Archives for September 2009

fashion feathery friday

September 18, 2009

Dress:

Can I just say, I am freaking in love with this dress? In love I tell you. In freaking love. It’s like it was made to fit me. And I feel sassy when I wear it. {As if I’m not already.} So, I was on a Personal Shopping job {my new up and coming business, more on that later}, and I accidentally found this dress for me while I was shopping for her. There I was, in Forever 21, and on the sale rack, for $12 was the new love of my life!!! I think a few girls may have slipped on THE DROOL that followed behind me as I ran to the fitting room. And as I zipped her up, she (the dress) knew she had finally come home. I mean, seriously….it’s cute, it’s black, it’s sassy and sweet, all at the same time. Kinda like me. Except the black part. {At least I’m not on the outside anyway.} 😉

Denim Jacket:

I love pairing denim jackets with dressy outfits when I want to bring down the fancy factor. This jacket I’ve had for years, the tag says J&Co, and I’m assuming I bought it at either Ross or TJ {Maxx}. I can’t even begin to remember how much it was for, but I’m guessing in the teens. I roll like that.

Boots:

So, it was between these boots and my triple strapped mary jane heels, but I felt like the boots just seemed right. The heels brought a bit of um, how shall we say, sexy?…and that wasn’t so much the look I was going for. These babies, which you’ve seen plenty of before (I should mention I’ve had them 5 years!), are Anne Klein from TJ Maxx. I think, if I remember right, they were in the $30 range. I ‘think’ because I have a hard time spending more than $30 on a pair of shoes. Unless, of course, they are my baby Lou Lou’s. {Louboutins}

Purse:

While I may fool you into thinking this purse is MJ {Marc Jacobs}, you would be just that….fooled. Oh no, this piece of yummy goodness is from one of my most favorite purse websites ever, Fashion Junkee. They have the most amazing purses that are identical to the real thing, and for waaaaay less of a price. And, they’re great quality!!! I actually bought this exact purse in gray too, and then my two older sisters bought them too. Love. I get stopped all the time asking, #1 if it’s MJ and #2 where I got it. And they still have more. Go. Just go.

Necklaces:

Actually all just one necklace from F21 {Forever 21}, $11

Ring:

Another find that I am dying over. I’ve slowly been working up my collection of chunky rings, and this one is at the top of my favorites list. I also bought it in leopard because, well, sometimes I feel sweet like a zebra but sometimes I feel fiesty like a leopard. Okay, so maybe that didn’t make sense. But whatever, I love them. Oh, and did I mention I’m a mark rep, and you can actually buy these gems from my site?!? Amazing rings, mark.com, $9!

Bracelet:

Actually a thrifted chain necklace wrapped around a bunch.

So, wow, I guess talking about clothes and shopping sure brought me out of my writing slump! Funny how that works. Maybe I should take my sisters advice and try to stop being so deep and instead shallow it up a bit. Huh.

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

taking a break

September 17, 2009

Didn’t you know that this style is all the rage right now?

Okay not really. I just took out a braid and thought it looked hilarious.

That’s all.

I’m just feeling like I need a break. I’m busy questioning things. My Ability To Write, Life, Blogging, People, What I’m Going To Do With My Life, you know….Deep Stuff.

So, excuse me while I put away my computer and snuggle with my man, and think. I’ll be back tomorrow for Fashion Friday.

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

paxil, lexapro, prozac…oh my!

September 16, 2009

{Triple Threat}

Oooh, got your attention there didn’t I?

So, the older I get, the more I wonder when I’m in a room filled with people, how many of them are on antidepressants?!? I used to think I was the only one. Now, I’m sure that I’m not.

Shoot, I’m not the only one with issues. You know how I know this?

I know this, because I’m not the only with kids.

My first experience with the AD’s was when I was a freshman in High School. As I’ve talked about a little bit before on my blog, I was a victim of rape in 9th grade at a party I should have never been at. And with all the pain and humiliation I went through during and afterwards, my dad brought me to a counselor (thank the LORD!) who suggested I might cope better with the help of Prozac.

I was broken and desperate, and I took that pill as though my life depended on it. 6 months later, I was out of my darkness, and I said goodbye to the big P.

Here’s the great thing about me. Well one of the many great things…I have a predisposition to depression. It’s on both sides, and I’m just one of the lucky daughters who gets to take it on.

Yes, God thinks I’m strong. And I’m not talking about these guns either…although….

{not even close to what’s inside}

For the most part, I’ve been able to keep the depression at bay without meds, except for one other time in my adult life. While most may think the first year of marriage is all about a honeymoon stage, for me, I was F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G out. Freaking out leads to tears, which led to anxiety and pooping and well, eventually back to my happy pills. {I had an amazing husband, obviously, the issues were all about me. It’s me, not you.}

Oh ya people, I really know how to party.

A year later, I chilled out, got my stuff together, and dropped ’em like it’s hot.

But then I had a baby.

And then I had to deal with death while having a kid, who might I mention never stopped whining or crying or throwing himself on the floor when people looked at him…..all the freaking day long.

{Feeling the pain}

And then, let’s really talk about anxiety, the awful, I can’t eat, I need to poop, what is sleep?, no I don’t want to talk on the phone or leave my house, kind of anxiety. And it sucked. Just slightly.

I called my doctor and begged for the pills. Please anything! Shoot, I would have swallowed sushi (I hate sushi) if he told me it would make me better.

He tried one, and after weeks of feeling completely STONED all the while still ANXIOUS, we finally decided that ummmm ya, maybe it just wasn’t the match for me. As much as you would think being stoned could be fun, let me tell you, mixed with anxiety, not so much fun. Nope, not so much.

Was I unfixable?

But then I saw the healer. A new doctor with a new plan.

He spent time with me, reviewed my history, my families history, and really listened to me. And then he broke the news to me. I may very well be a lifer. But I was okay with that. Because my family needs me. And when I’m busy in the bathroom with anxiety poo (don’t eeeeeven get me started on anxiety poo), I can’t very well be a good mother.

It’s now been about two years since I’ve really had any bad long lasting anxiety and even longer for depression. And the longer I go, the more confident I feel. I totally one hundred percent believe God can heal through medication.

I know that there are so many people out there who feel shame about having or needing to take these happy pills, and I just don’t get it.

Life is short, I want to enjoy it. I want to be the best I can possibly be in this life.

So, while some may look down on me or think I’m weak, I know in my heart I am not. I am stronger than I ever believed. And I will do whatever I have to do, take whatever I have to take to be there for my husband and my kids. I am not ashamed.

{I will climb any mountain. For them.}

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

he said what?!?

September 15, 2009

Sometimes he says the funniest things:

Changing into his gi at Karate:

Me: Why don’t you wear underwear?

Him: Hmmmm, I don’t know. I guess I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Going to stand in the corner after getting out of bed:

Jimmy: Go to the corner, there is no grace tonight.

Him: No! No! Daddy, I’m so tired, I must go back to bed.

Jimmy: Sorry, you got out of bed. Now you need to go to time out.

Him: But, I’m so tired, if you send me to the corner, then I’ll just fall asleep there. You don’t want me to fall asleep there! That’s just not good! I’m not supposed to sleep in the corner!!!

And then sometimes, he just so stinkin sweet. {I think he gets it from his dad.}

On our way home from special time at Seaworld, talking about our favorite parts.

Me: My favorite part was when we were waiting for the Pets Rules show to start and you just leaned over and hugged me really tight. That was my favorite part.

Him: Mom, it’s just that I was so happy. Thank you for taking me for some special time. I love you so much.

One morning when he was getting dressed. He found two pairs of shorts that was very similar to each other.

Him: Dad, I already have a pair of these shorts. So, can you take these and give them to another little boy who needs them?

But then he does things that are so….unexpected.

After swimming he went to the patio to put his shorts out to dry, when suddenly he came in and said in dramatic form:

Him: MOM, DAD! You have to come here quick. There is something outside that is NOT SUPPOSED to be there.

Me: Is it a bug?

Him: NO!

Jimmy: Is it a purse?

Him: NO!

Me: Is it a bird?

Him: NO!

Jimmy: Is it poop? {Guys always go there!}

Him: YES!!!

And then because I had just recently read this post:

Me: Is it YOUR poop?!?

Him: YES!

So, the story is after some serious questioning….he tooted and what do you know. Poop. We call it a shart in our house. Not sure how appropriate that may be, but whatever. We do the best we can. And no, we don’t say shart in front of the children. We’re not that inappropriate.

Oh the ups and downs and question marks of having boys.

I love that kid.

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

what the heck is bsf?!?

September 14, 2009

The first day of the rest of my life wasn’t when I met Jimmy.

Or when I had kids.

Or even when I started this blog.

The first day of the rest of my life was when I knew I had found my BSF.

Okay, so are you ready for what BSF means?

Best Sister Forever.

Sweet isn’t it? Do you need a moment to grab a tissue? You might want to, because it gets even sweeter.

Besides our commonality of being witty and pretty and bright, we also have, as she already stated a mutual love for Etsy and dead dads. Or passed away fathers, as I like to say it. We had so much in common, that we felt more than a friendly bond. It felt….sisterly.

Aren’t you glad you have that tissue now?

Hold on a second….I can barely see through the mist in my eyes….

At first it began innocent enough. We started simply by reading each others blogs. But quickly, we got bored, as it often happens in new relationships.

And so we mutually made the decision to move along to first base, emailing. And while that felt good and all, we needed more.

It was time for second base. IM’ing. And let me tell you, it. got. hot. We would spend hours, HOURS, searching through etsy and sharing our latest loves.

And as we grew safer and safer with each other through our love of etsy, we sped along to third base. Talking about the dads we lost. And we bonded over the hurt, the pain, and the life lessons we’d learned by experiencing such grief.

And then we knew.

It was time to bring it home. Home freaking base. We planned to meet. Face to face.

And while she wanted to spend all our face time making out with me (her words not mine), I thought it might be better if we kept it rated G, and instead offered to meet for dinner. With um, our families along. I just couldn’t risk the chance of her taking away my innocence.

You can read all about that meeting here, you know, in case you didn’t already see it on E! News.

So that, my dear friends, is the secret behind BSF. Now you know. You get to be in da club.

Now raise your tissues (as sopping wet as they may be) and lets cheers to sister friends. Best Sister Friends Forever. Ooooh, BSFF!

This one’s for you Kat. *sniff sniff*

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

fashion friday

September 11, 2009

Dress: Heritage, $22 {Forever 21}

I just have to say I spent way too long with this dress in the dressing room. I think I tried it on at least five times, and hmmmm’d and haaaaa’d over whether I was too old to wear it. And then I thought, forget it, I like it so too bad if I’m too old. Anyway, my kids are too young to be embarrassed of me yet.

Bon Jovi Tee: Heritage, $18 {Forever 21}

Shorts: American Eagle, $9 {Plato’s Closet Resale}

You can’t see these, but I was wearing them under the dress, because I’m a mom and a wife, and it was the right thing to do. The Duggars would be proud of my modesty. Or maybe not.

Knee Highs: $6, {TJ Maxx}

Boots: Mossimo, $30ish {Target}

Necklaces: Randoms from my thrift stores

Purse: mark, $32 {mark.com}

I’m sure you know this already, but how crazy is it that 8 years ago, was the 9/11?

It started out such an awful day for me, being that I was going through a heart wrenching break up, so when my roommates mom called all frantic and asking me how I was doing, I felt touched and began crying to her all about how much I hurt.

Little did I know that that day was not about me or the loss of a boyfriend, and she was definitely not asking about me and my little boy issues.

I spent the rest of the morning with a friend at breakfast while we just watched the news in a complete state of shock.

Everything changed for me that day. And a year later I went to Ground Zero to volunteer at a local church where they were ministering to the firefighters.

What we did to help, it didn’t begin to touch what they did and were continuing to do.

Not a day should go by that they aren’t being thanked or honored for going above and beyond.

So thank you, once again, thank you.

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

saying goodbye to my boo

September 10, 2009

My friends were right. I couldn’t pass up a chance to write about the following experience. It’s real life yo. It’s relatable. So listen up.

I had quite the traumatic day yesterday. It was heartbreaking, tormenting, and downright brutal.

I had to say goodbye to my boo.

See that band-aid I’m sporting on my neck?

That’s my boo boo.

Because I lost my boo.

My beauty mark that has always been there.

I often likened it to Cindy Crawfords mole. You know, I felt a kinship with her because of it.

But now I am more in the camp of Sarah Jessica Parker.

Because it’s gone. Gone, gone, gone.

And I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye.

So, I went into the Derm’s office with Chloe so that they could check out some freckles on the two of us. I should have known by the cotton mouth and shakes I got in the waiting room that nothing good was to come of this visit.

While I was sitting on the exam table, I mentioned that oh maybe one day in the far far future we could possibly maybe talk about having my boo removed.

You know, since Chloe seems to think it’s her own personal play toy these days.

And then before I could say ‘I hate needles,” she whips one out and gives me a shot and suddenly the blood that belonged in my brain went to my toes, and I saw my life flash in front of my eyes.

The life I had with my mole. My sweet sweet trademark mole.

And while it didn’t hurt, and I didn’t see the needle, what happened next may have you to believe otherwise.

I almost passed out.

And they had to take my crying baby (who by the way, was crying because we are one like that. She was in tune with my loss you see.) away from me and then instantly put back my head and raised up my legs.

There I was with my paper shirt (opened in the back) and my paper skirt tucked into my grannies, lying back trying to magically change my skin coloring back from green to California tan.

It was all such a blur. And honestly, I had no time to think. No time to ponder the loss I was about to experience.

But, my body knew. Oh yes, my body knew.

It knew it was about to lose a valuable member and it was not letting go without a fight.

As I laid there, I realized that this was symbolic.

I had this epiphany on my weekend getaway.

I am making some changes in my life.

And a moleless neck was a symbol of starting over.

I was a new woman.

A new woman who still felt like she was going to pass out.

But, being the amazing actress that I am, I decided to (wo)man up.

So I got myself together, took my baby back in my arms and asked what was next.

Momma all better.

Only next it was Chloe’s turn. It was time to lay her naked baby body on the table and hold her arms while these beasts dug into her stomach to biopsy a freckle and then of all the nerve, STITCH IT BACK UP!

For the love of God.

My poor sweet innocent baby.

And while I stood for a minute, I remembered that the two of us were one and that as she had cried for me, this time I also was feeling her pain.

I quickly realized that my acting abilities couldn’t compete with the lack of blood in my brain, and I noticed my toes were feeling unusually warm again.

So, slyly I rolled over the doctors stool and sat my paper covered bootie down and laid my bloodless head next to Chloe’s screaming red head.

Oh the SCREAMING!

Not the “I’m in pain” screaming, but the “I’M SO SCARED AND I’M AFRAID FOR MY LIFE, MY GOD MOM, WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING THEM TO DO THIS TO ME” kind of screaming.

And then I got hot all over, and I couldn’t shed the paper shirt fast enough, and the green once again replaced my tan, and I began to slump.

Once again, they took my baby and I was once again placed on the table with my feet in the air and my head tilted back and this time, I even got a Capri Sun fed to me by straw.

I’m telling you. Two moles removed was complete drama.

DRAMA.

So, as you can see I lived to tell. But, barely.

Just. Barely.

And now I’m boo-less.

In it’s place is a boo boo.

And Chloe has one too.

But we’re strong.

We’ll pull through.

Until two weeks from now when we have to go back and have her stitches removed.

I think I’ll prep my xanax for that one.

Oh my word, can you say scaredy cat?

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

ending the blog

September 9, 2009

Once again, we have more Q&A, and once again it’s that Mama Kat who can’t get enough.

She asks:

How often do you repeat outfits? Are you weird about that?

Every day. My mommy attire that I wear: yummy sweats, soft and worn tank, cozy sweatshirt.

Outside the house? I try to span things out, but sometimes I will wear the same thing twice in the same week if I love it that much, and I’m not going to be seeing the same people. Otherwise, I try to only wear the same thing at least once a month around the same people.

So, yes, I guess I am a little weird about that. Huh.

Is blogging still fun for you? Will you ever stop? How many followers will be enough? How does Jimmy feel about you blogging? Would you ever go to a blogging convention?

Blogging, which to me is really just writing, is always fun for me. But, now that I have a public website to put it on, it definitely made things change a little. For awhile I think I got a little lost in where I was going with it. While I am still sorting that out, I realize that not writing isn’t an option. It’s in me to do this. If I stopped, I think I would lose a part of me. While I may cut back from time to time, or change up the way I do things, quitting is not an option.

As for followers, this used to be a HUGE deal to me. Like, well…huge. I thought I was nothing, that my words and my story were nothing, if I didn’t have a certain number of people loving and publicly following my blog.

Now, I’m caring less and less.

Writing for me, initially, was never about my ego. It was never about achieving fame or incurring income. I can’t say enough that it was simply for the fact that I wanted to make a difference. That I wanted to use my writing to give laughter and hope.

I’m trying to get back to that.

Even if it means less followers or not as high of popularity. Ahhhh, High School, how I’ve missed you.

I just want to feel good about what I’m doing and why.

And the encouragement I have received, the affirmation, the emails….the love given by everybody who reads my blog is all I need to keep going.

In fact, I have even gone so far as to think about removing the followers gadget so that my # of followers is a mystery to all who come here.

I’m thinking about it. Just thinking. So, we’ll see.

As for Jimmy, he loves that I am back to writing again.

Blogging convention? Mmmmm….we’ll see. I’ll never say never.

If you tell Sera what BSF means you have to tell her how it started and our mutual love for Etsy and dead dads.

Okay, so are you ready for what BSF means?

Dang it. This post is already so freaking long….

And it’s such a good story. A HOT story. That it really needs your undivided attention.

I guess I’ll have to save it for tomorrow.

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

fireproof

September 8, 2009

So, I had several friends tell me that Jimmy and I just had to watch this movie, Fireproof.

And so, many moons later, we gave in and rented it despite the fact that Kirk Cameron was in it. Not saying I don’t love the guy….

{Mike Sever Fever}

But, it’s Mike Sever!!!

Anyway, here’s the dialogue Jimmy and I had the first ten minutes of the movie:

Me: Wow, the acting….something’s not right. Is it the acting?

Him: Maybe it’s the music. Or the acting. How long should we give it?

Me: Well at least three trusted sources said it was good, so I guess we should hang in there.

Him: Mmmm kay.

And then I started texting those people who told me to watch it and said, “Seriously?!? The acting!!! Cheesy, right?!?”

But an hour later, we had forgotten the bad acting and were instead mesmerized by the story. The familiar story to so many marriages.

And when it was finished, I wanted to call every couple I knew and tell them they needed to rent it. Especially because my man was the sweetest ever the minute the credits rolled.

He said:

On the day we were married, you had impacted my life so much so that no matter how you could possibly change in the future, it was worth the commitment I was making to stay with you for the rest of my life. That’s how much I loved you then, and I am even more in love with you now. I made a commitment to you and I will always fight for you. No matter what.

Okay, seriously?!?

Getting through the cheese is totally worth your husband saying sweet things to you.

If you’re married, go rent it and watch it together.

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!

this one is specifically for you

September 7, 2009

I have never officially thanked those of you who take time out of your day to come to my little corner here on Le Musings of Moi.

And so thank you.

I never imagined when I began writing that people I didn’t know would care. Or get it. Or relate. Or even want to come back more than once.

I took a risk. I shared my voice through words. I was just me.

And you made it safe to do so.

So thank you.

While I write because it is simply in me, I find my motivation is in the encouragement, the vulnerability, the humor, the very words you give back to me.

Writing feeds my soul, but I have learned….

So do you.

You have validated me through your comments and through your emails.

I may not be the top blogger. I may not be the most popular. I may not always be funny, or witty, or pretty, or have the best outfits. I may not have made it on Momversation….or have been offered a million dollar book deal, yet.

But, I have you. You that willingly takes time out of your day to read what I have written.

That is insane to me.

It is incredibly humbling.

And I am honored.

Honored that you are here.

So thank you.

With all my heart.

Subscribe to Le Musings of Moi by Email

SHARE THIS POST

It means so much that you are here! I know life gets busy though, so if you don't want to miss a thing, I invite you to subscribe to my blog through email!