Archives for March 2010

and there are days

…when your mind is blank and you have nothing witty or pretty to share….
But, I know you’ll love me through this.
And since you’re here, why not enter the most amazing personalized giveaway that your life will not be complete without?
Now excuse me while I ponder if this case of pink eye in one child really does deserve a phone call to the pediatrician.
Does it ever just go away?
fun, fun, fun
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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choices

I heard a story about a little boy who was found drunk.
Drunk because he wanted to get into trouble so he could be in prison to be with his dad.
He was 4.
And ever since then, I have been struck by the impact of our choices.
I. mean. Woah.
Not be all heavy, but ya, it’s heavy.
It all comes down to our choices.
Every choice we make will impact something.
Or someone.
And yet, most of the time we don’t even seem to think beyond the moment.
This moment…
right now,
or even,
five minutes from now….
It’s easy to forget,
to think it’s all about us.
I stand guilty.
But, I now have a little boy who finds his tears in the night…
because someones choices do not reflect his best interests.
His heart is broken.
He aches for something that is not there.
All because of a choice.
And that is not okay.
It’s not all about us.
Actually, it’s RARELY ever is.
Every choice we make affects someone.
So, who are you affecting today?
~~~~~~~

{it’s a new day, so remember to enter the Personalized Giveaway!}
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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another edition of dear therapist…answered: does he really want to marry me?

Anonymous said…


Here is my question:


My boyfriend and I have been dating almost 2 years.

After about 6-7 months he told me I was “the one”, which was great, because I felt the same way.

Well flash forward a year and still no ring.

His family, friends, my friends keep asking him about it, but nothing.

I love him, but I am starting to think that if it is taking this long after “he knew” maybe is isn’t as into me as he has let on…?

But he talks about “our wedding” and “our kids” all the time.

I don’t know if I am being a nutcase, or if I should bring up my feelings to him.

How can I talk to him about this without being too pushy/needy, ideas?


~~~~~~~


I’ve seen this over and over and over again in my years as a therapist.

I can tell you that you are not a nut-case.

This happens all the time—and I have my theories as to why.


This is going to sound incredibly old-fashioned, but…

women tend to be the care-takers of relationships.

Blame genetics, evolution, divine-design—whatever the reason, women tend to be the ones in charge of making sure a relationship is healthy, on-course, and nurtured.


Women also tend to be more analytical:

turning thoughts, conversations, and plans around in their heads—

looking at things from every angle, giving meaning to things, and taking the emotional temperature of things.


I also think the long standing history of waiting for a man to propose is a very hard proposition for modern women to accept, even if the romantic in us wants things to progress in this way.

It can feel very disempowering and I think most women fear that by talking about it,

they seem desperate, insecure, and/or putting pressure on their significant other.


So, here’s my advice:

Start by reminding yourself that you are not alone in your confusion, fear, and frustration.

In the same way that most American women have hangups about not being married, most American men have their own strange hang-ups about BEING married.

What I have seen in my office, though, is that most people, once married, truly value marriage and will fight very hard to see their marriage thrive.


So, not to sound too stereotypical, I’m not surprised that your man isn’t rushing into a proposal.

If he’s talking about your wedding and your future kids, I would assume this issue is not about you “not being the one” but about ALL the other things that get in the way of a man and a woman being on the same page at the same time and taking the leap into marriage.


I would encourage you to find your voice in the relationship when it comes to your hopes for the future.

I wouldn’t yell, I wouldn’t pout, I wouldn’t beg.

What I would do is find a time when things are calm to talk.

Frame your thoughts in a positive way (not—“Why haven’t you proposed yet?! Don’t you LOVE me?!”) Something like, “I really enjoy you.

I love the way you take care of me, I love the way we can feel safe together.

I’ve been thinking more and more about our future and I wanted you to know, I feel so sure that you and I will create an amazing marriage, and that we will be amazing parents.

Sometimes I’m not sure if that’s still something that’s important to you.

What are you thinking about our future together?”


And then listen.

Not in the overly-analytical “What did that throat-clearing mean?!” way,

but in an open, curious, “let me learn about you” kind of way.

If he shares that he’s on board for the future, just not sure of the timing, again, share your thoughts.

As you speak, remember, this is not a fight to be won.

It’s a time to share and learn about each other.


Let him know it’s something you are ready for, and that it sometimes feels lonely/scary/weird/fill- in-your-own-emotion-here, to feel this way and not know if he’s on the same page.

If he has some reservations, have compassion.

Validate him.


Sometimes the more we push for something, the harder the other person has to pull back.

I’ve seen couples polarize over things they actually more or less agree on, just to try and feel heard.

Hear him.

Validate him.

Thank him for being open to talking about things.

And then, if in a few months, things feel like they are still in the same place, find another wonderfully calm time to talk again.


I know how scary and frustrating this can be.

If you take ten steps back, and look at it as if it were a movie, it would be almost weird if it were easy, right? Being on the same page, and that exact same time, about something so huge?

It’s unlikely.

I know we’re taught that if it’s “true love” then we would be on the exact same page at the exact same time. But real love is not like love in a fairy tale.

It’s a powerful mix of taking care of yourself and the other person at the same time, even when you’re not on the same page.

It’s hard to do, but when you pull it off, it’s a magically beautiful thing.


Good luck!

Shelby


~~~~~~~


Got a question for Shelby?

Leave it in the comments, and maybe yours will be chosen next!

~~~~~~~

Don’t forget to enter the Personalized Giveaway!!!

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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a personalized giveaway

I have a weakness for anything monogrammed, initialed, or personalized.
There is just something so chic about it, that I can’t even stand it.
In a good way, of course.
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And so when I happened upon Elm Studios, I knew I had found a little sliver of heaven…
Because she had found a way to speak to my heart.
Home decor combined with personalization!
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OMG.
Does it get ANY better?
No, no it doesn’t.
So, I begged her to become a sponsor on Le Musings,
because I just knew that you all needed to be just as obsessed as I have become.
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But then she went above and beyond offering one of my readers an $18 gift certificate to her shop!
Let me just tell you,
her prices are affordable,
and there is PLENTY that you can buy for $18.
In fact, I think her most expensive item is $22.
Not bad, right?
You must go see her amazingness.
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And then enter this giveaway.
It’ll end next Sunday,
and I’ll be here vlogging the winner.
Of course with any giveaway there are rules….
blah blah blah, right?
Lets keep it simple:
~ I like readers.
I mean don’t we all?
Isn’t that why we blog?
And really, this benefits you, so follow le blog won’t ya?
~ Visit Elm Studios,
and pick which item is your favorite.
Come back on over and let me know what you’d choose as your prize!
~ Tweet it.
And link in the comments to the tweet.
~Facebook it.
And link to the update in the comments.
~Blog it.
And, yup, comment back with the link.
~ And now to make it really fun….
Come back once a day and enter again and again.
Just leave a comment here telling me your biggest blessing of the day.
Consider this your blessings journal for the week.
And….
your welcome.
It’s all for you.
Because I heart you.
Mass.
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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stuff you might want to know….

The giveaway that was going to happen today, is happening tomorrow….
PROMISE!
Also, just wanted to let those of you who purchased something from Shop My Closet,
I’ll be mailing everything out on Tuesday.
So, you should most definitely be getting it by the end of the week!
There’s still more left,
and I’ll actually be adding more stuff…
probably by the week.
So keep checking back for more!
Anyway, hope you guys are enjoying your weekends!
We actually just met a family tonight at church that has adopted a daughter with three of their own children as well,
so it was AMAZING to be able to talk to someone who has been through this transition time, and can give some support and wisdom.
Already I feel refreshed….
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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breakfast of champions

I know, I know….
No Fashion Friday today.
And here’s why…as soon as Jimmy got home last night, I took off until 10 at night!
{closing time…}
I went to Ikea, and got lost in the world of home decor.
And if you’re wondering why I took off…
let me show you a picture of my breakfast this morning to give you a clue:
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{breakfast of hugs}
Generally, I go all week without gluten and sugar, and have a little reward meal(s) on the weekend.
But this week Taylor didn’t have all three days of preschool.
{I NEED all three days. Actually all 5 would be nice!}
And he’s a little jealous of the third little guy “invading” his space.
And rather than tell me how he’s feeling
(because he’s 4)
he’s driving me to drink.
Soda.
And eat.
Chocolate.
And all waaaaaay before my weekend splurge meal(s).
He’s also causing me to shop rather than take Fashion Friday pictures.
Such is my life.
Do you promise to visit me when I’m committed?
Just Kidding.
I hope.
Enjoy your weekend guys.
And come back tomorrow, I have an AMAZING giveway that I’m posting!
Now excuse me,
I have a little boy in the bath who just peed all over the brand new bunk beds,
at 6 this morning.
Jealous?
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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blitter

~ Can’t believe how so NOT GOOD the American Idol peeps are.
I mean, they’re okay, but they’re not blowing me away.
Yawn.
Boredom.
~~~~~~~
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~ Been getting some kinda RUDE comments as of late.
Not too sure how I feel about that, except that I um, moderate my comments….
so don’t expect that I’ll publish those kind.
This is a positive place to be….I’m keeping it that way.
So there.
~~~~~~~
~ I’m also blocking anon commenters as well….
the spam was getting old.
~~~~~~~
~ I keep saying I’m going to switch to wordpress,
but the reality is I’m too in love with my blog designer to go without her.
So, ahem…
no pressure.
{much}
~~~~~~~
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~ I’m on my third week of the Tracy Anderson Method, and I’m actually REALLY loving it.
It’s a bit pricey and definitely a time commitment,
but it’s fun and it totally works!
~~~~~~~
~ Thinking about doing another vlog since some of ya’ll seem to like them.
Why?
I don’t know…
but it thrills me to no end.
So, any ideas of what else you want me to do/say?
~~~~~~~
~ Really got off the no sugar/gluten bandwagon last week,
and now my wedding ring seems to be stuck on my finger!!!
So, I’m back on, and trying to kick these dang headaches…
sugar can be so evil!
{and so wonderful!}
I can’t say it’s for good,
but I’m holding strong at least for this week.
lol
~~~~~~~
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~ I bow to you people with three or more kids.
You are to be honored, loved, respected and praised.
~~~~~~~
~ I am boring.
This blog is boring.
Are you still awake???
~~~~~~~
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~ I must tell you that I
(and my credit card)
have just discovered the Kindle app for my iPhone.
And while the app is free, the books are not.
But still, each book is at MOST $9!
And it’s so AMAZING to have it right there on my phone.
Now I can read at night when I can’t sleep without keeping Jimmy up.
I can read in a waiting room.
In traffic.
In the bathroom….
you get the idea right?
~~~~~~~
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~ My neighbor who showed me those stretch jeans to love?
She also got me hooked on the Think Thin bars.
Gluten & sugar free and De-licious.
The cookies n cream one, OMW!!!!
~~~~~~~
~ Still pondering the move thing.
I feel so settled and comfortable here,
and yet I’m not a fan of the kids having nowhere to go outside to play.
By staying, we can save more money…
by moving we can save, just not as much.
Is a yard that important???
{i think yes…}
~~~~~~~
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~ Finally decided on the necklace.
And you all will kill me.
But, I’m going with a simple, “S.”
I know, I KNOW!
I just couldn’t pick three initials, so the “S” it will be.
And I am finally happy with my Valentines Day gift.
~~~~~~~
~ Just spent two hours sorting through the blog emails/comments.
I am SO behind in responding it’s not even funny.
Do you all who have a blog have a system about that?
If so, do share!
~~~~~~~
~ Speaking of sharing….
if you have kids,
how do you deal with sibling rivalry?
This fighting thing is all so new to me…
it’s been YEARS since I’ve nannied,
and even then,
I got to go home at night to be WITHOUT kids.
I miss those days.
~~~~~~~
There ya go, my blitter
{blog + twitter = blitter}
for the week….
and now you have plenty to respond to in the comments.
You do know that your comments are the air I breathe, right?
I mean, they’re kind of amazing.
So go on….
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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beauty tips & my show and tell vlog

Today it’s all about the tips…
makeup tips,
hair care tips,
gotta have product tips,
you know….
girlee stuff.
One of my amazing sponsors has a website,
that is just simply awesome…
especially if you want a place to go and read about how to make your eye shadow last.
Or if you wonder how the heck can you get rid of frizzy hair…
It’s even an amazing place if you HAVE tips you yourself want to share with the world!
Wanna know about peoples favorite products and why?
Because this site has that too.
I know!
It’s a girls one stop shop!
Only you don’t spend money.
At least not on Random Beauty Tips
but what happens when you leave there…
we can’t be responsible for that.
Anyway, it’s genius and you need to go check it out.
Remember I don’t have any sponsors that I don’t already love myself.
What’s my motto?
It’s all about you.
Sometimes.
And since we’re on the topic of beauty stuff, thought I’d make a little vlog of show and tell.

{did you notice all the edits because of the AMAZING children of mine?}

© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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my place to be

I’ve always wanted Jimmy to write for my blog….
but he tells me that asking him to do that is like him asking me to do a math problem.
touche.
But when considering what to write for the Tuesdays Unwrapped post I wanted to do today,
I came across this poem he had written me while we were dating.
And once I got permission from him,
I knew I had to post it.
Because my husband is TOTALLY an unwrapped gift from God.
I DID NOT have a history of choosing good guys to date,
so how I married the best one out there,
is only because of God’s love and grace!
*******
My Place to Be
My life began 23 years ago..
But it feels as though it just began 2 months ago,
when walking through my familiar fields,
I encountered the most beautiful perfect flower I had ever seen.
She was the most rare flower ever to grow on the earth, for she was the only one,
And she was called Summer, because where she grows it is always summer.
Fascinated and intriqued,
I plucked the flower from the ground to admire every detail,
I brought her near my face and became intoxicated by her essence.
I held the delicate Summer with shaky, protecting hands,
I knew she trusted me.
But I thought I heard a small voice,
so I brought the flower near my ear,
and my heart broke to hear Summer crying deep down inside.
I couldn’t bear to know she had pain,
and her crying out for sympathy, understanding, and love was my opportunity,
my chance to show her how much I loved her.
I asked why she cried,
and she said her past hurt her still,
I said,
“Who hurt you and how many? And I will love and give tenfold what they took.”
And I knew she trusted me.
She said,
“I cry most because I fear you may not be strong enough to know.”
But I wanted her pain on me and my joy on her.
She spoke, and I became heavy and confused, and I began to cry,
My hand tightened around the flower, and I started to crush her,
my hand tightened until I felt her heart break.
And she just looked at me and said,
“I love you, do you still love me?”
I opened my hand and began weeping at how I had hurt the beautiful, unique Summer.
I could not see through my tears, and I could not hear her over my sobbing.
But she persistently spoke until I listened,
and she told me to stop crying, and look at her.
There I saw the beautiful Summer, restored and perfect.
She said,
“Don’t cry, you didn’t crush me, you just closed me up,
But God created me to reopen when it is safe,
And you know I trust you.”
My tears of sorrow turned to tears of joy,
I was given a second chance to love this flower and let her grow.
I told her,
“I will plant you again so you can continue to grow,
and be the way you were when i first found you,
But there is nowhere else I want to go,
I cannot be without you.
So I will plant myself right here next to you,
and our Father will tend to us with living water.
And I will stay here with you until our Father picks us to put in His house.”
And thus my life began.
-Jimmy
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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monday muse fashion post

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Just got this jumper dress this weekend from a thrift store I found right around the corner from my hair salon.
And it was $3.
Oh the joy.
Brand is Bitten by SJP, gotta love her, right?
I totally felt like a little girl wearing this today,
which was nice because with how tired I am,
I’ve been feeling like an old lady most days.
People, I am tie-errrrrd.
I mean this transition is amazing and wonderful and I wouldn’t trade it for the world,
but woah.
I mean, life is all whack.
I seriously don’t know which way is up.
I like things scheduled and in their place….
so that’s my goal this week.
I need to do my best to get life back on track so I can breathe again.
Ahhhh, breathing.
I kinda remember what that is like.
Just barely.
By the way, I finally have the Shop My Closet up.
But be warned,
I was rushing through a to do list,
and it was all I could do just to take the pictures and get them up.
Because I made a promise,
and I KEEP my promises.
It’s all about you guys.
Sometimes.
© 2010 “Le Musings of Moi”
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