
And when I say good times, I mean enlightening.
And what’s crazy is that we’ve hardly touched upon the actual issue.
Her motto is,
“It’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating you.”
And there we have been focused.
What’s eating me.
I knew I had the issue.
But I didn’t know why, where it came from, or how to get rid of it.
I was stuck,
I felt hopeless.
Months later, I can finally see a new me in the mirror.
Because I now know why.
I can see where it came from,
and I am beginning the process of moving past it.
And that seems to be more than half the battle.
It’s crazy.
The moment she called out the cause,
I just knew.
It fit.
It was right.
It was so wrong,
but it was right.
I’d found the truth.
And in JUST knowing the truth,
I felt such incredible freedom.
I still have far to go.
I still struggle.
But, I am no longer obsessed.
Each week, I become more and more content.
I don’t weigh in every day.
Or even every week.
I can eat free for a day…
or three…
and not feel incredible guilt.
I don’t compare…
as much,
I look for the positive,
more often.
It’s a slow uphill climb,
but it’s been incredibly worth it.
I can see the other side.
And I truly believe one day I will be free.
{I know there were a TON of links….but if you struggle with eating/body issues, going back and reading those will definitely help you to know you’re not alone…we can beat this together.}
~~~~~~~
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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I distinctly remember the first time I went to the gym with the intention of building muscle. My entire life I had worked out to burn as many calories as fast as possible – I had done it to be slim. Then one day (when I was in college and seeing the best therapist I ever had) I caught myself thinking “I really want to work on my arms today. I love when women have defined arms and shoulders.” and it was just so bizarre I expanded past it. Over time I added a whole weights routine (even lower body, which I had always been concerned about being too bulky) to my regular workout. It was a total shift in thinking. A shift to being healthy, rather than skinny.
And it stemmed from 1 amazing therapist and the way she helped me to see myself and my life. My entire body image changed.
I am so happy to hear you are starting to find answers too!
A beautiful and brave post my dear Summer. I always love how you bare your soul and share your heart with us! I’m sure you are a source of comfort and light to so many.
Love that you have made your breakthrough and will pray that things continue to go well!
God bless!
Trudy
I’ve been there too girl…going through that mess right now but I’m trying not to become frustrated with the process of loosing weight and so far I’m not being negative with myself.
I’ve done the diet pills, the not eating and the excessive exercise and I refuse to let that take over me again!
I’ve struggled with these issues all my life…but you know we’ve had a breakthrough over here too! I’ve found such relief through training for my triathlon…which you would think would be a different factor to lead to more of a struggle…but it’s really made me examine so much in my life… And it’s amazing!…I hope that your journey continues…You will be free and it’s soooo liberating!
I think that is so great, Summer. You are such a strong person and I really admire you for being so open and honest.
So happy to hear that you’re getting better! Good for you.
I think that is so great, Summer. You are such a strong person and I really admire you for being so open and honest.
oh lady!!! i definitely struggle with body issues…so very much so…i know where it came from but i hate to put that on her and play the blame game…i am a grown bum woman now and while i still struggle with it i am trying to do it in the best and healiest way i can…and if that means eating a mountain of onion rings and a chilicheesehot dog with onions and a side of fries at johnny rockets and not working out until the next day…well then that is just how it has to be!!!!
definitely in it together and with all!!!
Summer, this was incredibly powerful and when we blog we spill our hearts out and we have no idea how many people we touch and help. I love how honest and open you are and think you are beautiful, amazing and strong.
Good for you. You are obviously such a strong woman. I don’t know any woman who hasn’t struggled with this to a degree at some point in your life. I really wish you the best.
Sending my hugs and prayers… you will beat this!! I have always felt that awareness and the desire to heal/change is the significant first step. Of course I have my issues, which I realized just last week that I really need to face and move on from… we can do it!
xoxo J
I think everyone has body issues..I think I dont’ see myself the way I truly am. I see myself with pounds added on that aren’t there. Not every day but sometimes. It’s sort of scary if I don’t recognize that.
Another enlightening post, Summer! I really wish I had known you back in college and late high school when I was struggling to help friends who had these issues. You have such great insight and you make it relatable.
i LOVITY LOVE your BLOGITY BLOG..seriously. such fun to read.
xo
ashlina
thedecorista.com
you’re already becoming stronger just for sharing. good luck on your full road to recovery….you can do it!!! we may not know you personally, but we all stand behind you.
sharing proves how strong you really are. hang in there, we are routing for you!!!! xx
http://www.olivia-parker.blogspot.com
it’s a day to day struggle and battle. hang in there, gorgeous lady.. i went back and read those posts you linked to, and you are so much stronger. keep keepin’ on. xo
Good for you!
I’m so proud of you in this post! You are so brave and strong. It takes a lot to talk about things liekthis, and you will inspire so many people (like you always do anywho! Lol)
So go girl:-)
P.S. from your comment on my blog, you should get a dog! They’re absolutely amazing, just sayin!
YES.
This.
Keep going
You’re amazing.
Not just in that, oh you’re amazing, I love you, xoxoxoxo business… but truly amazing.
You’re strong, you’re a mother, you’re beautiful, and you’re real. Thank God for that because there is so little of that out there these days.
I love this post… and I am so glad that you are feeling better about yourself and life in general… one day at a time!
What an inspiration!
You are such a brave incredible woman lady!