Unfulfilled

This is by far one of my most special posts to date. Because not only was it my heart….but it reached someone else’s. And when that person called me in tears, because something I wrote had touched her….I was humbled. And in awe of how God can work.
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A void beckoned within.
A soul mate. A love. A piece of my puzzle missing, and so the search began.
What I never expected or deserved was handed from above. Contentment. Love.
And yet, I remained incomplete.
Years later, the tears would fall. A longing. A familiar void.
Incomplete?
Babies. The answer would be babies.
With watered eyes, I shared such revelations with Jimmy. Together we held hands and took in the moment. The moment of finding completion. My tears of sadness turned to tears of hope.
A month went by and I became pregnant. 9 long months later, my beautiful son was born. I felt amazing. I had purpose. My baby.
Time continued to pass as the seasons changed, and yet I remained the same. Purposeless. Filled with a void. A longing.
Incomplete.
I had my soul mate. I had my baby. What could be missing?
And so I searched and searched. I cried and cried. Then I waited and waited.
Still nothing, and the void became all encompassing.
My self, my soul, my smile and heart….were lost to the search. The quest. The hopelessness.
A bigger house, a higher raise, a nicer car….another baby.
And still. I remained. Unfulfilled.
As a secret is whispered softly from ones lips to anothers ears, the truth recently became mine. My eyelids heavily came to a close. A breath escaped from my soul.
It was not outside of me. It was not even within my physical or emotional grasp.
Yet I felt it, I heard it. Beyond and inside. All encompassing. Lifting me up, beckoning me on. Right there, right here.
Standing still. I knew.
The void still existing…yet subsiding one breath at a time.
Nothing physical could make it dissipate.
So I give my heart, my soul, my life…all that is within and all that is external…and the moment I do,
His breath replaces mine.
Not lost, not without hope, not without purpose. Not unfulfilled. Created for a purpose.
One breath at a time, I draw nearer toward becoming perfectly complete.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. phew!…thx for the warning at the beginning of your post!
    Lady, that’s the most painful, truthful, rewarding quest you’re on.
    and somehow, despite our different stories, i very deeply understand what you’re saying and feeling.
    can i tell you how grateful i am that you share?
    hugs and lots of love…

  2. Wow! That is awesome. I love it. We all get to that point where we are searching and saying is this really all there is? There has to be more. And there is MORE! Only in him. Love the message and your right. That is a special post!

  3. Wow! That is awesome. I love it. We all get to that point where we are searching and saying is this really all there is? There has to be more. And there is MORE! Only in him. Love the message and your right. That is a special post!

  4. Wow! That is awesome. I love it. We all get to that point where we are searching and saying is this really all there is? There has to be more. And there is MORE! Only in him. Love the message and your right. That is a special post!

  5. Love this post…has to be one of my favs also. So thankful that He does fill that void and gives us life to the fullest. Oh how He Loves us!

  6. What a beautiful, touching post. And what a perfect time of year for this. Thanks for sharing this.

  7. Wow, that is the most the most truthful, gut wrenching, raw post I have ever read.

  8. This post truly touched me. I have been in a similar situation.

  9. Summer, I missed this post the first time around, and I’m kinda glad because it really speaks to me right now. I think everyone feels this way at some point in there lives, and it’s good to be reminded that we, on our own with nothing doing nothing, are good enough. So often we are on the perpetual quest to fulfill our souls, when really the only thing that can fill our souls is loving ourselves and knowing God.

    This is such a beautiful post, and I wouldn’t mind at all if you reposted it monthly!

    Merry Christmas!

  10. Beautiful.
    I love your candor…it’s when we’re open & honest before God that we can be open & honest with each other.

    I love you…big time. And I’m proud to call you my sister.
    xoxo

  11. That is such an amazing post.
    My goodness girly, you know how to make a girl search her soul… 🙂 Thank you for that!

  12. Wow, I don’t even know what else to say. That was amazing. Love you girl!

  13. This is amazing. And so are you! Thanks for sharing! XOXO