Archives for August 2009

it’s like this and like that and like this and uh….

August 19, 2009

Today, I’ve got nothing. Nothing witty or planned or exciting. And yet, I must write. I promised myself, this was the year I would push myself to write every day.

So, I will just go with a plethora of things on my mind. Get ready for an exciting ride.

I am LOVING my Tracy Anderson workouts. I have yet to have her body…or her boobs (I wonder if doing her workouts can shrink my body and grow my boobs….), but I can say that every day I am excited to put the videos on and get my bootie busy. And while I’m not quite as gifted in the coordination department and she may be, I have a feeling in a few weeks, I may be somewhat ready to audition for So You Think You Can Dance. Or, maybe even Dancing With the Stars. It’s about time they have a blogger on that show. Hey, we’re stars too! And each season that passes, they do seem more hard up for “stars.” So hey, DWTS, I’m available!

Sometimes I think when your kids are really pushing you to the limits, it’s not so bad to allow them to see some tiny portion of the mental breakdown you may be having. Example: Taylor threw the LARGEST temper tantrum last week during his swim lesson. It was so bad that the entire pool as well as the neighborhood surrounding the school, stopped what they were doing and all turned to stare at the hot mess that was my son. I felt rage. And shame. And utter humiliation. And once I made it to the car and got both my screaming children in their seats, I got in, locked the doors, and joined in on the tantrum. And I cried. And I cried and I cried and I cried. All the way home, all the way through dinner, all the way through bedtime. And while all Tay got to see was the portion in the car, it was enough to sober the child up a bit. I explained to him that my heart was sad because his attitude was so bad. And ever since….there have been no more tears at swim. So, I’m just sayin’.

Speaking of discipline, I have this great system in place for Taylor. When he’s in trouble I send him to the bathroom for time out. It’s far enough away from my hanging out space that I don’t have to hear him, and it’s boring enough that he doesn’t want to be in there for long. But, here’s the best part. When I send him there, I hand him a Clorox wipe and order him to clean the counter and the sink, and not to come out until it’s done. I would say at least every other day I have a clean bathroom, if not every day. It’s lovely.

Every once in awhile I question my need for Social Media. Like why do I need to tell strangers my every passing thought or action going on in my life? And then I realize, it makes me feel attached to society when I’m home all day with kids. Then I love it.

I have recently learned that PMS is real. And for me it means lots of crying and lots of carb eating. And it isn’t my favorite time of the month. Nor is it Jimmy’s.

I have a stack of little things I need to do, and every day I don’t do them. What is wrong with me?

I’m getting a tattoo for my birthday, and this is where I think I want it. Now I just need to design it and get some vicodin to get me through the pain. I can’t wait.

Annnnnd, that’s about all I have. Trust me, it was as exciting for me to write as I’m sure it was for you to read.

Take care then.

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design moments in le home of moi

August 18, 2009

Just thought I would share some of my favorite design moments in my home….which is always in constant decor transition. But, here’s a peek at what’s going on as of late.

This is my living room as you walk in the front door. I’m loving the pops of color as we definitely needed it in this little apartment. It really does brighten up the space.

As soon as I saw this coffee table on craigslist, I had to have it. It’s what I never knew I wanted. And it works perfectly in helping to brighten up the dark furniture. For whatever reason I am loving white in decor these days. And color. Color and white mixed is just yummy. And isn’t that flower ball amazing? We got to take it home from a wedding this last weekend.

This is what you look at as you are sitting on the couch. It helps to balance out the oddly placed fireplace. I have a feeling I will constantly be changing up what goes on the shelves. But for now, this works.

My sister got my this clock for me at Christmas one year, and I have it in our hallway right now. I think it’s adorable, and it makes me smile every time I walk by it.

This is a “moment” beside Taylor’s bed. It’s extra special to me, because of the ships wheel on his shelf. It was the only thing I was able to have from my dad, who passed away almost 7 years ago. (Long story for another time) I love that I was able to incorporate it into Tay’s room. I also put up those pictures of vintage cars, because they were a favorite of my dads as well. He actually had a Woody in mint condition when he passed away. He was so proud of it.

This is my most favorite moment in the whole apartment. The patio outside our bedroom. The couches are so cozy, the view is amazing, and it’s so nice and clean and without kid stuff. I love going out at night to watch the sunset or during nap time to read a magazine. Being that it faces a neighborhood and a canyon, it’s incredibly quiet and peaceful.

So, thanks for visiting my casa, and I’m sure in a short amount time things will change again, and when it does I will be sure to post more pictures…

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q&a: i’m getting raw, baby, raw!

August 17, 2009

Another round of Q&A from the Blog Frog….

The first set of questions come from Erin of Lifes Little Miracles. Erin is the sweetest mom of the sweetest boys, and you absolutely must check out her blog.

How’s the P90X coming along?

Well, let me first say I loved P90X. For the first 9 months that I did it. And then, not so much. It got to the point where I couldn’t even begin to think of doing another day of it, but I would get all dressed…put the video in….and then sit on the couch and stare at it. And then never work out. So it was definitely time to move on.

If you do enough of the P90X will THAT make you tired?

If you’re talking about my insomnia….I wish. Although, I am happy to report that once I posted about my sleepless nights I have been insomnia free ever since! I don’t know why that doesn’t work when I post about my 4 year old with attitude. I post about that all the time and his attitude isn’t ending. Oh well, I will take what I can get.

Have you tried the 30 day Shred?

No, but it’s definitely on my radar! Actually, I just ordered a plethora of workout videos. Two from Tracy Anderson (Gwenyth & Madonna’s trainer) and then Physique 57 (Kelly Ripa’s workout). I am convinced (yes I’m one of those suckers) that if I do what they do, I will look like them. Ya, so I’ll let you know how that works out!

And seriously, where in the world do you expect to lose weight from? Your big toe? hee hee

Actually, now that you mention it, my big toe could stand to use a few lb’s….. Actually, I have been working on not obsessing about weight, which is always a hard thing for me, so instead I am just going by how my clothes are fitting. And because I’m not so much loving how they fit these days…I’ve decided that it’s time to tone tone tone.

Speaking of weight….let’s move on to BelovedAimee’s questions from Reflections of Me.

She asks:

How are you doing without the scale? Have you cheated and stepped on someone else’s scale?

Okay….so in case you’re wondering what this question is all about, let me direct you here and then here for a little back story about my struggles. But, basically….I had this unhealthy habit of getting on the scale and then allowing what I saw to determine my happiness. If it was just a little bit up, I would feel close to tears. If it was a little bit down, I felt a sense of pride and victory. It was unhealthy to say the least. It was not a good way to be, and it was definitely not something I wanted Chloe to learn from me, so I needed to make some changes. And in that change, I gave up the scale.

It was surprisingly hard in the beginning, but I am one of those girls who hate to fail. So, when I make a decision, USUALLY, I stick to it. And I did! I stayed off that baby. Until….

I decided to do The Master Cleanse. It’s a book that I read about changing your eating habits, and I was curious how it would affect my weight once I was following the guidelines. I convinced myself it was for the cleanse and not to do with anything regarding my unhealthiness. Um ya, not so much. Old habits die hard, and I was quickly sucked back in to the ‘oh my gosh, I’m up two pounds!’ Or, ‘Wow I’m the shiz because check this out, I’m down 3!’ It made me sick to my tummy, so once again I decided to go back to business, and away from the scale I went.

Until….

I got this Wii Pilates game to try out, and as I was setting up my profile, it flashed my weight!!! And I was up from what I had been the last time my feet met the scale….and I almost cried.

So, there’s my confession.

I’m back off the scale once again…(sounds like, I’m off the booze…) and let me just tell you, there is such a sense in freedom in letting those numbers go. Honestly, I enjoy life so much more when I just stick to how I feel and how I feel in my clothes…and bathing suit. lol.

If you have any issues with this, you’re not alone….and you have to read the book, I’m Beautiful Dammit. It’s what opened my eyes to my problems (well, this one anyway) and helped me to get started on a new and healthier path.

You can only shop at one store for the rest of your life…which is it?

Oh shoot. This is tough. And I’m almost embarrassed to admit that it would be between Forever 21 and My Thrift Store. But, because I almost always find something at F21 and not always at MTS, I would have to go with F21. I know, cheesy huh? The sad thing is that even if I was filthy rich, I would probably still shop there….I’m more of a quantity over quality girl. I like lots and lots of options. So, yes….as lame as it may sound, I choose Forever 21.

Oh wait.

I forgot about the Triple Threat Stores (TTT). Ross, TJ Maxx, and Marshalls. Um…

I just. can’t. choose.

Okay, since it’s the rest of my life, I choose TTT since they cater to all ages and all interests of my shopping addiction. Home decor, clothes, jewelry, and shoes.

Final answer.

What was you 2nd favorite subject in school?

Second favorite…hmmmm….Well, English was by far my first favorite. Unfortunately, it was my first period class which was hard for me to wake up for. Therefore, I missed a lot, therefore I had too many absences, therefore I lost credit, therefore it caused me to have to repeat sophomore English as a Junior. Good thing I liked it. But, the second time I took it, I made sure it wasn’t first period.

{I still have recurring dreams about losing credit in classes because of too many absences…so apparently it had a quite an effect on me.}

But you didn’t ask about that…so second favorite….was….Marketing. Which was basically a time to play Monopoly because our teacher was too busy hitting on the girls in the school to teach the class. So ya, I took it all 4 years. I’m really good at Monopoly.

Okay, that wraps up today’s questions. Got some of your own? Want to get deep? Serious? Raw?!?!? Then go here and ask away!!!

And sorry this was so long…I can get a little carried away talking about myself. Whoops.

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i hope you laugh

August 16, 2009

These are the moments I am IN LOVE with my babies….

I cannot for a moment live without the amazing sounds that I’m sure could only come from heaven….my babies laughter.

Happy Sunday!

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fashion friday

August 14, 2009

I am so loving how the nights are starting to cool down again, it’s really making me ready for fall clothing. And I just couldn’t wait a second longer to break out the boots…

Okay, so this is what we have here….the zebra print dress is once again, from Ross. {I think I cleared them out on my weekend shopping extravaganza.} The knee highs, TJ Maxx. Most adorable gray boots ever, Target. Yum. The bajillion chains are actually just one necklace from Forever 21, and I added in of course my mommy necklace from etsy. My Tiffany ring was a gift from my man. And I think, if I remember right, the purse is also from Ross…..

Gotta love Ross. Sometimes. It’s a hit and miss, and you gotta be in the mood to search. But, I adore searching. The hunt is such a thrill for me. It’s like an amazing high….that doesn’t send you to the ER in dry heaves. But, I wouldn’t know anything about that.

Cough cough.

Anyway…I think I may end up doing some fashion posts this weekend, as my social calendar is quite full. And when I have events to attend, it must be documented to prove, that yes, my bootie does indeed leave the couch sometimes. Sometimes.

Now, if you have a fashion related post either from today or this week, feel free to link up! Just be sure to link it back to this post, on the off chance they need more inspiration from the other participator(s). lol

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there once was a girl that did bad things

August 13, 2009

Once upon a time there lived a young girl, around the age of 15, who lived in a far away land called Boredomton. Now this young sweet tender hearted girl had found herself on a path that wasn’t nearly as sweet as her soul, and she began to spend time with bad people doing bad things.

Sweet girls who want love and acceptance tend to do stuff like that, you know. Don’t judge.

Anyway, many times this girl and her friends liked to go out and make their sadness, confusion, insecurities, and whatnot disappear by finding ways to alter their minds.

Sweet girls also do that when they aren’t feeling heard or cared about. Or when they just have a really stubborn and rebellious streak. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying, it happens. Again don’t judge.

But one night, among the Independence Day fireworks, this group of friends realized that the things they usually turned to were not available. And they wondered…what were they to do to have fun? Because living in a land called Boredomton, you can imagine, fun was not readily available.

And so this sweet young girl and her equally sweet best friend found themselves being offered something they considered second best to the “natural” mind alterers they normally used. Well, not really, since to be honest they didn’t even know exactly what they were taking…but the bad witches dressed up like friends, told them it was second best, and the innocent best friends didn’t know otherwise.

12 caffeine pills later, fun was being had. All the friends, and the witches dressed up like friends, and the two sweet beautiful innocent girls began to run all over the land. This way and that, to and fro…back and forth, up and down. They were having so much fun, that is, until the spell of the pills began to wear off.

And the good girls and the bad friends began to feel not so good, and very quickly it became not so fun. The sweetest girl of them all, decided to take a bath, because she had been told baths make everything better. Yet, when she looked in the mirror mirror on the wall…there were three of the fairest faces of them all staring back at her.

And then the puking began. And it came and it came and it came, and it would not stop. All of the evil ones who had pretended to be friends and the witches quickly left when they realized what they had done to the sweetest girls in the land.

The best friend came to be by the sick girls side, and together they made a pact not to tell a single soul what they had done. No. Matter. What.

When the best friends parents awoke to what sounded of dry heaves and death, they quickly gathered the two incredibly sweet and scared girls and rushed them to the ER.

And the sweetest girl of all continued to dry heave and puke all the live long way.

At once she was rushed into the hospital, into the room, and quickly hooked up to heart monitors while they began running test after test. And the sweet naive and dishonest girl, continued to cry and throw up and convulsively shake, and hold to the story that she was just. simply. sick.

That is, until the honest best friend began to throw up in the waiting room and fearing death, began to spill the events of the night, confessing to all of the caffeine pills taken since “natural” drugs were not available to said sweet perfect girls.

And the doctors came in to my, I mean, into the sweetest girls room and began to glare at her. All the while she continued to shake and shiver and dry heave. And she was sure her life would end. Only she was soon to find that the little energy pills were already well into her system and there was nothing they could do but allow the consequences to work themselves out….for another 12 hours.

And because God must reward honesty rather than HOLDING TO THE PACT!, the best friend was able to drink chalk, poop it out, and go home and sleep for 12 hours in her cozy bed. While back in the ER, the sweetest saddest girl of Boredomton was not able to sleep, poop, eat, or stop dry heaving while in the midst of convulsions.

And the next day, her fairest father came to pick her up to drive her home, but only after she spent a good hour with the social worker convincing her that, no she was not trying to end her life…she was simply doing what teenagers in a town called Boredomton do. Take things, do things, and then live to regret things.

Only when the social worker deemed her sweet and innocent and stupid, did she release her, and then the fairest father of the fairest daughter took her home.

And he said, “You are not in trouble. You paid your dues these last 12 hours, and I hope you learned your lesson.”

And she did.

She never ever took caffeine pills again. And eventually she moved far far away from the land of Boredomton.

This may or may not be a true story, but know that if it was a true story, you could learn a lesson that drugs are bad and they can quite possibly be a gateway to caffeine pills. And as two sweet girls learned…those are bad too.

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mid week fashion post

August 12, 2009

Just a little mid week fashion post…

I am always looking for a way to wear my Louboutins, and this dress just happened to go perfectly with them. Although, to be honest, I mostly wear it with sandals. Because my Baby Lou Lou’s are only for very special occasions. And can I just tell you that I was so sad when the bottoms of my babies got all scratched up the first time I wore them outside? So so sad. Heartbreaking really.

And just for the record, I’m not so much a name brand girl. When it comes to designer, I can take em or leave em. I mean, if it’s a bargain…of course, I’ll happily take em though. Of course. But these shoes….I birthed two babies to get these shoes. Plus, it’s kinda fun to say I have something in common with Oprah. And one of these days when I have my own magazine, and my face is on every months cover, then I can say we have TWO things in common.

One day.

Anyway, I am totally loving these maxi dresses, and if you are on the hunt for them, Ross has massive amounts and for amazing prices. I recently bought two, and while Jimmy doesn’t love how they hide my “figure,” that just happens to be the exact reason I love them. They are so very forgiving. Especially through any mid life crisis-PMS-your child/husband/family/boss is driving you crazy-type eating.

Speaking of which, I have to just say thank you from the very depths of my heart for the sweet and encouraging emails and comments I got from you guys yesterday!!! Even if it was just to say you know what I’m going through, it really meant the world to me, and many of them even brought me to tears. (Not that I wasn’t already close to there…) I am constantly in awe of how we can all as women be worlds apart and yet, with just a little bit of vulnerability and honesty, we are suddenly right there together.

That is exactly why I love writing, why I adore blogging, and why I never ever want to stop.

We just had a moment. Did you feel that?

It was special.

Let’s end here so we can bask in it.

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my mid life crisis

August 11, 2009

I try to keep the serious posts to a minimum on here…mostly because it’s too easy to wallow. It’s natural to complain. Yet, it takes work to find the humor in the stuff that just totally sucks. But, when you are able to do that, sometimes it takes you out of the moment, and it makes things just a little bit better.

It’s just that life is life (deep, I know), and sometimes you just can’t help but let it all out. Sometimes, the issues you’re having just need to be vomited out and you don’t quite feel like flowering it up or finding the funny. Much like vomit. It’s not flowery or funny.

So, I’m not sure where I’m at with how I want this to go….but I do feel ready to vomit. (For the record, I really hate that word.)

I’m just feeling kind of sick of myself, if I do say so myself.

I mean seriously, what am I doing with my life? (Hence the Intentional Parenting post!)

And I write this blog, but for what? Am I even achieving the purpose I set out for when I started it? I put in so much energy, emotions and effort….and sometimes I just wonder if it’s for naught.

And then why do I obsess and worry about things that I wish didn’t have any control over me? Why do I go back and forth on caring and then not caring? Why do these certain ‘strongholds’ battle my mind moment by moment?

This can’t be a midlife crisis yet, right? I mean, I’m much too young for that, right?!? And I certainly don’t feel the need to get a sports car. A tattoo maybe, but definitely not a sports car. Wait, I did go much lighter with my hair recently. And I am considering botox….

Oh crap.

Sometimes I just feel like I need to get away from everything. My life, my routine, my family….and just re-group. Figure out who I am now, in this stage of my life. Figure out what my goals are for this season that I’m in. I don’t know, I just feel…..a little bit lost. I feel like I’m just going through the motions without any lust for life. Without any hutspah. {I’ve always wanted to use that word, just didn’t mean to save it for a post like this.}

With the busyness of things, the constant tasks that are left to do, I honestly don’t leave much time to really dig deep. And I am starting to see the consequences of that. Ick. My attitude. My short fuse. My feeling so far from God. My feeling blah about things. My eating carbs and more carbs and more carbs….

It’s kinda hard to collect your thoughts with kids and life and a husband and a job. Okay, so maybe not so much for you, but I have attention span problems. I mean, I could barely pay attention during my own wedding vows!

I’m thinking there needs to be a getaway for mom’s specifically just for this. Maybe have some therapists at hand, a spa, a huge king size bed with a pillowtop mattress topped with a featherbed and a big fluffy comforter in your own private suite. Oooh, and a fireplace. And then for an hour a day (who are we kidding, I need more than that!) you go to therapy, followed by a two hour massage, a nice nap in your own bed, and then maybe group karaoke time later that night. {Karaoke is therapy in case you didn’t know.}

Yaaaaa, that’s where I think I need to go. For a week. Or a month, whatever….

See? Just thinking about that lifted my spirits a little.

I went in just a bit ago to Chloe’s room. I picked her up and immediately she snuggled her little sweet face into my neck and wrapped her tiny arms around my shoulders. At first I heard her let out a deep sigh, and then she relaxed into her sleepy rythmic breathing. My eyes filled with tears. And as I gently slow danced with her around her room, I knew that God has me in this place for a reason.

To be better. To grow. So that I can be the mom that my babies deserve. How will I ever be able to teach them to continue growing and learning, persevering, if I am not leading by example?

Sometimes God’s ways are not comfortable, but at least there is always a reason.

And maybe some of that reason is that I just need a spa vacation mixed with some therapy.

Because that works too.

One can hope anyway.

Mid life crisis #1 here I come.

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mama kats q & a: part 1.

August 10, 2009

My BSF Mama Kat started a discussion on the Blog Frog where basically she invited anybody to post their undying love and/or questions for me.

So far all I have are questions, but that’s cool. We can start there.

Today’s questions come from Mama Kat, since she’s the one who started the discussion. If you haven’t had the chance to read her blog, then let me convince you that you absolutely must. Because if you love me, you will absolutely love her. She’s actually my sister parted at birth. We could even be twins. In fact, I wonder if we are. Anyway, she’s brilliant, honest, funny, and real…not to mention the girl has style and taste. What more could you ask for?

Now that you know her, let’s get back to me.

Here are her questions:

Do you want more kids?

Hayyyyyyyyelllllll to the Naaaaaaaw!!! {As Whitney Houston likes to say.} In other words, um no thanks. I love my kids. Adore them really, on most days. But, I am not what you call a mom that wants to have lots of kids. I am a whimp. My two can already feel like the world is spinning out of control on most days, and there aren’t enough Happy Pills on this planet to help me through adding in another one.

When did you start having issues with anxiety?

When Taylor turned two. Enough said?

Actually, no, that’s not true. I can’t blame him for everything. I have actually had some struggles with depression, given that I am the lucky girl to have it on both sides of my family. But when my dad suddenly died about 7 years ago, there was a lot of crazy Jerry Springer type drama that came up afterwards, and that is when I first began to feel the beginnings of anxiety. Although, at that time, I had no idea that it was anything more than just dealing with the grief of losing my dad.

Later, when Taylor was two, and my grandpa was dying of cancer, I became extremely overwhelmed with all that was going on. I had just come home from spending a week in my grandpas house watching him slowly die, that the moment I got the call that he had passed, all the strong woman type stuff I had held up, crashed to an extreme. And seconds later I had my first official panic attack. Which led to more anxiety, fear of fear, and so on….

The story goes on, but basically that’s how it all started.

What helps you?

More than anything, my faith in God is what has helped me get through the issues with anxiety. Because when I was in the depths of that time, the hope in knowing that He had me in the palm of His hands, and that He would never let me go, is what kept me going. Because of God, I never lost hope. That’s not to say that I didn’t question Him or feel angry with Him for allowing what I was going through, because I absolutely did do those things. Yet in the end, I believed there would be beauty from the pain, and I was going to make it through.

I also came across this amazing book called, The Anxiety Cure by Dr. Archibald Hart. It was in simple words, life changing. If you have issues with anxiety, I am telling you, you need to read this book.

Do you work outside of the home?

I do work part time as an event coordinator for a speed dating company called HurryDate. I also have one client that has hired me to be his personal matchmaker….think Millionaire Matchmaker, but for just one guy. And I’m without the dark hair and bangs. And my own million. But other than that, totally the same.

Favorite dinner?

Pizza, without a doubt. I could eat pizza every single day. And in fact, I think I have been eating pizza almost weekly since I was a little girl. It’s perfection in food really.

But, if someone was offering to make me dinner, seeing as that I don’t cook, then I would ask for chicken and dumplings, corn on the cob, french bread and apple pie.

That’s not asking a lot, is it?

A lot of us talk about drinking to remedy our crazy life with kids…how much do you really drink and are you drunk right now?

Wha, huh? Do you have a spy cam in my house? How did you know?!?

Actually, no I don’t drink….much. Never mind this bottle I keep stored in my bathroom. Rather, I choose to keep myself medicated with Lexapro and prayer. The two combined can be a powerful team. And if that doesn’t work, I add in a ton of carbs and chocolate cake, and then somehow life seems a little better.

Thanks Mama Kat! That was fun. I just adore talking about myself. Weird that I would have a blog then, huh?

Anyway, think you have questions you want answered? Leave them here. I’ll be going down the list and in each post I’ll be featuring the blogger who had the bravery to ask.

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bloggy love

August 9, 2009

Just thought I would share a few of the bloggers I am loving…

I have a long list, so here are just a few.

Pinwheels & Poprocks: Adorable blog for all things related to weddings. It makes me want to get married again. To the same man of course.

A Little Twig Birdhouse: This blog originally won me over with her Etsy Owl Fridays, but I am totally loving all her posts! She covers it all, from fashion to makeup to decor to life. Love the one stop shop!

Fighting off Frumpy: Another funny blog about mommy life. She always makes me laugh!

Kelly Ann Studio: Fashion, Art, Photography, Decor…I am loving her style in it all!

Life is Bananas: Funky, fun and fashionable. In other words, it’s bananas!

Made You Blush: A mommy blog with a twist. And it helps that she is freaking adorable.

Oofa Luffa Le: At long last, another mama who loves taking her own kissy face pictures. And my sisters thought I was the only one. Whew!

So, how’s all that for a little light Sunday reading?

Enjoy, I’m sure you’ll love them as much as I do!

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