tearfully uncomfortable

May 26, 2009
Tonight I sit, tearfully uncomfortable.
I don’t understand the reasons why. I know that at times, this comes on without warning, without meaning, without cause. So, I sit and wait. I hope and pray. I feel and do my best to learn the lesson.
The hardest part for me is to overcome is the fear. The fear of the return, the fear of the known. The what ifs and the what I know it could be.
And yet, I’ve seen the other side. I know the calm, I know the peace. I’ve experienced it even among the chaos of my soul.
I know that it brings change. It brings light. It brings joy and trust.
It brings, but that isn’t what is here now. All I know is that what is here, what I feel, it’s absolutely not for the weak. I am not weak. I was not made that way. I will press on. I will hold on.
So as the night gets longer and darker, I will continue to sit, tearfully uncomfortable. I will feel it. I will experience it. And I know, in time, I will see the other side.
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Comments

  1. Jennifer says:
    May 26, 2009 at 5:30 am

    You will se the other side! It may even be minutes until something strikes you and you snap out of it! We all have these moments!

  2. Beck says:
    May 26, 2009 at 5:35 am

    Maybe you just have a bad case of the Monday’s! Hope your Tuesday is brighter and better! Thinking of you (:

  3. Mama Kat says:
    May 26, 2009 at 5:59 am

    We’ll love you through it. And you know who else will love you through it? Your babies. Just think about how much they love you regardless of what you ever feel on the inside. You’re the best!

  4. Lace says:
    May 26, 2009 at 6:09 am

    **Hugs**

  5. ...love Maegan says:
    May 26, 2009 at 7:09 am

    hopefully it will pass soon and you will feel at ease again. 🙂

  6. Sera says:
    May 26, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    Aw, Summer. Wish I could give ya a big hug right now. Those moments really suck, and they are scary because they make you question things and wonder if stuff is creeping back up. You have been through a lot of stress and changes lately, so maybe things just sort of caught up to you and you need to let them out. Hope you’re feeling better.

  7. Loukia says:
    May 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    I hope you’re feeling better today! Of course I have those moments, too Summer… I think most people do. I find that if those feelings come to me it’s always late at night… I hate late at night for many reasons, one being too much time to think about all the scary things I don’t otherwise allow myself to think of, and also becuase night time just so happens to be the time when one of my children will just get sick out of the blue! Hugs to you…