I am so not perfect. Um…just in case any of you thought otherwise.
You see, I have this rebelliousness issue. Ask my mom. Ask my best friends. Especially ask my husband.
It’s mostly that I tend to rebel against the status quo. I can’t stand “typical,” and I strive to be anything but. I just always have. And I think it would take years of deep (costly) therapy to find the underlying reasons why.
I also hate being told how to be, what to do, and how things should be done. It makes me want to, well rebel. To do the exact opposite.
I want to prove that I am my own person. That I am in charge of me, and that I will do things my way, thank you very much.
I’m a tricky one. I love hearing other people’s opinions. I relish in the wisdom of those I admire. But, it has to be given to me in such a certain way. In the way of sharing, not telling. Especially not in the way of demanding.
I once broke up with a guy because he told me he wanted the life of the typical American Dream. He would work, his wife would stay home cooking dinner, tending to the house, and taking care of the kids…all the while surrounded by a white picket fence. I freaked and ran the opposite direction.
Right into the arms of Jimmy, who seemingly loved my rebellious ways. I was not shy about being very clear about who I was.
On our first date, I stuck my gum under the table. On our second date, I talked about poop. On our third date, I told him I hated cooking and that I never wanted to be “that” kind of housewife. With each rebellious confession, he got more and more googly eyed at me, and two months later he proposed.
Five years later, I’m a stay at home mom with two kids.
Okay, so yes, I’ve always wanted to be home with my kids. I have always known this and would tell anybody who would listen. It’s just that I wanted to do it on my terms. And though I love being with my kids, I feel a bit rebellious at times. I just can’t handle that I’ve fallen into “typical.” (Not that typical’s bad….it’s just that it’s uncomfortable for me.)
So maybe that’s why I don’t want to cook. Just so that there is something that separates me from the status quo. Or maybe not cooking makes me feel like I have some say in how I do things as a “housewife.” Or maybe it’s as simple as I hate cooking. Who knows.
I don’t know what the issue is. I just know that I want to be home with my kids. I want to raise them and love them and not miss a single moment of their everyday lives. Complain as I will, I love it. But, does the job have to come with cooking? Is it so wrong to want part of the job but not the other half?
Is this kind of a life working for other people?
Is it possible to be a stay at home mom without being a housewife?
Or am I just a rebel without a cause?
© 2009 “Le Musings of Moi”
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Yeah, you have to feed them too. I know, I know. I totally understand where you are coming from.
🙂
lol! 🙂 I get it! My hubs does the cooking in our house. At least like 80% of the time. 😉 Get a maid. Or a cook. 🙂
i understand completely. and if it works for your family, girl go with it! some of the best ‘housewives’ do not cook. and then when you do it’ll be extra special! the ONLY reason i like to cook is b/c i LOVE to eat.
but if there’s a day when i don’t feel like it, i simply don’t. you are not alone my friend.
and my blog makeover was from Blog Designs by Shauna. In my left sidebar towards the bottom there is a little pink and black link. Check her out b/c she is amazing and will work with you until she gets it exactly right.
good news! yes! you CAN stay at home and not be a housewife! it has taken 15 years, but i have perfected the technique. it’s all about lowering everyone’s standards, and throwing them a bone every once in a while to keep them confused yet satisfied. i don’t know if i am ready to give away all my secrets…
You know I hate cooking too–mostly because I am simply not good at it. Jeff has always done most of the cooking–he loves it and he’s good at it, so why mess up a good thing? Seriously, if he were ever out of the picture, we would be having a whole lotta pb&j around here!
I’m totally with you on this one! Well, not the cooking so much…but the whole cleaning thing. Certain chores annoy me to no end.
Trust me when I say it gets easier when they get older. Know why? You can teach THEM how to do it!
I don’t vaccuum. I bought a vaccuum that is the perfect size for 7 year olds. Nor do I put dishes away. Nor do I take the clothes from the washer and put them into they dryer.
That’s what I have kids for!
i get where you are coming from, i think i have a similar spirit…but i do think that feeding them is key 🙂 hahaha and you never know you might find that you have an undiscovered love for cooking.
You sound alot like me and things I said when I first met my husband-I still have these issues (I hate cooking also) and I just couldnt cut it as a SAHM- I needed a compromise somewhere- so now that I freelance write and run my jewlery business from home it is a happy medium for me-but there’s lots of take-out and 5 ingredient recipes in my recipe book!
I hear ya! I am so NOT domestic at all. I hate to cook, clean or do anything that makes me look like a typical housewife. I do love staying home with my baby girl though. But if you were to ask me 5 years ago where I saw myself, It definitely would not be staying at home, doing laundry, changing diapers, or shoveling dog shit on a daily basis. My, my, how things change!
I, for one, can’t stand the CLEANING part of staying home. So I say – be a rebel. Don’t cook. Cheerios for dinner never hurt anyone.
Oh honie! If you would have eva called me a housewife when I was a SAHMama the love would have flown the coup. I was the most rebellious of all SAHMama. If you come to my house now it’s probably more organized now that I work, than before I worked.
I was determined by any means possible to revamp the word SAHMama so I made EVERY effort to never be home.
Do your thing girl. Do your thing.
I am not a SAHM, but a single mother; however, I dream of being a SAHM someday!! I don’t cook either (my son starves)! just kidding. My suggestion would be to take a cooking class somewhere (Sur la table maybe). You might find out you like it. Either way, all that you do as a SAHM, surely outways not cooking for the fam.
I get it, I really do… I’m not your typical housewife… I can’t really cook, my cleaning stinks and it takes me forever to get ironing done. But I get to stay at home with my little guy and that’s more important to me than housework!!
I think the best part of it is that your husband supports your cause 🙂 Now, that’s a winner!
I’m the same way. I say I am a stay at home mom and wife, not a housewife.
I always hated the idea of cooking. Like, to the point where I ate at Wendy’s every single day for four years because I was too lazy to even make a sandwich.
Then one day I tried it on a whim, just to see what would happen. And now I’m hooked! And people actually eat my food and say nice things instead of politely feeding it to my dog. Crazy, I know! I never would have thought…
But I still won’t use an oven. 😉
guess I am a rebel too!
Aren’t we lucky to have the best hubbies on the earth who can come home from a long day at work and whip up a fantastic meal?
My girlfriends are jealous. 🙂
And seriously, how the heck did those SAHM’s of the 50’s do it?! I will never be a June Cleaver!
I’d say I’m fairly rebellious as well ..but I definitely want to be a stay at home mom when the time comes …I’m trying now to make sure that is a definite by the time we finally do procreate. …I’ll even take the fence, okay, maybe not white …more like a fortress 🙂
You need to hire a housewife and you get to just be Awesome Mom and that’s all you do is “Mom” the kids.
And if you can make that work, write a book about it. I will read! 🙂
(Or just go with Deb’s advice-keep those standards low!)
I think you relate to more people than your realize. I can definately relate…only it gets scarier the older you get…I’m turning 40 this year and I’m realizing I’m a house wife!! Talk about rebellion!!
Thanks for visiting my blog…I like yours..:)
I’m a SAHM and a terrible cook but no one else will do it and we gotta eat so I’m kind of stuck with it. But I know what you mean about not wanting to be a “typical” housewife. (Though these days, I don’t think being a housewife is typical at all.) But I don’t think June Cleaver cleaned her bathroom while rocking out the Rolling Stone’s song “Bitch.”
I thought I was following your blog but you aren’t showing up on my blogroll. I will have to look into that.
Yes you can be a stay at home Mom without being a housewife. All you have to do is change your title (read perspective). Not that you are wrong in any way, nor imperfect. You simply have chosen what your work is going to be. Indeed, raising kids is work…hard work. Not just cooking but getting the kids off to school on time, helping them with their homework, and a long list of other things than can be classigied as work. The good news is that your work is rewarding (read spending time with your kids and loving them every minute of every day). All work comes with good and bad. I am in sales, but I totally dislike the paperwork aspect of the work…although I love spending time with customers. Don’t let the aspects of work you dislike outweigh the core aspects of your work. But get your work done. By the way, I recommend teamwork. Change your title from housewife to whatever you like. Migrate toward the work you love and live with the aspects of the work you don’t. Change your title to “Loving Mom and Rocking Wife.”